Here are two gifts I won't be giving you.

If it's the thought that counts, you are doubly blessed because I have two gifts that I won't be giving you.

Aloe

I have three aloe plants, two of which have given birth to several more and their pots are getting crowded. All year, I kept thinking I would come across a sale of adorable small pots that I could use to re-pot all the babies and gift to friends. But, I didn't. And, I didn't go out of my way to find them either.

Fruitcake

Phew!, you just sighed, but have you actually tried one? At the turn of the century (or thereabouts), I came across an article in Martha Stewart Living, to which I then subscribed, that extolled the virtues of this holiday phenomenon. Somehow, even though I had a career and two kids, I had enough time to bake all five varieties mentioned in the article. I think I liked some better than others but since I can't remember, it might be time to make them again.

The cakes are literally fermented and, therefore, must be made well in advance of when you intend to eat (or gift) them. For this reason (and the fact that I suck at managing my time), you will not be receiving such a cake this year. (Beware, I've already put it on my calendar for November to start baking for next year.)

Of the five recipes included in the article, only one can be made in less than one month's time: Chocolate Panforte. It is possible you'll get a bite of this before the year is over. However, I also found this at Martha Stewart dot com: Miniature Golden Fruitcakes so you're not entirely safe from the gift of fruitcake although it's highly unlikely that I'll get motivated enough to actually make them.

But, I thought about it so there you go. Merry Christmas.

Stress

The effort it takes to reduce stress is stressing me out. My blood pressure has been running a little high lately and I'm trying to avoid taking medication for it. For alternatives, I found this list (from 13 Natural Ways to Lower Your Blood Pressure - ABC News):

1. Power walks [Already doing it.]
2. Breathe deeply *
3. Potassium [Had it tested. No deficiency.]
4. Reduce sodium [Also tested fine.]
5. Dark chocolate [Every day, baby!]
6. Coenzyme Q10 [Started taking it as of today.]
7. Drink (a little) alcohol [I'm an overachiever here (and not in the "little" department).]
8. Switch to decaf coffee [In your dreams but I'll do it if nothing else works.]
9. Hibiscus tea [On my shopping list.]
10. Work less [I'm in front of the computer most of the day whether I'm working or not.]
11. Relax with music *
12. See help for snoring [For me or my partner?]
13. Replace refined carbs with foods high in soy or milk protein [I'm not sure how one can replace the other but reducing one and increasing the other makes sense. I have a soy latte, generally, every day.]

     * This is where I get stressed out.

I'm doing well in most of these areas but there are a couple bad habits I probably should fix. Deep breathing and relaxing music? Who has time for that?

I've tried to close my eyes and focus on my breathing and found myself getting antsy almost immediately. Today, I tried while listening to the most relaxing music ever and set a timer for one minute and was, frankly, surprised at how quickly the time passed. I'll work on increasing that time but just thinking about it is like: "Great, just another chore I've got to do." (If I all I did was worry about my "gottas" I'd never get to any of my "wannas.")

As if that wasn't stressful enough, I looked up how to properly take my own blood pressure. The instructions from Mayo Clinic include (and I quote although the emphasis is all mine):

• Measure your blood pressure twice daily. The first measurement should be in the morning before eating or taking any medications, and the second in the evening. Each time you measure, take two or three readings to make sure your results are accurate. Your doctor might recommend taking your blood pressure at the same times each day.
• Don't measure your blood pressure right after you wake up. You can prepare for the day, but don't eat breakfast or take medications before measuring your blood pressure. If you exercise after waking, take your blood pressure before exercising.
• Avoid food, caffeine, tobacco and alcohol for 30 minutes before taking a measurement. Also, go to the toilet first. A full bladder can increase blood pressure slightly.
• Sit quietly before and during monitoring. When you're ready to take your blood pressure, sit for five minutes in a comfortable position with your legs and ankles uncrossed and your back supported against a chair. Try to be calm and not think about stressful things. Don't talk while taking your blood pressure.

My morning routine includes coffee first thing so there's no period between "right after you wake up" and coffee. Certainly not 30 minutes. If I take my bp before exercise, that's less than 30 minutes after I had coffee. And twice daily taken multiple times? Sitting still for five minutes? It's all getting to be too much!

Ugh! It seems that medication is the easy way out - pop a pill and go about my day. But, if I want to avoid that, I need to quit whining and figure out how to relax a little. 

Maybe I need a cat. [I typed "stress and cats" into my search engine and found articles about stressed cats. That's the last thing I need!]

No Explosions

Sunday started with coffee in bed and an email from KenKen Puzzle Company saying that my December puzzles were ready. It was the perfect start to any day.

I decided, after all, to get out the holiday decorations which now consist of a ceramic tree lit by Lite-Brite-like lights (say that ten times fast), empty Christmas stockings, and a few decorations left over from when we used to get a tree. I turned on the fake fire (adding a YouTube crackling fire soundtrack), and lit an evergreen-scented candle.

It's not like Christmases past. No live tree. No family coming to visit. No music. (There's still three weeks to go. Don't want to overdo it.) I'm not nostalgic. Rather, I appreciate the easy, low stress, simplicity.

My family is strewn across the country so it's been decades since we were all together for the holidays. Meanwhile, Hubby's large family of four generations has managed to get together every year. (36 in all now, including spouses, if I counted right). A boisterous crowd, everyone somehow managed to get there. There were white elephant gifts and gift exchanging games that were loud and rambunctious. There was a kitchen full of food and more cookies than could be conceivably consumed. Santa sometimes showed up and one year even the Grinch made an appearance.

This year is the first year we won't all be together. Families have moved apart. There are new households and new traditions being established. Ornaments are being passed down to younger generations. They can have the stress, too! I'm enjoying the quiet.

I guess the transformation is complete. I've managed to get into the spirit of things (although "jolly" might be a stretch). And, I didn't blow anything up.

Peaceful, all around.

BADASS!

After a lazy morning yesterday, Hubby and I approached each other with "What do you want to do now?"

I answered, "Well, we could go to a movie or maybe take a handgun lesson."

*record screech*

These words have never before formed in my mind, much less come out of my mouth. I don't have any desire to own a handgun and have only had a mild curiosity about how to handle one. We discussed movie options, a possible hike, a quick day trip to a winery but by the time I got out of the shower, we had an appointment with an instructor at the local gun range.

It was a little nerve wracking since I've never even handled a handgun before. I've only (knowingly) been in a room with one a couple of times. Yet, here we were. We started with classroom instruction that covered safety, range rules, stance, grip, and aiming before even handling a weapon.

Our instructor chose a Glock 17 for us to try and we headed to the range where we covered the mechanics of the gun before even loading it. I felt calm even as my hands shook. The noise didn't bother me. I wan't afraid of the recoil, although I found myself anticipating it at times, and I wasn't worried about the shells as they were ejected from the gun. I just tried to take it all in- intellectualize it all - yet the adrenaline found its way to my sweaty palms.

In the end, I had fun -  a word that feels funny to use in the context of lethal weapons. Using firearms responsibly should never be trivialized. That being said, I felt badass. I did something that I was uncomfortable doing. I learned something. And, I did well.

I'll probably go back but I still don't want to own a gun. And I'm just as interested in taking a traditional self-defense class. (My alter ego is a ninja.)

So maybe range shooting wasn't a very Christmas-y activity and it did nothing to get me ready to celebrate the holiday. (Now that I mention that, what does that even mean? Why does anyone need to get ready?) But, I'll grin the next time I hear the song, "You better watch out..." because this Grandma is a badass!

This is as close to Christmas as it gets.

Today is the first Saturday since mid-September that I've been home with nothing on the calendar. To understand the significance, you have to understand just how much I schedule. I have ten trips scheduled in the next six months. Hair appointments, accordingly, are scheduled through May. I even schedule when I change the sheets because I can't remember when I changed them last.

It's just past noon and I'm still in my pajamas having finished my second cup of coffee in front of a fake yule log, with accompanying sounds provided by a YouTube video linked in by wifi. I suppose I could get more into the Christmas spirit by hauling out the decorations but I leave again in two weeks. Is it worth it? Perhaps I should don my Grinch onsie and think about it.

For the most part, I have everything I want with the exception of time. There's never enough time but I'm enjoying the time I have. Every second.

I'm glad to be back on Holidailies. Without it, I would just give up (blogging) and, in fact, have thought about doing just that. It comes down to time. And effort, and when that starts to feel like work it's no longer fun. Last year, I launched a second blog about beer and quickly found myself unqualified and outclassed by the true writers in the beer industry. I remain enthusiastic about the beer scene but my enthusiasm for beer writing has gone flat.

I'm hoping Hoilidailies will rekindle my interest in writing. (It certainly puts in on the schedule.) In the meantime, I need to figure out what to do with my day as I am unaccustomed to so much free time.

I'll let you know how that turns out.

If you like podcasts, here are 10 of the best.

The top 10 podcasts of 2018
TIME

From 30:30 to Serial Read the full story

Shared from Apple News

Sent from my iPad

The Story of Festivus

TGIF!

It's been five whole days since I had a day off. Scoff you may, but due much travel this is the first five-day workweek I've had in seven weeks! I coped by mostly avoiding work at the office and occasionally clocking out early. Still, time dragged eternal as I stared out the window and organized month's worth of future travel. 

Just in time, I spied an excellent opportunity for a road trip this weekend lest I grow moss. It's that or clean the house.

The choice is clear.

Why did the elk cross the road?

To get to the other side.

And this, children, is why we don't jump on beds.

Warrenton, OR

Thankful and, well, just full.

This doesn't even include the pie.

Mud Wrestling

Reentry will be rough.

I figure a tan must weigh something because what else could account for weight gain on vacation? (Sand in your pockets??)

Yesterday was our first real soaker of the year. It rained all day. Consequently, it was the first day we ran the heat. Summer is over, my friends.

The window in my office space faces east so I get wonderful light in the mornings, even if filtered through drizzle. The overhead light is dismal so I use it only when necessary which will be the case, more and more, in coming days.

Good thing I'm going to the beach in a couple of weeks and have a good book to bring with me. I think I should stay there until, maybe, March. That should do it.

Double Nickels

I had the greatest birthday ever. Even better than the one I had fifty years ago in the back yard of the family home with all the neighborhood kids in attendance, clowns, jugglers, a pony. (Okay, that never happened. I'm just saying my birthday was even better than that.)

Birthday greetings started the day before and lasted until well into the day after. I had no idea I had so many friends! Even if FB had to remind you to think of me, I appreciate it. It was nice to hear from so many people and I felt loved. Thank you.

I also got a free movie from Redbox and a free coffee from Starbucks. The former is available to redeem anytime in the next month which is as it should be. 'Bucks, however, required that I drink my birthday coffee on my actually birthday.

I was not going to pass by a free cup of coffee, even though I have been under the weather ever since a recent visit to the vibrant vacation destination of Des Moines. On my birthday, I had been, unshowered, in my pajamas for four days, greasy and smelly, but I went. Too bad for you, Starbucks! I got my coffee!

Thus energized, I later showered and dressed (you're welcome) and accepted an invitation to a home-cooked meal at the home of a retired Coast Guard chef. I donned a surgical mask and brought extras for the kids. Just in case.

It was the best meal I'd had in days after surviving on canned chili, canned chicken soup, Triscuits, and potato chips. Perhaps not the healthiest food, it was food for comfort and all I could muster.

Another friend, thinking to surprise me, asked Hubby what kind of cake I like. He responded ANY. And, so, she brought four quarter cakes arranged as one: chocolate, caramel, red velvet, and carrot. I ate them all.

My stomach was stretched and bloated to the point I thought it would explode. I carried it home in both hands, groaning in uncomfortable, sated pleasure. The following morning, my scale treated me with a lie so sweet: it said I was light as a feather, despite a body shape that suggested otherwise.

I'm still under the weather. My nose is producing more snot than I thought humanly possible but at least I am sleeping through the night and I am maintaining a hygiene routine. My hands are chapped for all their washing. And I'm busy at work as we head into the extended federal tax deadline.

But, I'm happy and that's all anyone can hope for. Thank you for helping to make my day special. I hope you're having a great day, too.

Giving stuff away can be complicated

... at least, if you want a tax deduction for it. This is a good article on how to do it properly which is trickier than you might think. I see a lot of contribution receipts in my line of work (as a tax preparer) and many times they are invalid.

Fewer people will itemize their deductions on their 2018 tax returns. For those who will take a standard deduction, charitable giving will be easy because keeping track of donation receipts will no longer be required. However, if you plan to donate and itemize, be aware of the rules, particularly for amounts above $250. (Just $251 can get you in trouble. Over $500, even more.)

While this article gets into the weeds a little bit, it's not as boring as its title might imply:

Lesson From The Tax Court: The Substantial Substantiation Rules In §170

The takeaway: 1) Always get a proper receipt. 2) Know what a proper receipt is.

Update to Missing the Music

[This is a follow up post to Missing the Music.]

Jimmy is back. Alas, without Nancy who was recently placed in a memory care facility. He's trying to adjust and struggling to know the right things to do. He has been her primary caregiver until now and it's been difficult for him to let go of that responsibility.

He was on his bench this week, listening to music and trying to take a break from what he's been going through. He is worried about what Nancy is going through and is waiting for the opportunity
to bring her back to the waterfront, to their regular bench. For now, he plays music for her at the facility where, he tells us, they have some nice outdoor space.

We never really knew Nancy but Jimmy has been with her for twelve years. They were always by each other's sides. It won't get better for Nancy but in time, hopefully, things will get better for Jimmy. We are glad he's back and glad to hear his music.

Overachiever

It's not fall yet!

Ah, passwords.

There are as many websites on strong passwords as ways to devise and keep track of them all. I do my best to create strong passwords. I also have a scheme for keeping track of them which involves translating them into keywords so my list of passwords only has keywords and not passwords. Every time I log in somewhere, though, I have to look up the keyword because there are so many derivations, each according to how secure I want to be. (Banking passwords are stronger than sites that contain no financial information, for example). It might be difficult for a human to circumvent this system but probably not so much for a computer.

All this effort does nothing to protect my mailbox.  Luckily, the IRS is introducing a new format for receiving tax transcripts by mail. A tax transcript can be obtained online or by mail and contains all of the information used in filing your tax return so you can see what the IRS has recorded for your income, deductions, and payment of tax. It includes your social security number, address, employer information, and adjusted gross income - everything you need to steal one's identity. Unfortunately, this change doesn't occur until after I ordered mine. (Change takes effect September 23rd.)

I ordered a transcript after I received an IRS tax notice thanking me for my 2017 amended tax return. Since I hadn't filed one, I thought getting a transcript was not only a good idea but probably easier than trying to call the IRS. I could have ordered one online (and probably should have) but since they would have had to check with credit reporting agencies to verify my identity, I would have had to temporarily suspend the credit freeze on those accounts (which was put in place after last year's Equifax hack).

I figured delivery by mail was more secure than lifting the credit freeze (if not the lesser of two hassles) but I was wrong.

I don't know that anyone actually stole it. What I know is I received an Informed Delivery email from the US Postal Service announcing it was going to be delivered to my locked mailbox on August 23rd. The email contained a picture of the envelope. I could see it was from the IRS and I could also see my social security number through the envelope. (C'mon, guys. Maybe thicker paper stock?? If I can see it in an emailed PDF, don't you think Average Joe could see it in his hand?) I went to the mailbox to retrieve my mail and - not there.

I checked the next day, and the next. Still not there. I reported it as missing with USPS. To date, I have heard nothing back. It does not appear that the mailbox was broken into and that is the only piece of mail that's missing. The only one. WTF?

So, now, I've re-upped the fraud alert (which, it turns out, was what I had before - not a credit freeze - which means I probably could've ordered online in the first place). In addition, I've filed an Identity Theft Affidavit with the FTC and the IRS. Meanwhile, the IRS is holding on to part of my refund for last year which is what precipitated this whole mess.

So far, nothing bad has happened (other than the aforementioned) *knocking wood* but I've learned my lesson: have strong passwords because the alternative is a pain in the neck no matter how you get there.

At least I had something to write about.

I started the day by sleeping in and then sleeping in some more. I kept hoping that someone would bring me coffee in bed but since that didn't happen, I got up and made it myself. Having left all my toys in the vicinity of my bed, I retreated there to write whereupon I spilled my freshly made coffee.

I cried out. While the bed itself was mostly unstained, I had flooded the nightstand. (Yes, one night stand.) My night in shining armor (who might have avoided this tragedy had he brought coffee to bed in the first place) arrived with rags in hand for the mop up on Aisle 1.

The carpet was relatively coffee free so our efforts were focused mostly on the nightstand, lamp, and surrounding walls down which coffee dripped and pooled precariously on the baseboards. The blessing was that I didn't dump the entire cup and I still had most of it, now cooled considerably, to enjoy.

The cup a safe distance away, I arranged my pillows and toys just so before placing my cup on the nightstand and climbing in once again.

Let that be a lesson to you White Knight! (Or, could we just install the coffee maker upstairs?)

This is Not a Political Blog

In fact, the subject of politics rarely interests me. Even if it did, I'm not likely to bring it up. And, as a rule, I wouldn't post anything political on this blog.

However, I'm making an exception for the Vancouver City Council race. I'll admit, Sarah is a friend of mine. That notwithstanding, I think she's the best candidate for the job. You can check out her website here and on Facebook here. She's civic minded by nature, involved in the community, fair, and honest. She would do a great job for Vancouver.

Even though I'm rarely politically engaged, I am doing what I can to help her campaign. To that end, here's a video of the recent primary election night:



(The video should start just as she comes on camera. If it doesn't, she comes on at 48:16 and goes to 52:42.)

I'll try to keep the political posts to a minimum - that's not what this blog is about - but if I can help Sarah between now and November, one or two more posts may sneak in. I hope you'll bear with me and, while you're at it, consider giving her your vote.

Thank you.

I'm voting for Sarah too!

Who is this really?

From: Lynn_C_Dot
To: Hubby

Do you want to go to the Seahawks versus Dallas game on September 23?

Amtrak tix are still available. Up on the 22nd 12:18pm-3:30pm. Back 6:10pm-9:08pm. (Game is 1:25) Cheap tix are $140 total rt. Not as comfortable as business class but we get to sit together and we can hang out in the bar car.

Haven't looked at Seahawks tix or accomodations but the calendar is clear.

L

From: Lynn_C_Dot
To: Hubby

Hello?

We can do it same day but it costs $20 more. (Still less than a hotel room.) Leaves Vancouver 8:38 am and arrives Seattle 11:50. Game time is 1:25. Return trip leaves 6:10 pm and arrives Vancouver 9:08 pm.

What do you think?

L

To: Lynn_C_Dot
From: Hubby

Who is this really?

Missing the Music

Jimmy and Nancy

If you spend any time on the Waterfront Renaissance Trail in VanWA, you've seen these two. You'll find them sitting on a park bench, listening to music. They are Jimmy and his wife, Nancy.

Nancy has Alzheimer's and doesn't communicate much anymore but she does seem to connect to music, Jimmy told us. His phone is loaded with a variety of music, mostly pop, which he plays on a small, portable Bluetooth speaker. He loves it when people, usually small children, stop to dance and he'll change the music to whatever people seem to respond to.

Everybody knows "that guy" - the guy who plays music down by the waterfront. Very few people say hello but every once in a while a friend passes by.

We haven't seen them lately. They always sit on the same park bench by McMenamins but there's very little shade and it's been unusually hot here lately. We usually take the bench next to them but have taken up a spot further west under a shade tree. Even so, we walk back to see if they are there to find their bench empty.

We miss them. We miss their music. They've been a fixture here for years and we hope they're okay. If you see them, stop and dance for a while. It would make Jimmy's day.

Witness the birth of an iceberg

EarthSky article and video:

" This iceberg broke off Greenland’s Helheim Glacier on June 22. If laid atop New York City, it’d stretch from lower Manhattan to Midtown. "

Dog Days of Summer

... are here. Roughly, until August 11. Men, especially, take heed:

" The 1729 British Husbandman's Practice claimed that 'The Heat of the Sun is so violent that Men's bodies at Midnight sweat as at Midday: and if they be hurt, they be more sick than at any other time, yea very near Dead'. It therefore advised men to 'abstain all this time from women' and to 'take heed of feeding violently'. "

Wikipedia

This guy's in trouble.

Don't play with fireworks, children!

Because something like this could happen. And did last night.

We were invited to a friend's house last night to celebrate the Fourth of July. She lives at the end of a dead end street next to a couple of large empty lots. In one, a small group (looked to be a family) set up their own party with lawn chairs and coolers. And fireworks.

One of their explosives didn't work as advertised. As I understand it, the firework in question was designed to spin on the ground and then shoot upwards. Instead, it shot sideways and landed in a tree behind our friend's house.

I saw it streak across her back yard, just behind her fence. Immediately after, a man ran from the vacant lot, across her driveway to her back yard. I thought it odd but didn't know anything was wrong until we saw smoke which was only a short minute later.

Our party evacuated the premises and waited at the house across the street as for firemen to arrive. The men went around back to do what they could with garden hoses. The women comforted the children, most of whom were scared and crying.

The fire spread quickly to neighboring trees and, eventually, to a utility pole which also caught fire, causing the power line to fall. PUD was called. A man with a professional-looking video camera appeared on the scene but no news truck.

Meanwhile, neighborhood fireworks continued all around us.

Here's the kicker. After PUD and the fire department left, people from our own party started lighting off their own fireworks. To their credit, they spoke with the firemen beforehand and asked their advice on the safest place to shoot them off. The street in front of the house was indicated.

By this time, the children had stopped crying and the events of only moments before were entirely forgotten. (Cake will solve most problems.) Fireworks ensued and the kids were thrilled.

On with the show, I guess. Next year, I'll stick to my own back yard where fireworks are illegal.

Not A Second To Lose!

(... or gain, apparently.)

June 30th was like any other day. Maybe you noticed.



Paris, 09 January 2018


Bulletin C 55

To authorities responsible
for the measurement and
distribution of time



INFORMATION ON UTC - TAI


NO leap second will be introduced at the end of June 2018.
The difference between Coordinated Universal Time UTC and the
International Atomic Time TAI is :

from 2017 January 1, 0h UTC, until further notice : UTC-TAI = -37 s

Leap seconds can be introduced in UTC at the end of the months of December
or June, depending on the evolution of UT1-TAI. Bulletin C is mailed every
six months, either to announce a time step in UTC, or to confirm that there
will be no time step at the next possible date.


Christian BIZOUARD
Director
Earth Orientation Center of IERS
Observatoire de Paris, France

Reports From the River

My scale misses me when I travel. Whenever I return from a trip, she lies about my weight. While flattering, there’s no way I could have lost poundage eating deep dish pizza in Chicago.

But the love wears thin in about a week when she suggests, in no uncertain terms, that that I’ve gained three pounds overnight. Another one today.

She misses me no more. Must be time to go somewhere.

This is a picture from this morning's walk. You can see the beach is back now that the river has receded. Not long ago, the river was up to the white-ish mark you can see on this bulkhead wall.

A blue heron landed at the water's edge beside me as I was taking this picture but flew away again before I could snap his picture.

On my walk, I saw the Russian guy. I have no idea if he's Russian or not. I just have this idea that he is. We used to see him walking every morning along with a woman and a child (wife and daughter?) but haven't seen them in a while. Today, it was just him.

I also came across the Hat Lady. We call her that because she is always wearing a big hat. She is usually wearing a long, flowing dress as well but we don't call her the Dress Lady. Today, she was wearing shorts and I confirmed that she has legs. Two. She was walking her fluffy white dogs. The dogs were not wearing hats, nor dresses, and had four legs each. 

Last night, the airplanes were flying west to east which is the direction they usually fly in the winter. Today, they are flying east to west. I am relieved as summer hasn't even started yet.

I've avoided work for as long as I possibly can this morning. If I can avoid work for just a couple more minutes, it will be afternoon and I will have successfully eschewed work for half a day.

It's possible I'll get some work done this afternoon. It's equally possible I will take a nap.

Who talks like this?

"We will make investments to modernize our key technology platform to enable more innovation and reduce our IT run rate spend over time. Additionally, we will invest to improve cross-channel client experiences and enhance our marketing and advertising capabilities. We’ll improve the service quality and consistency in our offices. This work is in process and we’ve already started to make some changes, including our decision to consolidate 400 smaller company-run offices. This action will help optimize our footprint and enable us to more effectively manage our field operations, elevate our talent and deliver more consistent quality to our clients.”

 Whatever that means.

H&R Block plans to close 400 tax prep offices | Accounting Today

Recommended

Last night, we went to see Lady Day at Emerson's Bar & Grill at Portland Center Stage. In a word: not to be missed. (I realize that's more than one word but, really, it's not to be missed.)

Deidrie Henry is amazing as Billie Holiday in her final concert. Henry's voice is beautiful and her acting believable as she takes us on a journey of Billie Holiday's life.

Portland Center Stage at the Armory is a small enough venue that any seat is a good seat. We happened to sit in the third row where I was enthralled by Henry and her supporting cast, Abdul Hamid Royal on piano, James H. Leary on bass, and Charles Neal on drums. Henry, who delivers 99.9% of the play's dialog is both funny and deeply poignant and her interpretation of Billie Holiday's music was evocative and full of emotion.

Lady Day at Emerson's Bar & Grill runs through July 1st so if you're in the Portland area, get yourself a ticket. If you're not, you might consider making the trip. It's that good. (And maybe I'll take you out for dinner.)

I've been on buying spree lately. Clothes. I justify it as necessary upkeep. For example, I needed plain, white shirts. I needed to update.

Now, I need to clean out my closet and get rid of some old stuff which was a goal I set for 2018 anyway.

Or, I could just get new hangers, right?

When in doubt, nap.

My house is a mess and all I really want to do is clean it. But yesterday was a gloriously sunny day and I really couldn't justify staying indoors. The weather app on my phone indicated Sunday wouldn't be as nice so I figured whatever I had to do could wait one more day.

It was sunny again this morning and I was conflicted. Do I take advantage of the nice weather or do I stay home to do household chores?

The answer is neither.

A nap seemed the proper solution.

Lost in Translation

We don't have any travel plans for this weekend, an odd occurrence. I don't sit still for long. In May, I was somewhere else 15 days. Half the month.

This time, all I want to do is stay home, sleep, do some light chores around the house. Maybe do some cooking. Nest a little.

Last weekend, while passing through town, I dictated some of the things rattling around in my head - notes for future blog posts. It didn't translate well but I kind of like how it turned out so there:

To be not to be, present.

It’s easy to look up kids and say they are two plugged in. I was just at a family reunion when my grandson was denied his electronic toys. The first half day he was bored and so early. But the next day he found his niche niche truly beautiful thing. He played games with me playing games with his cousins he made up a venturous and he went exploring in the backyard. It’s child’s hoods should be.

But isn’t that true with us? Alone in a bar or a restaurant, are we more apt to open up app check our status, we are emails on our phones? Are we more likely to play a game I listen to a podcast rather than engaging neighbor?

The neighbor on the airplane was too fat to fit him in his chair. He was tattooed, peers,Can you wear a flannel shirt. He looks like a Brewer in the Pacific Northwest: conditioning to the affirmation and he were at had a full on facial hair.

On the flight home, we watched crazy stupid love. Sophomoric movie but we laughter asses off. My neighbor, on the other hand, watched murder on the Orient express. I couldn’t help but notice because we had watched it on the flight to Phoenix. As both our movies and then, I asked him how did you like it? He said he liked it but we both agree that the movie was slow but the acting was good he asked me have you read the book? I said I didn’t think I had. He said he thought the movie capture the book perfectly in that it was slow. But that’s Agatha Christie, he said.

Perceptions are only that.

Headline Starbucks stop selling coffee

I get emails from Starbucks every day. Maybe more than one. But they didn’t tell me it would be no longer selling French roast coffee beans in their stores. I found that out when I tried to buy some and they were sold out. It’s not that that hasn’t happened before, because it has. But they always we stock and I can always get my beans. Last time no French roast was to be found And the news was delivered that French roast was discontinued. Forever more. Systemwide.

I think I read they sold distribution lights for distribution in grocery stores or some other such thing. I need to look it up. But perhaps French roast will still be available in grocery stores.
No not everyone likes Starbucks and I know no one likes French roast but that’s what I’ve been drinking for the last 15 years. What am I to do? For Rhonda Justin and Italian roast, they offered.

I am concerned for the morning’s Brew. And so should you. Because have you met me? Have you met me before when first cuppa coffee, Justin, my neighbor? Have you ever seen me in a Grinch? That’s why am!

Since I drink Americano, methinks espresso roast is the way to go. I know my friends will encourage me to leave the books train find a local roasteri. They are right. I should. I should love my coffee like I like my beer, local.

OK, this is a challenge. I’m on a roll or I think I am. I’ve been meaning to write about the Port of Vancouver on the tour we took of it two weeks ago. It was amazing. Tour leader was knowledgeable to the point where I thought she had been there for 30 years. But when I looked at her file online, she had only been hired for years. She was engaging and had recent text now luggage stored in her head.

I was fascinating to learn major local commerce. Staggering, in fact. It’s worth a tour and if you can do it OK it’s free and be a give you a sandwich with chips. I can’t be beat. Why not?

I’m done but I’m sitting next to guy who looks a lot like Collin mockery from whose line is it anyway I think it’s really cool.

Girl with Jane Ormus gold aviator glasses. Unusually cool.

Starbucks to Stop Selling Coffee

I get emails from Starbucks on a near daily basis and not once did they mention they would discontinue selling French Roast coffee in their retail stores.

A barista told me this news as I was attempting to stock up on coffee beans. Sold out, he told me. Forever. Systemwide.

Yet, on one site, Starbucks describes their French Roast as something they are "particularly proud of."

" It takes an adventurous palate to appreciate this coffee’s blunt flavors. In fact, French Roast is one coffee that people seem to either love or hate. There is no in-between here. "

Believe me, I know not everyone likes French Roast or even Starbucks for that matter but I am hooked on the stuff. There are several local roasters I could choose from and I probably should. I like my beer local; I should spend the time to get my local roasters. The closest is only a mile away.

Apparently, the news has been out there for at least a month, according to the reviews on this page which also describes French Roast as "smoky and singular, the pure, explosive flavor of our darkest roast." Yet it comes as a shock to me. Like these reviewers, I have been buying French Roast for so long, I can't remember buying anything else. And, I drink a lot of coffee.

Perhaps it will still be available in grocery stores but, if so, Starbucks hasn't mentioned it to me.

Wakey, Wakey

I have an alarm clock that simulates a sunrise in the half hour before it's time to wake up and makes the sound of chirping birds at the appointed hour. This time of year, the sun and the birds outside my window get up before my alarm clock.

I like that the sun us up when I get out of bed but the birds? C'mon, I'm tryin' to sleep here.

It's more than confusing.

Shit Happens, Until It Doesn't

Last week, I finally had my colonoscopy. The day before, instead of spending my afternoon in the bathroom, I got constipation. Even after ingesting two 5mg tablets of Dulcolax and half the contents of a 238g bottle of MiraLAX, I had nothing. This was more than a little worrying.

Not to mention disappointing. I waited four months for this appointment and jumped through a few hoops to get it. When the time came to start the colon prep regimen, I was practically giddy. It's not something a person generally gets excited for but the big day was here and I wanted to get to it.

The diet posed no problem. I had green Jell-O and chicken broth and that seemed to satisfy me. Although white wine wasn't considered a clear liquid, black coffee was so I could have as much of that as I wanted. Still, no stool.

At 10 pm, I called the nurse. Constipation hardly seemed possible. The nurse conferred with the doctor. She came back on the line and said if something didn't start happening by 7 am the next morning, to call back.

At 2 am, something did start to happen but it still wasn't what I was expecting. (I've heard stories.) Apparently, it was enough because I had my colonoscopy at 11:15 as scheduled.

I wasn't nervous about the procedure but as I was lying on the gurney waiting my turn, hooked to an IV and monitors, staring into the fluorescent lights above, I couldn't help think of what a scary place a hospital can be. Even as the doctors and nurses did everything they could to make me feel comfortable, the hospital itself was cold and uncaring - just a facility for processing patients.

I remember when my mother-in-law had emergency colon surgery a little over a year ago and how scared she was. The last time she was in a hospital was when she gave birth to her youngest son, a little over 50 years ago. When they sedated her, she got a little (more) goofy and flirted with all the male nurses. She was a hoot but she was nervous as they wheeled her away.

If I flirted with the nurses, I don't remember and that's the story I'm sticking with.

The procedure was over before I knew it. Hubby tells me the doctor came to talk to me afterwards and let me know they removed two benign polyps. I don't remember any of that but I read the paperwork later and that's exactly what it said. I was sleepy and groggy for several hours afterwards but after a meal and a nap, I was pretty much feeling like myself again. No nausea.

Although the entire experience was better for me than for a lot of my friends, I'm neither anxious nor afraid to do it again. Because of the polyps, they said they wanted to see me again in five years but next time I won't give you the play-by-play. As a friend once said:

" You know you're old when you start talking about poop. "

-Richard Haislip 

Wherever you are, Richard, you were so right.

Un-freaking-believable!

IRS provides additional day to file and pay for taxpayers through Wednesday, April 18; IRS processing systems back online

OMG ~ I had no idea the e-file problem was ALL DAY! My job is to produce tax returns (or extensions). I don't file them. After I do a return, a CPA reviews my work and communicates with the client, and then a different person e-files it and delivers the final product (a paper or electronic copy) to the client.

I knew there was a problem yesterday morning but we have problems all year long. "Glitches" they're called. Most of the time, they don't last all day but sometimes they do. A lot of times, we can work around the problem until the problem is fixed.

You know how Santa and the elves work all year for one big day? We're kinda the same (only in reverse. We help the government come into your homes and take your money.) My point is, it's what I work all year for. I start getting ready in November, start getting busy in February, and forget about sleep sometime in late March. The summer months are slow but a lot of returns don't get filed until October so there's a mini-tax season from September until October 15th. Then, it starts all over again with the big crescendo on April 15th. (Or 16th, or 17th, or, now, the 18th!)

Yesterday, was some serious freaking glitch!

After work yesterday, someone told me tax season wasn’t really over. 

Yeah, yeah, I said. 

Two people actually mentioned it but it didn't sink in.

This morning, I read the IRS is giving everyone an extra day. NOOOOOOOO!

I actually made plans to do something ELSE today. Anything but tax returns. 

So, no, I am NOT going to work today. The IRS might be giving you an extra day but my office is closed. (Unless, lavish gifts.

Show time!

One

2

3

Remind you of anyone?

Student puts a spin on ‘no phone’ | The Columbian

“I joked that they could bring in a casette or CD if they wanted music, when the student chimed in and asked if he could bring in a record player,” Saueracker said by email Thursday. “Of course, I thought he was just being a smart ass, so I told him it was OK.”

Lo and behold, he said, the next day, Wednesday, Wyatt came to class carrying a portable record player, a 15-foot extension cord and a vinyl copy of Kanye West’s iconic album “The College Dropout.”

“I just did it as kind of a joke,” Wyatt, a junior, said. “I didn’t need to listen to music for the test. He said if I did he wouldn’t stop me, so I was like OK, I’ll do it.”

Hey, it's no Cadillac but whatever works.

4

Quittin' time

I just got a shoe box (they're electronic now) with 672 pages. Six Hundred SeventyTwo. That's a record!

It's 6:15 on a Thursday which is basically Pre-Friday. On April freaking 12. So, no. Not going to happen today.

5

The quotes are necessary because... ?

Wink, wink.

Wait for it...

I was actually looking for something else but this was in my camera roll. More to follow.

6

7!

8

9

10

Helpful Tax Tips

I had a guy ask if I could help him fill out his W4 to make sure he had the proper withholding considering the new tax regulations.

First of all, no. And second, the only (ONLY) questions allowed today are:

• Would you like more coffee?
• Can I bring you some chocolate?

There comes a time when work can no longer be avoided.

It's unavoidable.

I understand help is on the way. (Thanks, Max.) In the meantime, one day blends into the next, one return after another after another after another....

Friday means nothing.

Saturday, if I'm lucky, I can clip my nails. That's if I'm lucky.

In Box is full.

"i've got so many customers i don't have no time" [lyric just heard on the radio, artist unknown]

Stick Up! or Hung Out to Dry?

It worked!

The Ethernet adapter worked at home and came in handy when I lost power at work yesterday. Or, it might have. I had enough battery power in my laptop to keep working but lost WiFi. I don't know if I lost internet altogether because the power was restored before I could connect laptop-wise - but, cool, in concept.

Haven't fiddled around with the extra display settings yet (again).

Trying to be productive ...

... but my Mac won't have it.

I know this is the opposite of assiduously avoiding work but I bought some productivity tools so I could work more. And, I was excited about it. I wanted to get all connected, geek out, and tell you about how cool it all was. I got a thunderbolt-ethernet adapter and an app that would allow me to use my iPad as a second monitor.

Duet Display worked fine in the Apple environment but as soon as I logged into my Microsoft-based cloud environment, the dual screen functionality ceased. After the first try, I received a software update. Once downloaded, I tried - and failed - again. I'm 99% sure I had my settings correct (for dual monitor display) but when I get a chance, I'll double, triple check.

I test drove the ethernet cable in this day's hotel room, and didn't connect. I could call someone, I suppose, to help me but the phone is at the opposite end of the room. Maybe if I stretch the ethernet cable and the phone cable to their maximum lengths, they would meet in the middle. This has it's merits as I would then be back in bed. (I will give this serious consideration.)

It could be sign that I shouldn't work today. Just thinking. (Plus, closest WABL stamp is only 4 miles away. [Damn! So is the office!])

How did I get so lucky?

Arriving by email this morning, was this announcement from Uber:

It lightened my mood. We have a new neighbor and I found it necessary to pay him a visit at a 6:45 a.m. to ask him to turn down his music.

We haven't even met so I ddin't want to start our neighborly relationship on a bad foot. Although, I could say, we're already there. He moved in sometime in early February during a week when we were out of town. When we came back, it was clear from the noises emanating though our common wall, that a new neighbor had moved in next door.

At first, I thought the noises were related to getting settled - moving furniture, breaking down boxes, hanging shelves and artwork. Moving nearly requires pizza, beer, and a certain amount of loud music. I cut him some slack.

The music continued for a week, then another week, and then we started to strategize about how we might bring this up to our new neighbor. He never played his music late at night but he played it rather constantly - in the morning, in the evening, and in all areas of the house. It didn't matter what room I was in, I could hear music through the wall.

This morning, at 6:45 a.m., before I even had my first cup of coffee, I decided I needed to pay the neighbor a visit. Was it any wonder he couldn't hear the doorbell?

A short while later, we went out for our walk and the Caffe D'Arte truck was parked right outside our door again. This time. the motor was running and no one was inside it. So tempting!

Then, this. Getting ready for work, I consulted my weather app. It featured animated rain behind a forecast of 0% chance of rain.

I think God was trying to tell me to lighten up!

Until 6 a.m. this morning when it started all over again. The music. This time, I went over in my Grinch suit.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Almost Like Christmas

I went out my front door this morning and parked right outside was the coffee supplier for the corner coffee shop. A large van with

Caffé D’arte

painted on its side was just steps away. I thought about hijacking it. Hearing my thoughts, Hubby gently took my elbow and steered me away.

Neither the van driver nor the coffee shop owner know how close they were to losing their inventory. I might have made it across the border, stealing for myself the joy of others like a modern day Grinch (my alter ego.)

If I can't make you miserable by stealing your coffee, I could still do your taxes.

bwahahahaha

Pro Tip #218

Pants are easier to put on if they're unzipped. 

Know anyone who fits this description?

It's National Do A Grouch a Favor Day.

A grouch can be called by a number of names, some of which won’t be described here. However, a few that might come in handy are curmudgeon, crank, grump, sourpuss, bellyacher, grouse, crosspatch, malconent, crab, and grumbler. 

[emphasis mine]

It is suggested that today would be a good day to watch Grumpy Old Men. I think that's a fine idea.

 

The Dreaded French Fry Problem

McDonald’s Says It’s Solved the Industry’s Delivery Problem of Keeping Fries Hot | Bloomberg

" . . . the food has become McDonald’s No. 1 delivery item . . . "

Also, cures baldness.

Speaking of jokes ...

As jokes go, how's this?

CHEMICAL IN MCDONALD’S FRIES COULD CURE BALDNESS, STUDY SAYS | Newsweek

Also cures frothing.

How is it that I don't own flannel?

It was a slightly dark and cold morning. Not raining, not cold, but still I wanted to wear something cozy. Not as heavy as a sweater, I was thinking as I stared into my closet. That's when it hit me. I don't own any flannel!

I have a scarf with the classic tartan pattern but that's the closest I get to flannel. How is this even possible? I live in the Pacific Northwest! (Portlandia, or nearly so, no less.) I drink beer! I'm definitely not in step with local customs. Could this, in fact, be illegal?

Maybe I never saw flannel as fitting into an office wardrobe but I moved my office into my house years ago so I can wear whatever I want. Maybe I didn't see it as very nice "date wear." Hello? PNW!

I did buy some hiking boots recently so that's a step in the right direction. But they're actual hiking boots, not the boots that are intended to be fashionable with skinny jeans while appearing hiking-boot-like. So now I need flannel and boots.

How is there not a Flannel and Boots store on every block, sandwiched in between the coffee shops and microbreweries? How is it that breweries don't sell flannel? At least, they don't bar non-flannel wearing customers.

Surely, people have noticed and I'm embarrassed in the same way that everything is fine until someone points out, after the party, that your fly was down the whole time. Why didn't someone say something sooner?

As soon as the weather is dry enough to bike, I'll pedal to the nearest organic flannel and vegan boot store in Portland. That should set things right.

Remember this?

I was recently at a garage sale where I discovered, hidden behind a door, a red suit with white trim. Oh, yes, you know of what I speak. All I need is a dog named Max and a sleigh and I will be in business. I can't believe my good fortune!

Bwahhahaha.....

Effective yesterday ...

... well, nothing.

Yesterday was the deadline requiring travelers to have a driver's license that complies with the REAL ID Act in order to board commercial flights.

The REAL ID Act was passed in 2005 and was intended to set minimum security standards for license issuance. The purposes covered by the Act are: accessing Federal facilities, entering nuclear power plants, and, no sooner than 2016, boarding federally regulated commercial aircraft.

Starting January 22, 2018, travelers who did not have a license from a compliant state or a state that has been granted an extension would be asked to provide alternate identification. If the travelers could not provide an acceptable form of identification, they would not be permitted through the security checkpoint. Even still, enforcement doesn't start until:

• February 5, 2018, for American Samoa.
• October 10, 2018, for states that have been granted an extension.
• October 1, 2020, for people living in states that are already REAL ID compliant.
• An Enhanced Driver's Licence (issued in the states of  Michigan, Minnesota, New York, Vermont, and Washington) can be used as identification for purposes of commercial air travel but does not make those states REAL ID compliant.

Clear as mud, right?

This map will help.

What Happens at the IRS During a Government Shutdown?

This document tells you, exactly.

• No one will be there to process a refund or an amended return.
• The Small Business/Self-Employed Program Office will retain 3,000 employees for collections and examinations.
• There will be no one in the Whistleblower Department.
• The IRS will retain one guy in the Identity & Records Protection job.
• Three people will be retained in the Office of Professional Responsibility.
• No one will be retained for Competency & Standards in the Return Preparer Office.

But, your taxes are still due.