Friday, February 16, 2018

Know anyone who fits this description?

It's National Do A Grouch a Favor Day.
A grouch can be called by a number of names, some of which won’t be described here. However, a few that might come in handy are curmudgeon, crank, grump, sourpuss, bellyacher, grouse, crosspatch, malconent, crab, and grumbler. 
[emphasis mine]
It is suggested that today would be a good day to watch Grumpy Old Men. I think that's a fine idea.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

How is it that I don't own flannel?

It was a slightly dark and cold morning. Not raining, not cold, but still I wanted to wear something cozy. Not as heavy as a sweater, I was thinking as I stared into my closet. That's when it hit me. I don't own any flannel!

I have a scarf with the classic tartan pattern but that's the closest I get to flannel. How is this even possible? I live in the Pacific Northwest! (Portlandia, or nearly so, no less.) I drink beer! I'm definitely not in step with local customs. Could this, in fact, be illegal?

Maybe I never saw flannel as fitting into an office wardrobe but I moved my office into my house years ago so I can wear whatever I want. Maybe I didn't see it as very nice "date wear." Hello? PNW!

I did buy some hiking boots recently so that's a step in the right direction. But they're actual hiking boots, not the boots that are intended to be fashionable with skinny jeans while appearing hiking-boot-like. So now I need flannel and boots.

How is there not a Flannel and Boots store on every block, sandwiched in between the coffee shops and microbreweries? How is it that breweries don't sell flannel? At least, they don't bar non-flannel wearing customers.

Surely, people have noticed and I'm embarrassed in the same way that everything is fine until someone points out, after the party, that your fly was down the whole time. Why didn't someone say something sooner?

As soon as the weather is dry enough to bike, I'll pedal to the nearest organic flannel and vegan boot store in Portland. That should set things right.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Remember this?

I was recently at a garage sale where I discovered, hidden behind a door, a red suit with white trim. Oh, yes, you know of what I speak. All I need is a dog named Max and a sleigh and I will be in business. I can't believe my good fortune!


Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Effective yesterday ...

... well, nothing.

Yesterday was the deadline requiring travelers to have a driver's license that complies with the REAL ID Act in order to board commercial flights.

The REAL ID Act was passed in 2005 and was intended to set minimum security standards for license issuance. The purposes covered by the Act are: accessing Federal facilities, entering nuclear power plants, and, no sooner than 2016, boarding federally regulated commercial aircraft.

Starting January 22, 2018, travelers who did not have a license from a compliant state or a state that has been granted an extension would be asked to provide alternate identification. If the travelers could not provide an acceptable form of identification, they would not be permitted through the security checkpoint. Even still, enforcement doesn't start until:
Clear as mud, right?

This map will help.

Monday, January 22, 2018

What Happens at the IRS During a Government Shutdown?

This document tells you, exactly.

  • No one will be there to process a refund or an amended return.
  • The Small Business/Self-Employed Program Office will retain 3,000 employees for collections and examinations.
  • There will be no one in the Whistleblower Department.
  • The IRS will retain one guy in the Identity & Records Protection job.
  • Three people will be retained in the Office of Professional Responsibility.
  • No one will be retained for Competency & Standards in the Return Preparer Office.

But, your taxes are still due.