Thursday, August 28, 2014

I Did Not Make This Up

Clown Suffers Minor Injuries in Clown Car Crash

"A clown suffered minor injuries on Monday after her clown car crashed into a utility pole in Westwood, New Jersey.
"The victim, according to The Record, was a 68-year-old female clown whose name was not released. Another clown, who goes by the moniker ‘Poppi T Clown’ told the paper that the accident victim was reaching for her GPS unit when she ran off the road and into the pole. In other words, she may have been juggling one too many things.
"The female clown was said to have been driving home from a show at an elementary school. Several of her fellow clowns (“about 10,” the Record said) arrived on the scene quickly to assist her.

"An administrative assistant for Westwood police chief Frank Regino told that the clowns were still in makeup and full costume at the time of the accident. According to police, the clowns were driving home in separate cars and not all in one tiny car."

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Times, They Are a-Changin'

It's that time in my life when my hormones are all out of whack. I know this particularly for two reasons: First, I am growing a ginormous zit on the side of my face; second, I love my husband.

Hubby noticed both of these strange occurrences as well. The zit is fairly obvious and while I love my husband, my displays of affection are rather inconsistent. Actually, that isn't the case either - there's a pattern. I love my husband for two weeks after which I find him endlessly irritating for the rest of each month.

This month's extended period of affection is unusual and while Hubby isn't complaining, he was hesitant to bring up this anomaly lest the spell be broken. I was afraid of this: that my cycle would get caught in endless repeat somewhere along the line. At least it didn't get caught two weeks later.

Unfortunately for Hubby, my zit is starting to clear up.

Saturday, August 23, 2014


I woke up to the smell of cooked bacon which would be wonderful except I'm not sure it will ever go away. (Is that really such a bad thing?) The thing is, I came across fifteen pounds of bacon yesterday. (I won't even try to explain.) I cooked up three pounds of it and wrapped up the other twelve in one-pound packages for freezing. (And by "we," I mean "Hubby.")

Thus, the smell.

I was planning to make an appetizer that features bacon as an ingredient to bring to the Third Annual Cornhole for Cash tournament later today (report to follow) but now I'm thinking, "Why bother?" Everyone loves bacon. Why mess with it? Now I'm thinking that if I just bring a plate of cooked bacon, that will go over as well or better than anything I could make with it. It'll be a feeding frenzy.

While I'm at it, I plan to put some in my pockets in the hopes that it will throw off my opponents later today. I'll stop at nothing to reclaim my trophy!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Argument for Form 1023

Application for Recognition of Exemption Under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code

An organization is eligible to use From 1023-EZ if its assets are valued at $250,000 or less, and it has annual gross receipts of $50,000 or less.

Step Away from the Microwave! IRS Rules That Organization Formed to Protect Citizens from 'Mind Control' Attacks Is Not Exempt :
Had the new streamlined procedures for small organizations to apply, using Form 1023-EZ,9 for tax-exempt status under §501(c)(3) been in effect, it is likely that the organization described in PLR 201430014 would have sailed through the exemption process with little or no scrutiny. 
Indeed, while one might have some sympathy with the intent to compensate the victims of "mind control," the fact that the scientific basis for the purported existence of "M attacks" appears to be about on a par with the scientific evidence supporting the existence of , e.g., Sharknados, seems to have doomed Taxpayer's application.
Has Mind Control Conspiracy Captured IRS? :
I’m thinking that there might be a little bit of bias in the ruling that Defender is not educational and the notion that because Ernie is one of the victims of M attacks working for compensation for M victims constitutes inurement. If Ernie is right, you would think that the IRS is one of the first places the people doing the mind control would take over, so that might account for the adverse ruling. Of course I would also not rule out Funhouse running a scamming operation and Ernie being a whackadoodle.
Funny stuff right there.

Sunday, August 10, 2014


Is it real or fantasy?

As we gear up for our fantasy football league's draft day, one wonders how much time is wasted on an activity that isn't even real. The answer depends on who you ask.
"According to a very rough, non-scientific, non-verifiable estimate, . . . the cost to the nation’s employers in terms of wages paid to unproductive workers could approach $6.5 billion." - outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas, Inc.
Replicon, a provider of time-tracking software, points to the same non-verifiable report and estimates wasted productivity at $18.7 billion.

I'm not even participating in the draft and I find myself wasting time on it. (C'mon, everyone is doing it.) Fantasy football elevates wasted time and money to a whole new level. According Wikipedia:

On fantasy lawyers and "things":
"Fantasy leagues may also engage services to make their things run smoothly and settle disputes. Leagues may deposit collected fees with fantasy football specific escrow companies, and settle disputes regarding trades or scoring by using lawyer-run fantasy football arbitration websites for a flat fee per resolution."
On rooting habits:
"The explosive popularity of fantasy sports, coupled with the availability of venues showcasing numerous live football games via satellite, has had significant effects on football viewing and rooting habits among participants."
On spending habits:
". . . fantasy football team managers are also more likely to spend on other industries. When compared to non-fantasy sports fans, team managers are significantly more likely to purchase alcohol, airline tickets, and sports magazines. They are also more likely to purchase fast food and soft drinks."
Even if I don't participate in this year's draft, I may find myself hiring a fantasy lawyer, rooting in a totally new way, and eating a lot of chips. Without a doubt, however, I will be avoiding work (which is never a waste of time).

Thursday, August 7, 2014

The Cost of a Recall

According to a report published by the Grocery Manufacturers Association entitled, Capturing Recall Costs: Measuring and Recovering the Losses:
In August 2010, more than 500 million shell eggs distributed by an egg producer had to be recalled. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), from May 1 to October 15, 2010, approximately 2,500 illnesses associated with the eggs were reported, making it the largest recorded Salmonella Enteritis outbreak reported since the FDA’s outbreak surveillance began in the early 1970s. Total costs to American shell-egg producers have yet to be calculated. However, the negative media attention produced a drop in prices that cost the shell-egg industry over $100 million in September 2010 alone.
In 2007, the estimated cost of the peanut butter recall to one company due to Salmonella contamination was $78 million.5 The estimated cost to American peanut-containing product producers from the 2009 incident contamination of peanut butter by Salmonella was $1 billion.
How much will the peach recall cost? It's already old news. Not much has been said about it in the last month so we will likely never know how much the recall will cost Wawona, its suppliers, myriad retailers, and all their insurers. The CDC still does not list the peach recall as a listeria outbreak.

Anyway, it'll cost a bushel.