Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Don't Let It Happen To You

Something about this reminds me of commercials on TV for pharmaceuticals. Like, there should be a soft-focus shot of a middle-aged couple holding hands, with flimsy background music, and a voice over saying:

If you exhibit signs of depresso, consider taking Caffeinolin which is available without a doctor's prescription. Caffeinolin is generally safe for most adults. Rare but common side effects include insomnia, nervousness and restlessness, stomach irritation, nausea and vomiting, increased heart rate and respiration, and other side effects. Caffeinolin can make sleep disorders in patients with acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) worse. Larger doses might cause headache, anxiety, agitation, chest pain, and ringing in the ears. In very high doses, Caffeinolin can cause irregular heartbeats and even death. 

Caffeinolin is not recommended for patients already suffering from anxiety, bipolar, or bleeding disorders; diabetes, diarrhea, epilepsy, glaucoma, high blood pressure, or irritable bowel syndrome. Patients with heart conditions or suffering from osteoporosis should also refrain from taking Caffeinolin.

Caffeinolin should not be used rectally.  

Happy music fades, a variety of middle-aged people beam unusually bright smiles.

Why fight depresso when you can fight Caffeinolin?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Other side effects may be experienced. Consult your doctor.