Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Beats Me!

It takes me three hours to get to work, between the time my alarm goes off and when I actually get there. (Longer, if you take into account the first thing I do upon arriving is make my breakfast. (Even longer, if you consider that the second thing I do is log on to 76003.)) I don't have any idea of why this is.* I don't wear makeup, as a general rule, and about half the time I don't even wash my hair. My work uniform is a pair of jeans and a button down shirt.**

If I understood why this is, I could also explain what a woman carries in her purse. Money and credit cards? Sure, but she could put them in a pants pocket. Keys, ditto.*** Kleenex, band-aids, hand sanitizer - okay, now we're in "mom" territory. (Maybe I'm onto something.)

It takes me almost half as long to get ready for bed. With lotions, potions, and eye creams, how could I possibly go to sleep any earlier? (Damn, that reminds me I haven't put on any hand lotion!)

I'd happily explain women to you but I can't and I am one. If you're not, there's no hope for you.

Sorry, I wish I had better news.

*In my own defense, it takes almost thirty minutes to make my perfect, hand-crafted espresso americano and another thirty minutes to enjoy it. What takes up the other two hours, I have no idea.

**The decision-making is in what shoes to wear.

***Why does a man carry, at most, two keys and a women almost always carries 27 conjoined in a massive ball of keychains?

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