Remember this?

I was recently at a garage sale where I discovered, hidden behind a door, a red suit with white trim. Oh, yes, you know of what I speak. All I need is a dog named Max and a sleigh and I will be in business. I can't believe my good fortune!

Bwahhahaha.....

Effective yesterday ...

... well, nothing.

Yesterday was the deadline requiring travelers to have a driver's license that complies with the REAL ID Act in order to board commercial flights.

The REAL ID Act was passed in 2005 and was intended to set minimum security standards for license issuance. The purposes covered by the Act are: accessing Federal facilities, entering nuclear power plants, and, no sooner than 2016, boarding federally regulated commercial aircraft.

Starting January 22, 2018, travelers who did not have a license from a compliant state or a state that has been granted an extension would be asked to provide alternate identification. If the travelers could not provide an acceptable form of identification, they would not be permitted through the security checkpoint. Even still, enforcement doesn't start until:

• February 5, 2018, for American Samoa.
• October 10, 2018, for states that have been granted an extension.
• October 1, 2020, for people living in states that are already REAL ID compliant.
• An Enhanced Driver's Licence (issued in the states of  Michigan, Minnesota, New York, Vermont, and Washington) can be used as identification for purposes of commercial air travel but does not make those states REAL ID compliant.

Clear as mud, right?

This map will help.

What Happens at the IRS During a Government Shutdown?

This document tells you, exactly.

• No one will be there to process a refund or an amended return.
• The Small Business/Self-Employed Program Office will retain 3,000 employees for collections and examinations.
• There will be no one in the Whistleblower Department.
• The IRS will retain one guy in the Identity & Records Protection job.
• Three people will be retained in the Office of Professional Responsibility.
• No one will be retained for Competency & Standards in the Return Preparer Office.

But, your taxes are still due.

Colonoscopy Update

I’ve never worked so hard to get a camera shoved up my ass! Listen, people, I don’t really want to do it either but you’re the ones that said it’s time.

Sometime last fall, I got a checklist of maintenance items from my doctor: when to get a mammogram, when to get a flu shot, time to order my annual stool sample kit to check for early signs of colon cancer. “Please call this number….”

So I did. I asked for the stool sample kit and the woman on the other end of the line said that I didn’t need a stool sample kit. Noticing that I’m four years past 50, she told me that what I really needed was a colonoscopy. Not a stool sample kit.

Since Hubby has had one, I was aware of the preparation involved for such a procedure and asked if she could schedule an appointment with a GI close to my home which is outside of my coverage area. (We're talking about Kaiser here and although Kaiser is in Seattle as well as Portland, those are considered different coverage areas. My plan originated in Seattle but I live in Portland.)

She said she didn’t know how to do that and referred me to GI in Seattle. GI in Seattle couldn't do it so they referred me to Customer Service. Customer Service said I needed to find a GI in Portland and request a referral from my doctor who is in Seattle. My doctor said they couldn’t refer me to someone outside my coverage area and referred me back to Customer Service. Customer Service in Seattle referred me to Customer Service in Portland and they told me all I needed was temporary visiting member coverage. Click, click, click. Done.

Easy freakin' peasy, right?

I was then referred to a local Nurse who said she could schedule me for a colonoscopy but since I didn’t have a local primary care physician, I would have to see one first. I explained that I already had one but fine, whatever, I would happily see ANYONE who could get this done. 

Well, in that case....*hold music* Click, click, click. The nurse said I didn't really need to see someone after all. All she needed to do was send a “fit test kit.” What are they fitting me for? Ew. But fine. Send it.

Today, I went to the mailbox and retrieved the package. I opened it up and it was a freaking stool sample kit!

This is turning into a major you-know-what.

(Turns out a "fit" stands for fecal immunochoemical test which was somewhat of a relief but not sure we can call that a silver lining.)

Temporarily inactive . . .

. . . due to flu.

Sooo much fun.

Eight hour Federal Tax Update class. 

Woo. Hoo. 

Journal Entry - 1/4/18

During intermission at a recent event, I asked an usher on the balcony level of the theater if there were any bathrooms on that floor. She replied that yes there were, although most were on the first floor. (The location of the second floor bathrooms was not offered.)


Last week, at a local brewery, a woman sat next to us at the bar and proceeded to tell us that she lived with her mom. Her cat was dying. She’s as light as an owl. (We don't know whether she was talking about the cat or her mom at this point or how she might know how much an owl weighs.)


Yesterday's walk featured a beautiful sunrise. We saw several photographers on the trail and one women, wrapped in a blanket, still in her pajamas, sitting on a park bench just to take in the view.

Sunrise

We walked the trail along the river for a short while with an elderly, but active, neighbor who proceeded to tell us this joke:

A man was in the company of a woman who was the wife of another man

when, all of a sudden, he heard the telltale sound of a key in the door.

The woman told him to leave by way of the bedroom window.

Luckily for the man, it was a first floor bedroom.

Unluckily for the man, he left without his clothes

and it was raining.

It was early in the morning, and he was only a couple of miles from home

so he decided to jog.

All was well until he came upon a group of joggers.

Eventually, he caught up to them and joined their ranks.

The woman next to him kept glancing his way and eventually asked,

"Do you usually jog in the nude?"

"Oh, yes," he replied, "it's quite natural. I usually jog early in the morning and didn't expect to see anyone else."

This seemed to satisfy her. Yet as they continued on she began to steal glances his way again.

"Do you always jog while wearing a condom?" she asked.

"Oh, no," he replied, 

"Only when it's raining."

We have lovely neighbors.

It's a Cancer Thing

Someone asked me once why I wear mismatched socks. "It's a cancer thing," I answered, pretty much ending the conversation.

It started with my uncle who, after starting aggressive treatment for his cancer, started the practice. It caught on with his doctors, nurses, and family members as a way to keep things light in the face of a dire reality.

I still wear mismatched socks even though he's no longer with us. Now, it's more than a "cancer thing." Now, I do it to remember him and all the people we've lost to cancer - far too many people. It also reminds me to keep things light.

Cancer sucks and the reality is some people make it and some people don't but we have to remember that we're all in this together - this business of life and all that goes with it, including cancer. We need to help each other through it all. Sometimes, that's with humor or a smile. I wear mismatched socks to help me get through the stuff that's not much fun.

Today, I'm wearing mismatched holiday socks. Today, it's about not wanting to fold the laundry (people do fold socks, don't they?) so I grabbed a couple of clean ones out of the laundry basket.

This is what I pulled out and it makes me happy.

I've lost people to cancer. I know you have, too. Mismatched socks won't change that but maybe they'll make you feel better for at least a moment.

More With Less

If you haven't finished with last year's resolutions, you'd better hurry. There will be NO leap second inserted at the end of 2017.

My resolution for last year was to get rid of any clothes I didn't wear in the course of the year. I have a pretty good pile going and I had better get it donated today because I probably won't be able to claim the deduction next year. (I expect a lot of people will be making donations today for that reason.)

Next year, I want to get rid of even more stuff. The idea came to me the last time I went on a two-week trip and lived quite comfortably out of a small suitcase. I know people who have to pack large suitcases for short weekends just so every contingency is covered, wardrobe-wise. Yet, it seems to me that with some planning, one can cover the bases with fewer, more versatile wardrobe selections.

I've found a couple of websites that offer advice on what constitutes the perfect wardrobe. The secret seems to be having a theme - basically, a color scheme. Stick to the theme and you should be able to make endless combinations with fewer pieces. Plus, less thinking.

Egads! With the clock ticking on the rest of 2017, my goal should really be to get off my rear end and do - well, something. I've been enjoying my day off today with some abandon - as in, I've abandoned getting anything done. Tick, tock - before the year is over, there are a few things left to do. None of them worth mentioning but all necessary to the function of living one's life.

So, without further ado, since we've had far too much of that, Happy New Year! May your resolutions for the new year be far more interesting and energetic!

These words actually formed in my head:

I'm looking forward to tax season.

Grinch

This year's holiday festivities included a Secret Santa who was to be our favorite fictional character. My brother-in-law drew my name and I selected Monica Geller as my fictional character sometime early in December. I figured I might get some coffee or, more likely, a Swiffer but in any case, I wanted to select a character that was difficult for my Secret Santa.

As the month wore on, and I got grumpier and grumpier, I changed my fictional character to The Grinch. My brother-in-law was saved. He had no idea what to get me as Monica Geller.

Before I even opened the box, he told me I could thank him now or thank him later. As soon as I saw the green furry material, I had no doubt that the joke was on me. From the box, I pulled a full-body Grinch onesie.

I put it on immediately and modeled it for the entire family and I thanked my brother-in-law with a great, big hug.

But the joke may be on him because I've worn it every day since then. It's cozy and comfortable, comes with a hood, and scares little children and neighbors alike. (We currently have no window coverings in our living room.)

I've thought about joining the Run, Grub and Chug Club for the sole purpose of having an excuse to wear it. (They often wear costumes.) I will undoubtedly wear it every day next December on the Vancouver waterfront for my morning walks. And, I can promise, dear, sweet brother-in-law, I will wear it to your house next Christmas Eve.

You're welcome.

Like a sigh, it's over.

Warm memories linger, relatives gone. Nothing left but paper and ribbons, shredded and discarded. Leftover food for a week in the refrigerator, cookie crumbs in the couch cushions.

We had snow. Just enough to be pretty but not enough to be troublesome. A fire in the fireplace - two of them. Classic movies on TV. Coffee in our pajamas long past the time of lounging. Consuming more calories than outputting.

And, now it's time to go, to resume normal life, the everyday. Pack, hustle, travel. Trying to delay the inevitable, we look forward to another celebration before launching, hurtling, into a New Year.

Best to all.

'Tis two days of waiting

'Tis the afternoon before the day before Christmas

And all through the house not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse;
"Thank goodness, she's asleep," we declared

As we each found our spot for our own peaceful rest

In this crickety and drafty, rickety old house.

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that this dwelling,

(Beautifully built in 1888)

Doesn't become ashes - POOF! - in the air.

While our little one slept,

Dreaming of sugar, not doubt,

I sat alone in my room not wanting to come out.

Outside I can hear there is such a clatter.
I'd spring from the bed to see what's the matter....
Here from the window I can see a flash,
The windows are frozen, I can't open the sash.

The helicopter has been circling since morning, I fear

That a convict has escaped and is alighting on foot

From the regional justice system,

Or maybe with loot.

Egad! I thought, when will we be through

With being merry and all this "to do"?

When will the fat man appear with his stuff

Of way too many goodies for enough is enough!

What to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

Oh, no, that's the egg nog playing tricks in my head.

Perhaps I am done now. I'm going to bed.

For silence is golden, we are rich now indeed

But very shortly again we necessarily will head

The needs of a little one fueled and excited

O'er the wonder of Christmas in two very short nights.

Mailing it in

I don't know what happened to Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Just a second ago it was Monday and now it's Friday. I have vague memories of tape and red ribbon, a dust storm of flour, and restless sleep. And where did these extra pounds come from?

Suddenly, I'm in our sleigh which is stuffed full with all the necessities: suitcases and packages, extra hats and mittens, and cookies. This time, I didn't forget all the food.

Over the river and through the woods we go along with everyone else, slogging through fog and rain. My expectations are blissfully low. Not that I'm expecting disappointment, I'm just grateful for what I have. I don't need more.

I'm happy to see family and missing those who can't be with us for one reason or another. Feeling blessed and joyous, I assure you I have not been into the eggnog.

In an uncharacteristic mood of good cheer, I wish you all a Merry Christmas.

Craft Beer is Serious Business

The best thing about craft beer, besides the beer, is the people. Beer people are laid back, non-pretentious, and friendly. This goes for consumers and brewers alike. Consider, also, the names of beers: Chasing Fluffy Pink Unicorns by Ghost Runners Brewery, for example. There are so many more great names but I have chased fluffy pink unicorns and cannot call them to mind.

But craft beer is serious business. There are conferences addressing beer marketing and tourism, beer blogging, and every facet of growing and producing hops. There are more certifications and college level degrees relating to beer than I can name (although one such list exists here).

Occupations in the beer business go far beyond brewing which is serious enough. If you really want to get technical, you can become a brewing chemist. (The American Society of Brewing Chemists has a great website full of good brew news, btw.) You can get paid to buy beer as a Alcohol Compliance Auditor. There are also brewery auditors with the Department of Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau. Doesn't get more serious than that, does it?

You could be a beer historian at the Smithsonian but that job's been filled.

Less serious, but just as real, are "Drink It Interns." Job requirements: drink beer, travel, use social media. (Check, check, and check.)

Also real are these news items: Taco Bell will now be offering beer and Dunkin' Donuts will offer beer on the darkest day of the year. While Dunkin' Donuts won't actually be serving beer, Wormtown Brewery in Worcester MA will be serving DDark Roasted Brew, a stout made with the Dunkin' Donuts coffee beans. Meanwhile, Taco Bell will actually be selling beer (from Four Son's Brewing) in their Newport Beach location.

But, seriously?

Phoning It In

As you can see, my phone's camera lens has finally been repaired.

As many of you know, I often commute between Portland and Seattle and often by train. I was not on the Amtrak train that derailed today. Thank you to those of you who contacted me.

The train was on the inaugural run of Amtrak's new route between Seattle and Portland, designed to improve service. Our hearts and prayers go out to the victims of this terrible tragedy.

Journal Entry - 12/17/17

We are decidedly off schedule. I spent all of Thursday cooking Curry and baking cookies but work obligations kept us from driving to the coast. We packed Friday and got all the food organized and ready to go but work again kept us from getting on the road. Packed and ready to go, we stayed at home. The ultimate staycation.

We finally got on the road Saturday morning. We got about an hour into our three-hour drive when we realized that we had left ALL THE FOOD AT HOME. Lamenting our stupidity at Gilgamesh Brewing over a Vader Black IPA, we considered whether to turn back or to continue onward. We pressed on, leaving a gallon of vegetable Curry behind.

Guess what I’m serving for Christmas dinner?

Got to the beach where friends were waiting with a meal of homemade pasta and from-scratch tomato sauce. Fritos were served as the appetizer.



What if your spouse spoke like your navigation app? “In one hundred feet, take out the trash.” Never raising his/her American/British voice, “When possible, sleep elsewhere.”

Brew News - Dilly! Dilly!

Amid the adversarial relationship between craft breweries and Big Beer, Bud Light delivered a cease-and-desist letter to Modist Brewing Company in Minneapolis with class and humor. At issue was the December 1st release of a Mosaic Double IPA which they named Dilly Dilly. About two weeks prior to release, Modist invited the public via Facebook to their release event.

There, Modist describes the beer as "massively dry hopped with three forms of Mosaic" (pellets, oil, and powder) . . . "and a dilly of a good time." The event started at noon and by 2:30 pm a representative of Bud Light arrived dressed as a town crier who read from a scroll:

" ‘Dilly Dilly’ is the motto of our realm, so we humbly ask that you keep this to a limited-edition, one-time-only run. This is by order of the king. Disobedience shall be met with additional scrolls, then a formal warning, and finally, a private tour of the ‘Pit of Misery.’ " [video]

King? Of Beer? Not for long if Take Craft Back, a tongue-in-cheek crowdfunding campaign, gets its Christmas wish. Their goal is to raise $213 billion to purchase Anheuser-Busch InBev. Nearly 12,000 beer lovers have pledged support, drawing attention to growing disparity in marketplace influence between small and independent brewers and Big Beer. [2017 Craft Beer in Review | Brewers Association]

In Brooklyn, there was no Dilly Dilly for Lineup Brewing who received a cease-and-desist letter for their Oktoberfest Pilsner release named Bïeryoncé. While Modist received two Super Bowl tickets for their compliance, it is unknown as to whether Katarina Martinez, Lineup's owner, head brewer, and Beyoncé fan, received tickets to one of Beyoncé's concerts.

The 2017 Craft Beer in Review also provided an update on the Craft Beverage Modernization and Tax Reform Act (CBMTRA). (Not as catchy as "Dilly Dilly," is it?) While it might not be interesting, I learned there is a federal excise tax of $7-$18/barrel depending on production volumes. Under CBMTRA, the excise tax would be reduced to $3.50 on the first 60,000 barrels for brewers producing less than 2 million barrels per year, and reduced to $16/barrel on the first 6 million barrels for all other brewers and importers. (The amount would remain at $18 for amounts over 6 million barrels.) [Federal Excise Tax Overview | Brewers Association]

Originally a freestanding bill introduced to the 114th Congress, the 2017 bill has been attached to the Senate version of the Republican tax reform bill. The CBMTRA "may now enjoy wider support in Congress, but it's unknown if the overall tax reform bill into which it was inserted has wide support among craft breweries." [Kendall Jones, Brewers Association Releases Annual Craft Beer in Review Report | Washington Beer Blog]

Unknown, indeed.

Overall, 2017 was a dilly good year for Craft Beer and pretty dilly for me, too. I visited 131 breweries in the state of Washington in 2017 alone,  five in Arizona, two in California, two in Hawaii (Maui), 20 in Oregon, and three in Ohio. There was something to like about each and every one. (Mostly the beer, but always the company.)

There's still a week left.

Have a Dilly Christmas and a Beery New Year!

Not coming to a Book Club near you . . .

. . . is Economist's Books of the Year 2017. A description for "Austral" by Paul McAuley in the Fiction category reads,

" A chase thriller set in late 21st-century Antartica that combines elements of Jack London, J.G. Ballard and William Gibson. A significant contribution to writing about the anthropocene. "

I found the non fiction categories to be much more thrilling.

Journal Entry 12/14/17

So far, so good on the Holiday To Do list. I’m on schedule with the exception of the baking of cookies. I didn’t bake them on Monday so will bake today along with making the vegetable curry.

While I was at the grocery store, getting this week’s supplies, I came across a particular package of grated cheese. The labels of most grated cheese packages show measurements of 2, 3, or 4 cups. This one measured 1 ⅞ cups. Good to know, if I ever have recipe that calls for “almost two cups.”

Yesterday, I baked several dozen cookies in Bellevue and replenished my jolly. Even with the six-hour round trip commute, I was left with enough jolly to decorate our tree (really, a leafy plant) and hang the stockings. The stocking hangers which normally spell PEACE now spell APE EC but close enough. (Hubby hung them and he's not ever jolly.)

On my commute, I came to a traffic light behind a car with a bumper sticker that read “I (heart) Taxes.”

What doe the phrase, “spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to publicly discuss” mean? If they weren’t authorized, why were they speaking? Whoever that guys is speaks out of turn a lot.

Today, I saw a house being pushed by a tug up the Columbia River.

In a rare, non self serving move, Hubby washed my bras. (He's more fond of hiding them.)