Dressing For The Occassion

867-5309

I know someone who actually had this phone number. Whether he's the same Redmond man as in this Snopes article, I will seek to confirm. (This was back in the day before there was a 425 area code.) He said he got so many phone calls he had to change his number.

Like Jenny.

Goodbye 2015

Bleary eyed, I've been herded with the rest of the American cattle through customs and am now awaiting my boarding call on the US side of Vancouver International Airport. I'm not quite awake yet. Too sleepy to be interested in coffee. (I didn't know that was even possible.)

I would reflect on the last year but I can't focus. Maybe later. Right now I just want to take a nap. Come to think of it, a nap might be the perfect way to end the year. 

All I can bring to mind is that 2015 was a busy year. I bought a condo in February and sold a home in September. And there was a lot of travel. Mostly commuting but other places too. December was particularly busy and I would say I'm anxious to get home but I have plans for tonight as well as tomorrow night. Maybe I'll have to put that nap off until 2016. 

My only new year resolution is to write more and post something daily. 

Boarding just started so it's goodbye to Canada. Good but tiring. I guess the same can be said for 2015. 

Fancy Lighting

One Night Stand

Book of Shopping next to Book of Mormon in nightstand.

Sliding Scale for Perks

Last night, I dreamed I was in a restaurant sitting with a group at a large table, waiting to place my order for breakfast. When the waiter, George Takei, came to me, he informed me there was variable peak pricing on coffee and it would currently cost me double. He said this with a grin that said I got you now!

I refused and to make my point, I ordered only dry toast for breakfast. Take that! I will never pay double for coffee!

Can you imagine if Starbucks did this - charged double for coffee? Disregarding the argument that they already do, what if it cost $10 for a cup of your favorite brew before, say, 10 a.m.? People would pay it, that's what! Instead of offering discounts on coffee after 2 p.m. (1 p.m. in Canada), Starbucks would be smart to jack their prices up in the morning hours.

Or it could be truly variable pricing like the toll lanes on I-405 near Seattle. The more people who are standing in line, the higher the price for coffee thereby, theoretically, making it faster for everyone to get where they're going by weeding out the people who aren't willing to pay the price. Some would defer their drinking preferences to the afternoon when prices are lower while others would go elsewhere, taking the side streets as it were.

Me? I would probably pay the price. Not every day but, surely, I would probably be one of the ones to pay the ransom price. I'd have to switch my drink to something less expensive like drip (no pun intended) since I've already spent all my savings on my regular drink but that's okay because Starbucks is my new retirement plan. I can hang out there all day with free refills, free wifi, and a restroom. Adult daycare for coffee addicts.

Is this a great idea? Yes. Should Starbucks do this? No. But, in the off chance they actually do, just remember they didn't get the idea from me.

Charlie isn't my one and only.

Sorry, Charlie, I've met someone new. I have another pen pal. I call her Cupcake and I send her love letters from "A Secret Admirer."

We met just a couple years ago at a Dirty Bingo game. It plays like regular Bingo except that there are gifts involved. The dirty part is that, at some point, you get to steal gifts from each other, potentially foisting off a white elephant onto someone else.

I ended up with a box of greeting cards that featured cupcakes decorated in copious amounts of pink glitter. I can't imagine that I actually traded for this gift. If I did, it was only because what I had was more hideous than glitter cupcake cards.

They weren't hideous to Cupcake. She wanted them!

I teased her about it and told her she couldn't have them. After much coaxing, I agreed to give them to her - twelve of them - one at a time, each month for the next year. Her girlfriends joked that it would be fun if I sent them as a secret admirer to see if I could make her husband jealous.

And, so it began.

I sent her cards of fluffy admiration, telling her how beautifully sweet she was and how I longed to see her. She began to look forward to the arrival of my card each month while her entire family began to wonder who this mystery writer was. I don't think her husband was ever truly jealous but he was definitely curious.

When the year was over, she begged her husband to furnish me with another set of cards (or better yet, to write them himself). By this time, it was known to her husband that I was her admirer and nothing to worry about. Nevertheless, he found no reason to furnish more cards.

And, so, I did.

I found another set of cupcake greeting cards and continue to send one every month. Sometimes they arrive on a day when she really needs a pick-me-up. She'll send a photo of the unopened envelope to let me know that my timing was perfect, that she was having a terrible day, and that just the sight of the pink envelope was enough to make her day.

And that makes my day.

One a year or once a month, it doesn't matter. I love my pen pals.

(I heard from Charlie on Christmas Day so we're all good there, btw.)

My housecleaning standards aren't what they used to be. (That being said, about half of you just vowed never to be a houseguest at Chez Lynn. [Perfect.]) It's not that I don't clean house it's just that I'm less anxious about it.

When I was first married, I was sure that it was my responsibility to keep a spotless house. As a full time student, I found the only way to keep house was to do one room each day. I would get up early every morning and scrub some portion of the house no one was likely to see.

As we moved from an apartment to a 2,600 square foot house, to 5,000 square feet, I found it was easier to have a house cleaner thus transferring the responsibility to someone else. Now, we live in a 1,300 square foot condo that we take care of together, sparingly.

This reminds me of the last hotel I stayed in. In the bathroom, there were showering instructions. No, really.  If I'm old enough to rent a hotel room, you'd think I'd be old enough to understand the basic principals of showering. Nevertheless, there were four instructions. I meant to take a picture to share them with you. Since I didn't, I'll share what I believe to be the highlight. Paraphrased: "Wash the parts that smell and only when you have to."

That's precisely the philosophy I adhere to when it comes to housecleaning. Basically: "If you can't see it, it isn't dirty." It's not until I drop a pair of earrings that I really see what is going on down there. But until then, who cares?

So, if you do come to visit, just leave the white gloves at home.

From Johnny Jumper to Johnny Walker

Actual Christmas gift under the tree this year.
It was from Sears.

There's a certain amount of regression that occurs as you get older. For instance, just as when you were a baby, your quality of life is measured by the quality and quantity of bowel movements. You started in diapers and, whether or not you like to think about it, you'll probably go out in diapers too. 

As babies learn to walk, they might use something like an activity walker. 

But walkers are so limiting. What if, instead of this . . .

. . . your walker looked more like this:

It's a Johnny Jumper and a walker: It's a Johnny Walker!

I didn't do well in Art class.

Never be afraid of falling again! The extending legs allow you to use your Johnny Walker as a dining chair or barstool! Park next to the dugout and watch Junior's Little League game. Go dancing and never miss a step! Ice skating anyone? 

Optional activity tray provides hours of entertainment while improving your memory skills and eye-hand coordination. Optional headrest allows you to sleep wherever you are without fear of tipping over.

It's the perfect device for keeping you active and upright.

Available in black, red, or blue.

The Santa Effect

Elves are the unsung heroes at Christmas, in my opinion. Everyone waits with anticipation for Santa's visit, urgently wishing that he bestow something upon them - material or otherwise. It's a fantasy for children and borders on religion for adults. Rotund men, I've been told, have been know to dress up as him.

And what thanks do the elves get? No adoration, no letters full of hopefulness, no moment in the spotlight, they're just behind the scenes making it all happen.

Really, when you come to think of it, the whole Santa industry is a vast, international enterprise of truly global proportions. Let's talk about the numbers: There are roughly 2.2 billion children in the world. If elves made toys at a rate of twice as fast as I knit scarves, then an elf makes roughly two toys per year.

But these are professional elves. Based on what I get done in a given tax season, and assuming there's relatively little automation involved, let's assume each elf can make 100 toys in roughly 16 weeks. That would mean there are 22 million elves employed from roughly mid-September until midnight of December 23rd.

Now, I know for a fact that Santa employs elves as independent contractors all around the world which means he has to have a team of lawyer and accountant elves to sort out international labor and tax laws. Assuming 10% of the elves are resident to the North Pole and the rest are evenly dispersed around the globe according to population, that would mean there are roughly 88,000 elves currently residing in the United States.

The American elves are currently employed as independent contractors but, as with Uber, there is some brouhaha surrounding the issues of payroll tax withholding and the lack of employee benefits, namely health insurance, for which Santa would be responsible if they were to be classified as employees. Whether or not the Egalitarian Lilliputian Federation will win their case (pending in federal court), the elves making artisanal, eco-friendly toys made from locally sourced tools and materials for kids in Oregon will remain as independent contractors by definition.

Regardless of the outcome of this case, there is the issue of compensation. The North Pole currency is entirely denominated in cookies as it is the only source of income collected within 24 hours (not accounting for rotation of the earth between midnight of the 23rd and 24th). It takes several days to settle accounts but when wages are paid on the 31st there's a regular cookie jam at North Pole ATMs.

For elves not residing at the North Pole, cookies must be converted to local currency. This is done through a clearing house set up by the elves at Keebler. Gluten free cookies are fed to the reindeer as they are otherwise worthless.

The Santa elves, for the most part, take up employment elsewhere during the rest of the year (a large percentage of which pick up seasonal work with the IRS). However, there are a number of elves employed year round at the North Pole and it's high time we give them recognition for their efforts (in no particular order) by area of work:

• Package Logistics 
• Sleigh Mechanics 
• Global Supply Chain Management 
• Reindeer Handlers 
• Abominable Snowman Defense 
• International Military Coordination Liaison 
• Santa's and Mrs. Claus's stylist 
• Wig Maker 
• Santa's Nutritionist 
• Public Relations 
• Appearances Coordinator 
• Letter Readers and Correspondence 
• Optometrist 
• Dentist 

Next year, as you're waiting for Santa to appear, take a moment to reflect on what's really coming down your chimney.

It's Christmas Eve and I haven't heard from Charlie . . .

. . .  and I'm starting to get concerned.

We've been exchanging Christmas greetings for 30 years and we've never met. Or maybe we did once and I don't remember. It was a long time ago.

He is a friend of my parents and was invited to my 1984 wedding. Whether he was there or not, I couldn't tell you. It's as much of a blur now as it was then. 

My first Christmas as a married woman, I sent cards to everyone who had been invited to the wedding regardless of their attendance. Charlie sent one back. He thanked me for my greeting and politely inquired who the hell I was. I had signed my married name. I quickly wrote back to trace the connection. 

Every year since then I could count on a Christmas card from Charlie in my mailbox. He always sent his before I got around to sending mine. Even after I gave up sending Christmas cards as a general rule, I always sent one to him. He eventually learned how to use a computer and gave up sending cards as well. Still, I would get his Christmas email.

We moved recently and I didn't send out cards notifying people of my new address because who sends personal correspondence anymore? So, it's possible he sent one. It's possible it's being rerouted and its delivery is overshadowed by the billions of other deliveries the USPS will make this year.

I sent my card. I've checked my mailbox. Still, no Charlie.

I'll check in by email. Make sure he's okay. Because Christmas just wouldn't be the same without Charlie. 

(If you're reading this, Charlie, Merry Christmas!)

Holidailies Could Make You Healthier

Maybe.

It depends on what you're writing about. Emotionally expressive writing has been shown to improve health, happiness, weight loss, physical healing, creativity, and reduce stress. It can help you be better at your job. Or get a new job. It will also help you to write more. All evidence to make emotionally expressive writing your only New Year Resolution.

I keep a journal. The last time I wrote in it was December 1st. Since then, I got a cold, put on weight, stressed about posting in Holidailies, and got fired.

Just kidding. I did get a cold, though, and I'm blaming it on the blank pages in my journal.

Also, writers tend to live longer than most (except for accountants).

If you really want a long and happy life, become an accountant . . . (I've never imagined myself writing that sentence. Ever.) . . and write every day.

Need a Writing Prompt?

Sort laundry. I guarantee you'll come up with something. And, more like than not, it'll have to do with socks. 

I have way too many socks and I'm not entirely sure how it happened. I recently moved and decided that I would get rid of everything that fell into the category of "everything." I had a whole drawer of socks, many of which I hadn't worn in a long time and some I had never worn at all.

I only kept a few pair - so I thought - to make sure I had enough to get through a week. I do laundry at least that often so I figured that was enough. Still, it gout out of control somehow. My New Years Resolution has to be to thin out the sock drawer. 

I know which pair I'm going to get rid of first, too. They're black DKNY trouser socks with grey polka dots. These socks attract hair in the laundry like nothing else. It's not like all my laundry is covered in hair when it comes out of the dryer. I don't even have a pet - it's my own hair! The rest of the socks are fine but this pair not only attracts hair, the hair is interwoven in the sock fabric! 

How the hell does that even happen? You have socks tumbling all around and . . . hair. I'm not sure how or why the hair gets into the laundry in the first place. It's more like a whole load of laundry and, like, ten human hairs and somehow the hairs find these two polka dotted socks. And, while they're tumbling around, they have time to weave themselves into the fabric.

Maybe I should wear them on my hands instead and try dusting with them. Who knows, maybe DKNY invented a miracle cleaning product and they only needed me to discover it.

Uncle Scores Triple

Like, right now?

Just In Time For Christmas

For the person who has everything, give the gift of congestion, sinus pressure, and body aches. You'll never be forgotten as that special someone who shared the gift of sniffles. Why give presents when you can give an experience?

Your loved one will thank you from under the covers as you bring her hot tea and a box of Kleenex in bed. She'll delight in the time off from the hectic Christmas list checking, shopping, and meal preparations, not to mention holiday parties and meaningless gift exchanges with coworkers. And, it's the perfect excuse for not visiting with that endless stream of distant relatives!

And because it came from you, you a can share it together. You'll have hours of fun commiserating and trying to outdo the other. Or, you can take turns passing back and forth between you. Invite your friends!

It's the perfect holiday gift! The gift of sharing.

Where's a girl get coffee in this town?

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

The tax world is a boring place. What tax preparers find exciting would make your eyes glaze over but a recent tax briefing hit my email that changed all that. The headline was:

Baiting Wild Hogs with Kool-Aid Counts toward Material Participation

The headline alone was enough to make my day but it gets better. The rest of the story goes something like this:

• An attorney owns a farm.
• The farm is located in Turkey, Texas.
• Mr. Pigg grows crops on the attorney's farm.
• Wild hogs are a problem on the farm, but not Pigg.
• Attorney baits wild hogs with Kool-Aid.
• Mr. Pigg might like Kool-Aid but he's not the problem.
• There is no problem with turkeys.
• Attorney waits in a tripod stand to eradicate wild hogs with semiautomatic weapons.
• Neither Mr. Pigg nor any turkeys are injured.
• Attorney's other duties include maintaining Bush Hogs.
• Bush Hogs are not wild.
• Mr. Pigg is not responsible for any hogs or turkeys.
• Attorney works more hours on the farm than Mr. Pigg.
• Therefore, Tax Court finds attorney's Kool-Aid expenses are deductible.

You can read the whole thing here. If you were ever inclined to read a Tax Court Memo, this is the one.

If You Can . . .

Here Comes A Ten Foot Pole

Camo-Claus and lots of guns: It's Christmastime at Wal-Mart

" It’s Christmastime in America, and Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the largest seller of guns in the country, is ready for any Santa list. At the Las Vegas store, a middle-aged woman talks with a cashier to clear her background check and purchase a child-sized Crickett 22 long rifle, which comes in black and pink for $114 in a box emblazoned: “My First Rifle.” "

No way am I going to chime in on this.  People on both sides of the gun control issue are doggedly committed to their position and nothing I say here will change that. Consideration of the leading causes of death in 2013, according to the Centers for Disease Control is unlikely to make a difference:

• Heart disease: 611,105 
• Cancer: 584,881 
• Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 149,205 
• Accidents (unintentional injuries): 130,557 
• Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 128,978 
• Alzheimer's disease: 84,767 
• Diabetes: 75,578 
• Influenza and Pneumonia: 56,979 (of which influenza accounts for 3,697)
• Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 47,112 
• Intentional self-harm (suicide): 41,149 (half of which were by discharge of firearms)

The top ten account for roughly 1.9 million out of 2.6 million deaths.

The full report, Deaths:Final Data for 2013, includes the following under the category of Accidents:

• Motor vehicle accidents: 35,369
• Falls: 3,208
• Accidental discharge of firearms: 505
• Accidental drowning and submersion: 3,391
• Accidental poisoning and exposure to noxious substances: 38,851

Assault (homicide) accounts for 16,121 of which 11,208 are caused by discharge of firearms. (Injury by firearms is 33,636.)

I leave you with only one more statistic from the same report and you can draw your own conclusion:

• Measles: 0

Don't Let It Happen To You

Something about this reminds me of commercials on TV for pharmaceuticals. Like, there should be a soft-focus shot of a middle-aged couple holding hands, with flimsy background music, and a voice over saying:

If you exhibit signs of depresso, consider taking Caffeinolin which is available without a doctor's prescription. Caffeinolin is generally safe for most adults. Rare but common side effects include insomnia, nervousness and restlessness, stomach irritation, nausea and vomiting, increased heart rate and respiration, and other side effects. Caffeinolin can make sleep disorders in patients with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) worse. Larger doses might cause headache, anxiety, agitation, chest pain, and ringing in the ears. In very high doses, Caffeinolin can cause irregular heartbeats and even death. 

Caffeinolin is not recommended for patients already suffering from anxiety, bipolar, or bleeding disorders; diabetes, diarrhea, epilepsy, glaucoma, high blood pressure, or irritable bowel syndrome. Patients with heart conditions or suffering from osteoporosis should also refrain from taking Caffeinolin.

Caffeinolin should not be used rectally.  

Happy music fades, a variety of middle-aged people beam unusually bright smiles.

Why fight depresso when you can fight Caffeinolin?

Pro Bowl for Long Snappers

No need to set your DVR. There is no Pro Bowl for long snappers. You don't even get to vote for them when it comes to the Pro Bowl. Not even on the ballot.

Speaking of which, Mr. Commissioner, I saw in more than one article that voting would conclude on December 15th. It's still December 15th here on the west coast and I see that voting is now closed. I realize most of the teams are on the east coast but, hey, we're football fans too!

Michael Davis Smith opined for NBC Sports: "The Pro Bowl ballot does not include long snappers, because, really, who can identify the NFL’s best long snappers?" Instead, the Long Snapper is appointed by the Pro Bowl coaches. Sometime in January. As an afterthought.

So much for "need" player.

#49 Clint Gresham for the Seattle Seahawks has my vote anyway.

Commuting Thought of the Day

No one likes the new variable tolls on I-405, east of Seattle, unless you're a politician or an economist. It was designed to charge a variable toll of $0.75-$10, based on real time traffic flow. Operational only since September 2015, it has already reached the maximum $10 and there is a good deal of moaning and groaning about it. 

The idea behind it is rather simple: supply and demand. When there is a limited supply, you can affect demand- In this case, reduce it - by increasing price. Fewer people on the road means less congestion and everyone gets to where they are going more quickly. Charge a high enough price and some travel will be delayed to non-peak times while other travel will simply be deemed unnecessary. Some may choose to carpool or take public transportation, further reducing congestion. 

It provides economic choice. Time is money. (Or is it the other way around?) When I travel between, say, Bellevue and Kirkland, I can drive, Uber (is that a verb now?), or take the bus. All have time, cost, and convenience trade offs. That principal is now being applied to highway driving. 

Is it working? I don't know. 

First of all, the market principle isn't being applied to all lanes - only two - so it's an imperfect market. Still, the theory is that you can move the maximum number of cars at 45 mph during peak travel times. By charging a low enough toll, you can divert enough cars to the carpool lanes to make the free ones less congested and charging a high enough toll ensures the carpool lanes don't get bogged down. 

Although I wasn't around when the tolls hit $10, my experience has been the carpool lanes are generally empty while the traffic that could be occupying five lanes are now slogging through three. 

Plus, just because you can charge more for a thing doesn't necessarily mean you should. The price of certain medications has skyrocketed. It might be sound economic theory but is it a good idea? 

The toll did get to $10 so there must've been a whole bunch of people using it at one point. And, there's economic theory to suggest it should be even higher although the theory put forward is based on the ability to pay rather than on whether it reduced congestion. 

I don't have any answers here so I apologize if you think I was going to provide a neat solution. It's an interesting question, though - how do we all get from here to there most efficiently? For now, all you can do is pick a lane and try to remember to wave to your fellow motorists with all five fingers. 

While you're stuck in traffic (as a passenger, of course) consider the following additional reading:

http://freakonomics.com/2009/01/06/why-youll-love-paying-for-roads-that-used-to-be-free-a-guest-post/

http://freakonomics.com/2009/01/08/why-youll-love-paying-for-roads-that-used-to-be-free-part-two/

http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/10-fast-lane-toll-ridiculous-and-way-too-low/

(Posted from an Amtrak train.)

Hot Sorority Girls?

You know those movies that portray sorority houses as places where young women run around in their underwear? You know, they're all getting ready for some party and they're preening in front of a mirror in nothing but a bra (or topless) and panties because what else do sorority girls do?

I was in a sorority and I don't remember it being that way. Not for me, anyway. I remember one girl whose main focus was more the next party than the next class but the rest of us were fairly serious about our studies. As for running around in our underwear, I don't remember much of that either. I remember my housemates as being somewhat modest.

I think if we were to have a reunion, however, it would be a different story. Just assuming we'd be willing to share a bathroom, can you imagine a group of women in their fifties, running their blowdryers all at the same time? If you're a woman in your fifties, you can't.

Thirty years later (when did that happen?), I wear as little as possible when I'm drying my hair and have a fan on to boot. By the time my hair is done, I've got a full on sweat going and could use another shower.

But who wants to see a bathroom fun of fifty-year-olds in their underwear?

(Put your hands down.)

Maybe it's fifty-year-old men making those sorority movies. That's gotta be it.

Letter to the Editor

December 11, 2015

Editor

The Economist

25 St. James Street

LONDON

SW1A 1HG

RE: Novelty Socks

I disagree with the statement, “Nobody changed the world with novelty socks,” on the mailing cover of the December 5th-11th 2015 edition of The Economist. I am personally familiar with one person’s world that has been changed by a wild array of hosiery and all who know him are better for it.

When he was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer, he decided he needed something to help him to remember to be happy. As the disease and treatments progressed, others followed him in fanciful footwear. His siblings were the first to pick up on the trend and they quickly amassed a large and varied collection of novelty socks between them. A group phone chat was even organized so they could share daily pictures of each new pair as they were acquired. (So eager were they to show off their spectacularly dressed feet, a rule needed to be established for appropriate times to share, scattered as they were across many time zones.)

The extended family soon joined in the earnest folly. Clinicians and doctors in two states are participating. More will undoubtedly follow. As we dress each morning, we are reminded to be happy and grateful for each other. We have been brought closer together in our common goal to see this man and his family through this journey and support them as best we can.

Can novelty socks change the world? Why not? They changed us. No matter the end of his story, we will have the socks to help us to remember to be happy, grateful, and supportive to each other. I say we give it a try.

Sincerely,

Lynn C Dot

Western Washington is Closed Today Due to Really Shitty Weather

Please find another state to visit.

Sorry, kids. I-5 is closed. US 2, 12, and 101 are closed. I-90 is closed at Snoqualmie Pass. State Routes 14 and 507 are closed.

If you're already here, too bad for you. Amtrak is operational but they weren't yesterday. I give myself a 50% chance of making it home today.

That's where I am right now, on a train midway between Portland and Seattle. Not moving, mind you, but dry. But the groundwater is so high that it's mere feet from the track.

Flights were expensive and also assumed I could get to the airport.

Maybe I should have traveled by barge.

(Check out the Washington State Department of Transportation Twitter feed to stay abreast of the mayhem.)

Peace

Career Building

Who knew? I didn't. 

Love is an Interesting Stew

• Joy
• Happiness
• Anticipation
• Adventure
• Sorrow
• Frustration
• Wonder
• Anxiety
• Patience
• Vulnerability
• Resentments
• Laughter
• Tears
• Tenderness
• Acceptance
• Respect

Stir. Simmer. Boil.

It's December already?

When did that happen? Oh, like a week ago? Jeez, where have I been?

It's not like I've been all that busy - I've only been in two cities this first week. (I'll be in a total of five different cities in December.) Doing what? you might ask. It's a long story but this is my version of being homeless.

Short version: I'm anything but homeless - I'm less one home. I used to have two-and-a-half homes but I sold one and the "half" is a boat. So instead of commuting back and forth between two homes, I just go where I feel like going on my time off. This month that includes visits to Palm Desert, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver (BC).

Somewhere in there, there's a holiday. You would think it would be helpful if someone sent out a reminder! Oh, that's the incessant holiday music? The twinkly, sparkly decorations?

Good gravy. I've got to get my act together!

Wonderland, indeed.

Very near San Bernadino yesterday, I passed a Cadillac Escalade with wide, low profile tires, tinted windows, and a decal on the back window that read, "Born to Die." The very next car I passed, driven by a grandfatherly man, was a Toyota Camry wherein small teddy bears filled the back window. 

Two very different ideologies peacefully expressed. 

San Bernadino hosted its Winter Wonderland and Christmas Parade yesterday. I was here instead:

Everyone is doing well. A Wonderland, indeed. 

An Agument for Punctuation

Area of rescue or area of rescue assistance? Anyway, it's located inside the stairwells as far as I can tell. 

And, would I rather be rescued by the elevators (where the sign was posted) or assisted in the stairwell? Best to decide these things in advance. 

One of these things doesn't belong here.

Or, Superman is at a severe disadvantage here. 

Could be very useful during tax time!

Starbucks’ new delivery service in Seattle is fast, not perfect

You had me at "delivery."

My office used to face another office building. Every tax season I wondered what would happen if I put a sign in my window that read, "Help! Need latte!" Since I never tried it, I continue to wonder. And since my office moved to a window with a view of the parking lot, I'll never know.

At the main office, there two Starbucks within a five minute walk but during tax time, even that is an unacceptable amount of time to be away from my desk. Literally, I get fed there. I've thought about hanging a giant water bottle of the gerbil variety over my desk - you know, to go with the wheel - so I wouldn't even need to get up to get a glass of water but that would just create more frequent bathroom breaks. (As does coffee.) Maybe a pellet feeder that dispenses chocolate. Yeah, that would work.

My other office is about a mile away from the closest Starbucks along a busy road. Not pedestrian friendly. I've literally contemplated ordering an Uber driver to go fetch my latte for me. I have an app to place my coffee order and another one to order a car. Why not put them together on one app?

Thank you, Starbucks, for catching up but you only have a few months to work out the kinks and expand your service area because tax season is around the corner.

In the meantime, I'll pass on the turkey sandwich.