Tuesday, August 27, 2019

We drove by a public square recently that was surrounded by a heavy police presence. There were a couple of guys dressed entirely in black with red bandannas over their faces. Anti-Nazi Rally posters were here and there but otherwise, the square was empty. Some of the police officers smoked cigars.

I wondered who was going to show up for the Pro side. I know there are a lot of people who have a lot of viewpoints but Pro Nazi was hard to fathom.

We didn't stick around to see if anyone else showed up which was probably a good thing.

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Tips for New Homeowners

If you have multiple bathrooms, they will run out of toilet paper on a simultaneous schedule. Every time. Do not let your reserves get down to less than the equivalent number of bathrooms.

Smoke alarms emit a chirping sound when the batteries run low. If this should happen, it will be 2 a.m. and you will be awakened from a dead sleep. You would be wise to change the batteries in all existing alarms at this time. Otherwise, you will be awakened at 3 a.m.

Our research department advises that your batteries must be changed every six months regardless of what the battery package says. The smoke alarm has an internal countdown set at six months. Batteries that are good for ten years in the package are only good for six months in a smoke alarm. (What would happen if you just switch the batteries around?? I'll ask my research dude.)

Your smoke alarm also emits a chirp when the alarm itself expires. This chirping follows the rule of expired battery chirping in that it will happen in the dead of night. One smoke alarm will signal all your other alarms that they are expired resulting in a cacophony of mind shattering shrills. Removing the batteries will be futile. Your smoke alarms will take on alien life and chirp independent of power. Insanity is inevitable as you consider whether the smoke detectors can be flushed down the toilet. If you are lucky, you can lock your spouse out of the bedroom and let him figure it out while you save yourself. The ultimate answer, as soon as the ringing in your ears ceases, is to replace all of your smoke detectors and sell the house before they expire again ten years later.

You will likely never hear a smoke detector activated by smoke. Unless you have a toaster like mine. Then, you will hear it daily. Don't eat toast.

Friday, August 16, 2019

Good bye, my darling

I woke to find Hubby by my side, playing a game on his iPad, popping bubbles. “Coffee,” I was thinking. “Where is my coffee?” He may have not wanted to wake me, thought I might want to sleep some more. Yet, all he had to do was to pull on his pants and go downstairs to where the coffee was already prepared.

Instead, I got up, went to the bathroom and washed my hands. I came back, crossing the room to get my toothbrush and hair brush. I crossed in front of the bed again, returning to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair. Back in the bedroom, I put on clothes. I was thinking, either he’s a fool or he doesn’t want coffee. Why is there still no coffee?

I turned to him as I was leaving, “Would you like coffee?”

Turns out he was a fool.

When my cup was empty, I spent a few minutes in the bathroom thinking he must be on a suicide mission. It is the only explanation that makes sense. This was confirmed when I returned to the bedroom to find my cup has not been refilled. Again, I got dressed while Hubby popped bubbles. Again, I asked him if he would like coffee. Again, he accepted although this time he did not bother to explain where the coffee is located (as if I might not know).

Again, I delivered coffee to his bedside. I kissed him gently on the forehead and whisper, “It was nice knowing you.”

Monday, August 12, 2019

Glamping in Tacoma

... a style of camping with amenities.

We stayed at Hotel Murano which was not camping by any means but on Sunday I visited three - three! - coffeeshops and all of them were closed. Closed, I tell you! One of these was a Starbucks.

What?, you say. Starbucks was closed?

That is roughing it.

Toto, we are not in Seattle any more.

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Because some are more special

As football season *ahem* kicks off, make note of these special teams stats:

Baltimore Ravens' payroll for special teams is the highest in the league at $11 million. They also have more special teams players - five. The lowest is $1.9 million with the Philadelphia Eagles (three players). The Seahawks (three players) and Bears (five players) are near the bottom at $3.9 million each which make the Bears special teams players some of the least paid in the league.

The most paid to kickers (two) is $5.3 million by the Green Bay Packers while the Dallas Cowboys pay their one kicker $570,000. The most a team will spend on punters is by the Los Angeles Rams at $4.5 million. The least is $570,000 by the Denver Broncos for their one. 

Again, the Baltimore Ravens come out on top in terms of payroll for long snappers - a total of $1.8 million for two. The Buccaneers pay $495,000 for their one. 

Top paid kicker is Mason Crosby of Green Bay at $4.85 million. The two lowest paid at $495,000 are both with the Bears. Top paid punter is Thomas Morstead at $4.2 million while the least paid gets only $495,000. (There are five of them.) Best paid long snapper is Beau Brinkley at $1.4 million with the Tennessee Titans (although Charley Hughlett's contract with Cleveland is worth more) while the five least paid are each earning $495,000.

Long snappers don't get paid as much as punters and kickers but I could figure out how to live on a million or so a year. And long snappers are somewhat protected. The NFL prohibits contact with the head or neck of a long snapper or else be penalized 15 yards.

Anyway, I'm a fan of special teams. Because they're more special.