I wonder what "customer service" is doing while I'm on hold. Is my file literally in the basement for which "Lauren" must file a requisition for a runner to fetch? Maybe I can help; I can look up the information online in a fraction of the time.

All this for a yes/no question. Turns out the answer was no. And, call again next week.

Is there anything else we can do for you Mrs. S?

Can I put you on hold while I look up that answer, Lauren?
Thanks for holding, Lauren. What was the question again?

Is there anything else we can do for you today, Mrs. S?

No, Lauren, there isn't. In fact, you haven't really done anything for me yet, come to think of it. And, you charged me a fee for the privilege.

I understand, Mrs. S. Can I place you on hold to look that up for you?

No, thank you, Lauren.

Thank you, Mrs. S. Have a beautiful day.

Beautiful, indeed.