I'm really busy at work. People are anxious to get their tax returns done so everyone's coming in early this year. As a result, I plan to do a lot less commuting between my two offices and am spending a lot more time in our home office.

One upside to less travel is I'm in one place long enough to cook. Last night I made this:

Photo: Francesco Tonelli; Styling: Tiziana Agnello

It was pretty easy, not expensive, and very delicious. The recipe is from March 2013 edition of Cooking Light and can be found here.

Tradeoffs

I was just at the grocery store picking up, among other things, frozen peas. Maybe it's been a while since I've been down the freezer aisle - or maybe I just never noticed before - but the frozen vegetable section is really small relative to the rest of the frozen goodies. I found it a little depressing.

Maybe that's because vegetables have their own dedicated section elsewhere in the store. Maybe it's because fresh fruits and vegetables are readily available (is that even true?) or the demand for the frozen variety is much lower than for fresh or canned.

Or, maybe the demand for TV dinners and  potatoes processed in every conceivable manner and shape imaginable commands more freezer space than frozen peas or corn.

I don't know. I did find more frozen vegetables in a section of the frozen aisle labeled "Natural" which I found a little ironic.

All I know is this: by contemplating the popularity of frozen vegetables I have effectively avoided doing my ironing. I figure that's a win.

BTW

As a follow up to yesterday's story about a winery that plans to age four-year-old wine for three months at the bottom of the ocean, I thought I would mention that Mira Winery sells this wine for $48 on their own website.

The same website describes this 2009 Cabernet Sauvignon as 60% new for 18 months.

Clearly, I don't understand a thing about wine making because they expect this wine to be worth $130-$150 four months from now, according to ABC News.

Ever Feel Like Dropping a Bottle Into the Ocean?

California Winery Ages Wine in Ocean

To be clear, the wine is already four years old and will rest at the bottom of the ocean for a mere three months. It's already aged. But, hey, they expect the wine to sell at $130-$150 per bottle and they're dropping four cases. That's $6,240-$7,200.

I wonder, does the ocean charge rent? Because I can think of a lot of huge business opportunity in the storage industry.

I have a boat. Anyone want to store something on the bottom of Lake Washington? I wonder if I can put a wine cellar down there....

Snively

Farmer's Fight With Monsanto Reaches The Supreme Court

Bowman is wearing a Monsanto hat. It's probably an ironic gesture, but in fact, he's been a pleased and loyal customer of the company's seeds. He thinks the genes that Monsanto inserted into soybeans are just great. They let soybeans survive the country's most popular weedkiller: glyphosate, also known as Roundup. He can spray that one chemical to get rid of the weeds without harming his crop.

This is an interesting topic and one that's worth discussing but I'm not going to do that here. I got distracted by the name of Monsanto's general counsel. It's David Snively.

Doesn't Snively sound like a great villain name? Especially one that represents big corporate interests? It reminds me of the character Snidely Whiplash on the Dudley Do-Right show.

So I typed "Snively" into my search engine and got this.

What I love is that there's a striking resemblance to the actual dude:

Good luck, Farmer Bowman. Looks like you're going to need it.

Breaking News

VANCOUVER, WA - Violence erupted in Apartment C between rival gangs over territory that was previously understood as belonging to the Dust Bunnies by "gentleman's agreement." Under The Bed has long been controlled by the Dust Bunnies much to the consternation of the other inhabitants of Apartment C but relative peace has historically been maintained by a loosely derived general consensus. By local tradition, Dust Bunnies have maintained control of Under The Bed and other outposts collectively known as Nooks and Crannies (which includes territories such as Corners and Chair Legs.)

A rival gang of Sink Bugs has been also occupying Apartment C but terrorized the citizenry by lurking in Ceiling Territory. While the citizens have generally been more fearful of the Stink Bugs, there has been very little contact between the two gangs, each seemingly satisfied with a certain amount of control and autonomy in the division of space.

A recent sweep by authorities of Under The Bed found the carcass of one member of the Stink Bugs ensnared in the strangling grip of Dust Bunnies. A roundup was made of all participants on the scene and an investigation continues. After the sweep, authorities are finding it difficult to find witnesses willing to come forward with a statement.

Authorities also found the body of another Stink Bug at the threshold of Door. Although it has not been determined this is a related incident, foul play is suspected.

When I'm supposed to be goofing off, I work.

When I'm supposed to be working I goof off.

If I could figure out when I'm supposed to be doing what, I'd be in good shape.

(Back on the mainland. Back to work.)

I've recently learned that Häagen-Dazs Java Chip ice cream is a good substitute for Baskin-Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip when the latter is not readily available.

It also solves the problem of what to eat next since it's coffee, ice cream, and chocolate combined.

What could be better?

Stairs

But Wait! There's More!

Raise your hand* if you sleep with extra pillows in your bed, shoved under the covers to prop up body parts that no longer function properly. For example, do you put a pillow between your knees when you sleep? Do you find that you wake up only to find those pesky pillow(s) at the foot of your bed crowding your slumber? There must be a better way!

Now, there is (!) with the exclusive patent-pending Lynn C Dot designer padded jammies. These pajamas are made to order to your precise specifications. They are available in a variety of fabrics and patterns, and styles.

The secret is in the inflatable pillows sewn into your jammies to support your body in style and comfort. They automatically inflate with accelerometer technology so your jammies adjust to you as you shift in bed.

(They can even be adopted for adult situations!)

But wait! There's more! If you order within the next fifteen minutes, you'll also get your choice of Lynn C Dot patent-pending knee rings or shoulder rings - ABSOLUTELY FREE!

Remember water wings? Now there are knee and shoulder rings. Perfect for travel and for people who prefer to sleep in the nude. Just slip on a ring and slide between the sheets in perfect comfort. What could be better?

What's better is the price. For only three payments of $29.99 you get custom, one-of-a-kind, tailor made, accelerometer enabled pajamas with a convenient matching drawstring carrying case, plus not one but two rings of your choice (either knee or shoulder) also with travel case.

Supplies are very limited. So hurry to your phone and order now! Operators are standing by to take your order!

*Do not raise your hand without checking with your physician. Persons with shoulder pain should avoid raising their hand unnecessarily. This website does not accept responsibility for injuries associated with hand raising or any movements associated with any physically registered affirmative responses. Use of the exclusive patent-pending Lynn C Dot designer padded jammies and/or knee or shoulder rings may cause shortness of breath, blindness, anal discharge, balding, and/or death. Please consult your physician and/or attorney before using any products or advice featured on this website.

Two Amazing Discoveries

Anti-slamming cabinets and 3D TV.

I have to say that of the two, I can do without 3D TV. It never occurred to me that this could be a useful invention. Ever. But, quite by chance, I think I saw one. Not saw, watched. I've seen them displayed at Costco, for example, but never thought to take the time to actually watch one.

To be honest, I don't know if what I was watching was 3D TV or not. What I do know is: it was a Samsung, I didn't have to wear glasses, and the images were startlingly clear.

And I mean startlingly.

Imagine if a Bruce Willis movie was shot to look like a soap opera: harsh lighting, hollow sound, corny background music, actors that look their ages. For me, it was far too much information. The magic of TV was gone and every show became more real in the worst way. Good television, if there is such a thing, was ruined and bad television was finally in good company.

Far better an invention are un-slammable kitchen cabinets. This has immense practicality in small living spaces in densely populated areas such as apartment buildings with thin walls in which all the tenants are in bad marriages. The hinges look like regular cabinet hinges but they brake the momentum of a fast-closing door and then finish closing at a whisper. I tried them all in the condo where I'm currently staying and I couldn't slam any of them. Not that I'm a cabinet slammer by habit but I thought this was at least as entertaining as 3D TV.

I don't know how the drawers work but you can't slam them either. They close like the power trunk lid of a Lincoln Continental. Easily ammused? Perhaps.

I have a friend who travels a lot and wishes someone could invent anti-slamming hotel doors as it appears by some force of nature a neighbor's hotel room door cannot be closed without slamming and generally while you are in the dead of sleep. Here you go, my friend, I have found the answer. Sell it to Marriott and you shall be a rich man.

But forego the 3D TV.

HI

Live image here.

Which One Were You?

The iron was one of the original game tokens introduced by the Parker Brothers in 1935...

BBC News -Monopoly: Cat replaces iron in board game overhaul

So if you’re Ravens wide receiver Anquan Boldin – and if you are, congratulations—of the $6,000,000 in salary you will earn in 2013, you must allocate $180,00 ($6,000,000 *6/200) to Louisiana, where it will be subject to a maximum tax rate of 6%.

Forbes: Congratulations To The Baltimore Ravens! Now Pay Your Louisiana Tax Bill

Figures

(Reuters) - As many as 60 students have been forced to withdraw from Harvard University after cheating on a final exam last year in what has become the largest academic scandal to hit the Ivy League school in recent memory.

The class was Introduction to Congress.

Woulda Shoulda Coulda

I should have called my story about that darned argyle sock Dirty Laundry.

Here we go.....

IRS Plans Jan. 30 Tax Season Opening For 1040 Filers

And Now For Something A Little Less Serious

She should have known it wouldn't last - an argyle sock and a pair of jeans. She should have known. But she was lonely, hanging on a hook on the back of the bedroom door. She was faded and frayed, relaxed and comfortable. She didn't go out much anymore like the other jeans - dark-denimed and tight to the point of  needing spandex.

She wasn't sure why she was even around and she suspected even that wouldn't last long. But being the old timer allowed her to see what was going on in the wardrobe. Or, so she thought.

The argyle had been flirting with her from the laundry basket and at first she wondered if the sock's attention was directed at some other garment except she was the only one on the hook. She couldn't understand what he saw in her and she assumed he was either mistaken or confused. The other jeans were clearly more desirable or, at any rate, they were treated with special care. They never went through the dyer. No, they were always hung to dry, along with the delicate and lacy lingerie and the soft and fragile sweaters. So what did the argyle see in her?

It was sheet-changing day and a load was put together of the dirty linens, along with the other whites to fill out the load: undershirts, athletic socks, wash cloths. For some unknown reason she was tossed into the basket as well.

He was there in the basket. She didn't see him do it; she didn't know how he got there.

Her mind whirled, wondering why she was included in the load of whites. It clearly indicated a special need but what could that be? Was she going out? Surely, there were better jeans for that purpose. More likely, it was her final wash before being donated somewhere. She had seen that happen before, clothes washed and then disposed of, the only ceremony of disposal being this, the final wash. There could be no other reason that she could imagine. There wasn't much time left.

She was shy around him in the basket. What could she possibly say to him? He was so dark, lined with distinction. Oh, if her parents could only see her. Her mother, no doubt, would tell her that he was bad news, that he could be nothing but conceited because he was different than all the other dress socks. But just wait, she could hear her say, They all look the same when a toe is poking out. 

Her father would warn her not to trust him. Socks could never be trusted- a sock will always use you, tell you what you want to hear and then dump you.

Still, she remembers finding "The Joy of Socks" when she snooped in their bedroom. She didn't know what to believe.

And yet she couldn't keep from being excited from his attentions. He was alluring, charismatic, mysterious. Maybe, even, a little dangerous.

They were loaded into the washer, nestled among the sheets and towels. He was hidden from view but she knew he was there. She could smell his musky odor. The lid closed and water poured in and suddenly they were weightless. They began to swirl and dance, all together, and her legs stretched and twisted as he floated by, teasing her. He would run along the length of her and then disappear behind a pillowcase only to reappear somewhere else. He whispered sweet nothings as he caressed her and she wished the wash cycle would never end.

Too soon, the drum stopped its rhythmic swirl and the water receded. Gravity returned with her on one side of the drum, heavy and wet, and he high on the other. The drum began to spin and they were powerless to move. She tried to keep her senses but the drum kept spinning faster and faster until she hardly knew where she was.

Suddenly, the drum stopped and she struggled to find her equilibrium. Clothes were being moved to the dryer as she tried to focus. She saw the sheets being unwound from themselves and towels being pulled out. And just before she was being untangled from her own self she caught sight of him, high in the drum pressed flat, dark on the dark porcelain behind the shadow of the washer lid.

He didn't make a sound. Nor did she. At first, she remembered the tales of all the socks who had sneaked out of the laundry in a manner such as this but he had sneaked in. To be with her. Surely, they would be reunited in the dryer.

She fell heavily into the dryer and waited. More towels and undershirts followed but there was no sign of her argyle. There was no activity for a long moment and the only sound that could be heard was a swirling, scraping sound inside the washer drum.

"There you are," said the laundress as she slung the sock into the dryer.

She thought he looked sheepish but they were suddenly in motion again and she wasn't sure. Again, they danced. It became more erotic as she lost her water weight and the static began to build. She could only hope the static would bind them together, long enough - for what, she didn't know. Long enough to exchange lint, perhaps?

Again, it ended all too soon. Again, they were untangled from themselves and one another and placed into the laundry basket.

And, again, the sock was nowhere to be found. He was hiding behind the lip of the dryer's opening, pressed low against the drum.

The laundress closed the dryer door and started to leave the laundromat with her load.

She wanted to cry out. To her sock, to the laundress, to anyone who could hear her when suddenly they went back. The laundress set down the basket, opened the dryer door and, once again, ran her hand around the drum and stopped when she found the sock.

"Rascal," she said. She tucked him deep into the basket so he couldn't get out.

They didn't speak about it in the laundry basket on the way home. She was embarrassed, sure the rest of the laundry knew she had been a fool, a patsy for his escape. Her shame was complete as she imagined what her parents would say.

At home she was hung by a belt loop on the back of the bedroom door once again. From there she could see her argyle being tossed into the sock drawer, alone. She could also see his mate in the hamper, waiting his turn for the wash, oblivious to the sock's philandering and attempted escape. If I'm a fool, she thought, at least I'm not alone.

She felt as used as she was worn, hanging on her hook, still not knowing why she was sent through the wash with the whites in the first place.

Darn him, that argyle sock.

View from my bedroom window

This was the site of the original Burgerville. It's a little noisy around here.

Today's Rant

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - In a surprising blow to the U.S. Internal Revenue Service, a federal judge on Friday barred the agency from regulating thousands of non-professional tax return preparers, throwing into doubt a multimillion-dollar enforcement program already underway.

MSN Money

This was a program initiated by the IRS to catch some bad apples. Apparently, there were some unscrupulous tax preparers who took advantage of the sensitive information they were entrusted with.

[Former IRS Commissioner] Shulman in 2009 called for an IRS effort to root out tax preparation fraud. The IRS Return Preparer Initiative began in 2011. It requires tax preparers to register with the IRS. It also requires preparers, especially those without other professional credentials, to pass competency tests and take classes to maintain their IRS registration. 

ibid

So we all had to shell out $65 apiece to register as tax preparers. Anyone who prepared a tax return had to pay. Before this law, tax preparers already were required to identify themselves by signing the tax return and providing an identifying number (either a social security number or an ID assigned by the IRS).

Apparently, that wasn't enough and I can see why the IRS wanted more control. There are a lot of tax preparers who aren't CPAs and, therefore, aren't bound by a code of ethics, held to the same level of responsibility (or liability), aren't required to pass competency exams, or complete any continuing education. Also, there is no oversight of tax preparers at the state level except in a handful of states.

To be clear, we're talking about non-professional tax preparers. These are people who do not already have industry designations such as CPAs, or Enrolled Agents. These were your mom-and-pop outfits.

In our office, the new registration rules changed exactly nothing as everyone was exempted by the fact that we are already CPAs, directly supervised by one, or didn't prepare tax returns. All the CPAs in our office were already required to pass competency exams and were required to take continuing education. They rest of us volunteered for continuing education or were otherwise instructed by our employer to go.

But now it's been ruled that the IRS did not have the authority to regulate (non-professional) tax preparers, the argument being that their mandate only allows them to regulate those who represent taxpayers before the IRS which is not the same thing.

With this reversal, the press is publishing opinions such as this which makes it seem that the industry on the whole was untrustworthy:

“Taxpayers are going to go into filing season without preparers who are prepared,” Olson said in an interview yesterday.  

Bloomberg

Have you seen the tax code? Are you telling me that between January 18th and today every tax preparer went on a vacation, drank too much, and completely blocked out everything anyone knew about tax returns? You mean that without this mandate, we would not have followed the news about the fiscal cliff and the resulting tax legislation like everyone else in the nation? That everything we needed to know to prepare your tax return, we would have learned in the last week and a half?

This gets me because we spend a heck of a lot of time getting prepared. We spent a lot of time doing it before this regulation and will continue to do so without it.

But this was my favorite quote:

The IRS rules were criticized by some because of the new fees they slapped on practitioners, but broadly supported as a way to regulate a free-wheeling industry and fight tax refund fraud.

MSN Money

Let's play a quick game of word association. I'll say a word and you say the first word that comes into you head.

My word: Accountant

Your word: Free-wheeling? Really? Have you ever met me?

To be honest, I never really cared about the regulation. It was a nuisance but so what? What bothers me is the IRS sold my e-mail address to every fly-by-night tax prep school that hoped to cash in on the new education requirements.

I had to get a new spam filter.

Really.

I'm sorry about the people who got hurt by unscrupulous preparers. It's not cool - not for the victims and not even for the IRS regardless of how you might feel about them. It and makes the rest of us look bad.

Clearly.