In Today's News

“The truth is out there: World UFO Day
Today is World UFO Day, celebrated each year since 2001 on the anniversary of the crash in 1947 of a supposed flying saucer near Roswell, New Mexico. Back in the days of film cameras, blurry snaps of UFOs were taken by some as evidence that aliens were already among us. In recent years, they seem to be visiting more often; more likely, strange lights in the sky are easier to capture on ubiquitous camera-equipped smartphones. Yet they seem to be choosy about when they come. According to data gathered by the National UFO Reporting Centre, an American non-profit organisation, UFO sightings occur mainly in summertime, in the evening, and especially on Fridays, which suggests aliens may be timing their visits to coincide with alcohol consumption. And those two bright lights close together above the western horizon tonight? Not UFOs, but Jupiter and Venus, which are in conjunction (astronomer-speak for a close encounter) this week.”



(Received via email, the original source is The Economist.)

In other news:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/07/02/jesus_lizard_found_in_wyoming/ - This is really an article about a lizard that walks on water (or used to.) But interesting fact: Wyoming was tropical 85 million years ago!

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2487154,00.asp - someone unplugged the internet!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/11714471/Bubble-Wrap-to-lose-its-pop.html - bubble wrap no more!

http://mentalfloss.com/article/13092/bubble-wrap-was-originally-supposed-be-wallpaper - bubble wrap had first commercial success when used to ship IBM's new 1401 variable word length computer (1959)

http://www.columbia.edu/cu/computinghistory/1401.html - aforementioned computer

Good news day!

Seen on a bumper sticker:

" Alcohol and calculus don't mix. 

Never drink and derive. "

Birds of a Featherstone

Don Featherstone, the creator of the pink lawn flamingo died today.

Things you should know about the pink flamingo:

• They are made in Massachusetts.

• A real plastic pink bird has Don Featherstone's signature molded into the rump of the lawn ornament. (Without the signature, it's a fake fake bird.)

• The ubiquitous symbol of bad taste inspired the John Water's film, Pink Flamingos.

It has been suggested that "Everyone please stand in your yard on one leg for a moment of silence.”

Improbable Research | Sad news: Don Featherstone, creator of the plastic pink flamingo, died today

Today's News

I was assaulted by a homeless woman this morning. I feel bad for the woman. She looked like she's had a rough go of things. 

I inadvertently woke her up from her park bench slumber this morning around 6:45. That would be enough to make me grouchy, too, I suppose. (Especially, if I didn't have access to a cup of coffee.) But I hadn't seen her and either my conversation with Hubby or a morning greeting with another walker disturbed her.

She ranted and raved and generally carried on in a loud and unintelligible manner. At that point, I had no idea she was angry with me in particular, just angry in general. (It's a well used walkway.) But then she started following us.

Eventually, and this is the short version, she came up behind me and before I had time to react she kicked me in the leg just above the ankle. Pretty hard, too.

Nothing's broken that I can tell. Icing it and keeping it elevated. Phoned it in but not pressing charges. I'll get better. Not so sure about this homeless woman.

Rough start to the day but it was a good excuse to stay home from work.

It's a good excuse to stay in bed tomorrow morning, too, I think.

True Story

I know a guy who is in a lawsuit over a fence. This guy hired a contractor to install a fence but the contractor installed it incorrectly. As in, on someone else's property.

Guy asked Contractor to fix it. Contractor declined and sued for full payment. Guy declined.

Ergo, lawsuit.

Guy hires attorney to defend the suit. Attorney charges more than the suit in question. Guy fires attorney.

Guy needs a new (de)fence attorney.

(Couldn't help myself. But, true story.)

Sound Like A Nice Guy

" University of Cincinnati President Santa Ono has rejected his annual bonus, asking for the money to instead be donated to charities and scholarships, WCPO reported. Ono has also turned down a raise in his base salary. "

Huffington Post | College President Turns Down $200,000 Bonus, Gives Money To Charities

Gimme a sec'

A leap second will be added to the last day of June. This happens whenever the earth's rotation is out of sync with Coordinated Universal Time (UTC). (UTC, btw, is defined by a recommendation from the International Telecommunications Union, among other things, which is an agency of the UN responsbile for information and communication technologies.)

" The extra second will be added as the clock strikes midnight universal time, meaning the extra second will come for people in the United States at 8 p.m. EDT. "

The extra second will come for me at 5pm. Which means an extra second in my work day. Which seems entirely unreasonable.

" When the time comes, clocks synchronized to standard civil time will show the extra second as :60, however it's possible that programs not equipped to handle the extra second could have an issue.

" Amazon Web Services said last month it plans to "implement alternative solutions to avoid the ':60' leap second. This means that AWS clocks will be slightly different from the standard civil time for a short period of time." " 

abc News | Leap Second: Why Tuesday Will Be 1 Second Longer and Could Screw Up Your Computer

Last month? The last one was June 30, 2012 so I can see how AWS might be caught off guard.

But there's a solution. The International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (IERS) is responsible for inserting the leap second into Coordinated Universal Time. they put out a bulletin every six months, either to announce a leap second or to confirm there will be no leap second at the next possible date. (You can sign up here or here.)

Next time, you'll be prepared and will know what to do with all that extra time.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: If the extra second occurs on December 31st, do you get two kisses at midnights? If that ever happens, I'll let you know. In the meantime, I signed up for the bulletin and will plan to be west of here for the next leap second. Preferably, getting an extra second on a beach somewhere. You'll be the first to know if there's an extra second coming your way. I'll make a note give AWS a heads up as well.]

Tree of Life

Tree of Life

If you're a regular blood donor in the Puget Sound region, you may already know what this is. It's mounted on the wall of Bloodworks Northwest donor centers and each leaf has the name of a person who has made a certain number of donations.

I just earned a leaf for 50 donations.

Usually, you have to have 100 donations to earn a leaf on the tree but I recently changed my mailing address to a location where the minimum milestone is lower. I'm glad to have earned it but I'm looking forward to hitting 100.

My current total is 62 although I'm afraid they count attempts to donate equally with actual donations and the last three times I attempted to donate I was deferred for low iron. (Go figure.)

Low iron isn't especially unusual for women and my hematocrit levels (percentage of red blood cells in the blood) are borderline normal ( which is 36-45% for women). My last three visits, I've tested in the 32-36% range while 38% is the minimum for giving blood.

The blood center advises that frequent donation can sometimes lead to iron deficiency which is defined as two or more times per year for women. I try to donate around 12 times per year.

I also learned that women don't have enough iron stored in their bodies to replace the red blood cells lost from even a single donation. Therefore, our bodies need to use the iron from food to make new red blood cells. 200-250 mg of iron is lost during donation but absorption from food is generally limited to 2-4mg/day. So, it can take a while.

Perhaps I've been lucky because I can usually go back within a few weeks (for platelet donation which has the same minimum hematocrit criterion).

So, steak it is! I've started taking an iron supplement and eating iron-rich snacks to supplement my mostly vegetarian diet (aforementioned steak notwithstanding). Plus, I need to try some of these iron-rich recipes. And, I need to be patient.

(I wonder if there's iron in potato chips.)

Not to worry. I feel fine and I'll keep going back. I'll eat whatever I need to eat/do to get my iron levels back up and I'll keep testing my hematocrit to make sure everything is a-okay.

Because I want a leaf that has "100" on it.

Death of a Doppelganger

Dick Van Patten

Many people think Hubby looks like this guy (or used to anyway). He's been stopped in the street by strangers asking if he was "that guy. You know, the one on TV. The one from that show."

The show was "Eight is Enough" which aired in the 1970's.

We were in Los Angeles once when a cashier at a drug store became temporarily start struck until she figured out Hubby wasn't who she thought he was.

I don't exactly see it but a lot of other people do. It's amazing to me how often this has come up. It's funny, though, that people could rarely remember this guy's name in that instant. But we knew who they were talking about. We would shake our heads as soon as they got out, "Hey, are you . . . ?"

I don't know which one looked like whom but one of them is gone. (Hint, it isn't Hubby.)

DVP passed away June 23, 2015.

Breaking Updates

Two things: I saw a skipper and no more hot flashes. (These items are not related.)

I went out for a walk the other day down by the river where there's a busy walking trail and I saw a young man who was getting ready to do the same. Only he skipped (as in, to my lou) rather than walked. Granted, he was only warming up before starting his run but I think it's catching on.

In unrelated news, I stopped taking a prescription drug that was prescribed to alleviate acid reflux. (I did it without a doctor's note so don't tell anyone.) I substituted two cups of ginger tea for the drug. Sometimes, I have mint tea. (I had a mint medley tea at Lapellah over the weekend that was out of this world.) The tea seems to be working and quells at least 90% of my symptoms which is good enough for me.

As a result (or coincidentally), my hot flashes stopped. Entirely. Didn't expect that at all but I am much relieved!

Newcomer Special!

If you're a new reader in the next 15 seconds, you will be registered for a most amazing prize!

Oh, darn. You just missed it. But I'm glad you stopped by anyway, joc.

:-)

Upskirt

AP photo from Sioux City Journal dot Com.

Droned

I forgot to mention we got droned. Weirdest thing. 

We were part of a group to organize and host a party for about 200 people which involved, among other things, chartering an iconic and historic steamship for a two-hour cruise.

The party went off without a hitch. Everyone enjoyed the cruise and the ship garnered much attention as we steamed about the lake. Most of it was flattering while attention of another sort was beyond creepy. 

As we docked at our home port a drone flew over our bow and the passengers who were gathered there. At first it was a curious oddity but we had no idea whose drone it was. If it belonged to one of our group, I could see how we might have captured some fun images but as far as I know it didn't belong to one of us. 

Soon, I could hear people murmuring in what manner they would like to disable the drone and they quickly turned their backs to it.

It's owner must have registered our displeasure because it soon flew off but the experience was unnerving. But, hey, I guess we should just get used to it. That same weekend a new drone shop opened up just down the street. 

Maybe hiding under the bed is a good idea. 

Screw It

The Allegro Handbell Choir is on tour with their opening concert in Callander, Scotland. But check out this picture. They might want to consider getting a new photographer for the rest of the tour.

John Waters Commencement - RISD 2015

 h/t Ron's Log

You Don't Say

I recently decided to read the materials that get included with a prescription refill and learned the drug I was taking should only be taken for a short while. 90 days max.

I've been taking it for years.

When I need more, I just log on to my healthcare website and order some. When I've run through a 90 day supply, the system automatically resets so I can order more without a doctor visit.

God Bless America.

The medicine is available at Costco without a prescriptions so I never thought anything of it. But now I do.

The drug doesn't cost much (less than $10 per refill) and I'm not taking it for a serious condition. But that's not the point. It irks me. That my doctor would allow this to go on for as long as it has. That I didn't take note of it earlier. That the system feels rigged.

This is just for some minor, overprescribed drug. Or so I thought. It falls under the category of Number 3 of the most prescribed medications in America.

Time to do something different.

A Game to Watch

Yahoo’s NFL Deal Will Put Online TV to the Test

" WHEN THE BUFFALO Bills play the Jacksonville Jaguars in London this October, there will be a lot more than either team’s bragging rights riding on the game. The matchup—and how the public receives it—also stands to have a massive influence on the future of television as we know it. "

An Aside

Google Maps places our Portland-area condo address about a block away from where we really are. It would confuse the pizza delivery guy except that our street is a loop so once he passes up the incorrect location, it's only a matter of two left turns around the loop before he finds our address.

But Apple Maps gets it right. So there you go.

In completely unrelated news, two guys that only the most serious devotees of this site would know just got their 30-day chips. C got his May 25 and M got his today. They are working their programs. It's not the first time for them to be sober. It's not the first time they've been sober this long. But it's definitely the first time they've worked this particular program. So, here's hoping.

In Passing

As my family gathered for the Memorial Day weekend, we made a total of 24 visits to five airports over five days. How many jobs did that support? I wonder.

It's famous carpet aside, PDX (Portland, OR) is my favorite airport.

In fact,

" Travelers named Portland International Airport (PDX) the best airport in the United States in Travel + Leisure surveys in 2013 and 2014* and four times from 2006 to 2010 in the Condé Nast Traveler Business Travel Awards. "

Travel Portland 

It's not as though I'm a world traveler although I've had my share of traveling the world. I've been through many an airport and, without equivocation, an airport - or any public place, for that matter - can be judged by its bathrooms.

Chicago, for example, has been on the forefront of hygiene safety since 2000 with automatic toilet seat covers. How space age is that? Seriously, why has this not caught on?? (Maybe, because they're pointless.)

I used to live there, Chicago. (Well, nearby.) But that was thirty-odd years ago and I've forgotten how big it is. In fact, the last time I was there, we taxied nearly into Indiana before we actually took off.

The Vegas airport isn't big at all but they're also big into taxiing for miles for some reason. I think they just want all the tourists to see the strip before deplaning. It's that, or they want you to think it's a really big airport. Might as well taxi about for as long as possible because a) that's the last time you'll be allowed to look out a window, and b) that's the longest you'll be able to hold onto your cash.

But Portland is my favorite. It has really great restaurants and very nice shops (worthy of a trip even if you're not going anywhere). And the restrooms are clean and well laid out. The stalls are big enough to drag your luggage into without having to brush up against the (non-automatic) toilet bowl. There are enough sinks and driers so that you don't have to stand in line. And, there are coat hooks as if you could expect your coat to still be there if you were to separate from it long enough to wash your hands. (Really, why don't more public restrooms have coat hooks?)

Listen, there are a lot of reasons to visit Portland (most of them weird). If you're traveling by air, make sure to get to the airport early - not because of long lines but because you'll want to shop, taking in some live music, have a meal, and linger just a little longer. And because you'll probably have to use the bathroom before you take off.




*Don't click on the "2014" link unless you want to be tempted by some very expensive travel ideas, btw. But if you do, let me know how the restrooms are.

Rotten Tomatoes?

9 Must-Eat Summer Movies, is presented by Eat24 which is a dinner deliver/take out app. I've only used the app once but now that I'm signed up, I get weekly emails from them which usually include a coupon or discount for my next order.

Even though I've never used the service more than once, I continue to get the emails because the fine print at the bottom is worth a folder full of junk mail! This is the last email I received:

It's the weekend. You're hungry. You're craving something fried and potatoey. You make your way over to the fridge and open the door to find a mustard packet, baking soda, and something that expired in 2007. What do you do next?

• To order delivery, download our Choose Your Own Dinner app.
• To save some dough* on your order, use the coupon below.
• To make something with the ingredients in your fridge, scroll down to these: **.
• To tell us an even better choice, email us at media@eat24.com.

The fine print:

*You're probably feeling pretty good right about now, huh? After all, you dodged hunger and lived to eat another crab rangoon. Well done. What's your next move? Do you start reading our Summer Movie Guide full of ice cream sundae heroes, romantic leads played by turkey hoagies, and crazed pickles just begging to be tamed, or do you read this boring Fine Print the lawyers made us put here: This $2 coupon expires on Sunday, May 31st at 11:59PM PDT. You must be an Eat24 member to enjoy our code, which can only be used once on orders of $10 or more when paying with Credit Card, Google Wallet or PayPal. Hopefully you chose wisely and aren't reading this anymore. Because this is The End.

**You decide to give it a go and make something with the ingredients found in the fridge. You sprinkle baking soda on the mustard and are about to open the expired thing when you realize, this is not a hot, delicious pepperoni pizza. Recognizing your mistake, you go back to the top of this email and try again.

Their blog is pretty funny, too. It's written like they don't believe anybody really reads it.

Maybe I'm the only one who does.

What's wrong with this picture?

I happened into a Starbucks today (imagine that) and saw this Flourless Chewy Chocolate Cookie in their case. Scanning the little signs that contain nutritional information that are placed in front of all their foods, it appeared this choice offered the fewest calories of everything in there. At 170 calories, could this be good for you?

This cookie has fewer calories than their Hearty Blueberry Whole Grain Oatmeal (220 calories) their Michigan Cherry Oat Bar (240 calories), their Wheat Spinach Savory Foldover (250 calories), and their Chicken & Hummus Bistro Box (270 calories).

It has far fewer calories than their healthy sounding Edamame Hummus Wrap (490 calories) and smokes the Double-Smoked Bacon, Cheddar & Egg Sandwich (540 calories) which offers the most calories on their food menu.

The only items on their food menu that have few calories are any items that are roughly the size of a silver dollar (Petite Vanilla Bean Scone at 120 calories or the Chocolate Cake Pop at 140) or their Classic Whole-Grain Oatmeal (160 calories before adding the brown sugar, dried fruit, and nut medley toppings which could add up to 250 additional calories ).

This makes me feel a whole lot better about my 130 calorie Double Tall Soy Latte habit. Just saying.

Good for you might be a stretch but it has 2g of fiber, 2g protein, and 15% of your recommended daily allowance of iron. (I'm definitely going to eat one of these babies before my next blood donation!) And, chocolate which, as you know, is definitely good for you.

So let this be a lesson to you: Things are not always as they appear. And, when in doubt, eat cookies for breakfast. (I guess that's two lessons but what the heck. The second one is one the house.)

(More information here.)

CVG

This Side To Curb

Curb is on the left.

"Vancouver's effective and efficient wastewater collection system . . . "
City of Vancouver

As long as it still works, I guess it doesn't really matter. But this installation looks like it might actually funnel the water away from the drain rather than into it.

Woo hoo! An extra long tax season for 2016!

April 15, 2016 is on a Friday but because Emancipation Day, observed in Washington DC is that day, most people* will have until the following Monday (4/18/16) to file their tax returns. (Yippee! Another weekend wasted by work! Go ahead and buy Starbucks shares now!)

But it gets better! Folks in Maine and Massachusetts will have until April 19th to file their tax returns so they can observe Patriot's Day on Monday, April 18th. (I know we're talking about different Patriot's here, but I heard Roger Goodell was suspending that holiday.)

I can't wait!

*I don't know who "most people" are.

Hmm

I have almost as many fans in South Korea as in the United States.

What's that about?

What do May flowers bring?

Tax returns.

No kidding. People who couldn't get their tax returns done in April (for any variety of reasons) want them done in May.

Where did May go, by the way? It's nearly June already.

I have a bunch of tax returns crowding my calendar - I haven't counted how many - that are leftover from April's rush. Somehow, they're not getting done and I'm not sure why. Part of the reason is I don't want to do them. Not at the same pace as April, anyway.

Another reason is May has simply gotten away from me. Don't ask me how. It was April a moment ago and now it's nearly June (as I previously mentioned).

A good number of them need to be done - or at least looked at - by June 15th when estimated tax payments are due. I have very good intentions of getting to that. Really, I do. Besides, Howard Schultz has been calling me ever since April 15th, wondering where I've been. I guess it's time to reload my Starbucks card and get serious about getting some work done.

But that sounds a lot like work.

I've never been good at gardening.

We have a nice window box in the kitchen where we decided we would try to grow some small, edible plants: tomatoes, spinach, cilantro, basil, some sort of lettuce, and something I can't identify yet. (We threw away the instructions as soon as they were planted and we can't remember what, exactly, was planted.)

The tomato plants are growing like mad and are huge water hogs. Since we are growing them indoors we don't, as of yet, have any kind of cages for them. (Chickens are cage free. Why not tomatoes?) But they got droopy so in order to prop them up a little I stuck some forks in the dirt and leaned their tender stalks upon the tines.

The lettuce has totally freaked out and may require psychiatric help and the spinach, I swear, is un-growing back into the dirt.

G

Shocked

Makes me wonder what the unsafe methods of removing static electricity are. Setting fire to your skirt?

And then . . .

. . . on Sunday, we pedaled into town on folding bikes only acquired the day before. To celebrate the brilliant weather as well as our new ride, we rode to dinner at a favorite Italian restaurant.

As we arrived at the restaurant, we could hear a loud, rhythmic beat as if the tavern down the street had all their windows open. After dinner, the beat was louder and it sounded exactly like the kind of thing we needed to check out.

We only had to travel a couple blocks to see it wasn't the tavern at all. It was the Full Moon Community Drum Circle hosted by the restaurant Mint Tea.

What else would it be?

Professional street performer.

Every seat on the patio was occupied by someone beating whatever percussion instrument they had brought along or borrowed. People of any (or no) ability were encourage to join in the drumming, dancing, or flame throwing in the streets. (What??)

Do not attempt at home.

And to think we almost missed it! Before we got to La Bottega, we had seriously considered watching the belly dancers at the Greek restaurant A Touch of Athens at Hidden House.

Well, if you need to know when the next full moon is, you can check the Community Drum Circle web page and plan your next bike ride accordingly.

I think I'll get the bell installed on my handlebars before the next one.

And on it goes.

Last Friday, while we were watching the sailboat races, a man wearing a bright green body stocking ran by. While we were contemplating this bizarre scene, Santa Claus trotted by. Within minutes, there was a steady stream of superheroes (and one villiain). Later I learned there’s a group called Runs, Grubs, and Chugs that organizes such events which generally end in drinking beer.

I’m seriously thinking about joining except I’m not sure if this will motivate me to run as much as it might motivate me to drink beer.

May the Fourth be with you.

Purple car!

In an effort to keep us kids quiet in the car, my grandmother suggested we look for purple cars. The trick worked only too well. Forty years later, we're still on the lookout for purple cars.

Hubby spotted this beauty today. He's been marred to a C Dot long enough to know that he had to call out, "Purple car!" or it wouldn't count. (For what, I don't know, but them's the rules.)

Another rule is if you can't follow the first rule, then I have to declare, "Chuck, chuck, bus to London!" which means I win and you don't.

Basically, I can evoke the Bus to London rule whenever I want and I always win.

The Hand Man. No Job Too Small.

Maybe Charlie Brown should start with painting his truck. 

It Just Keeps Getting Better and Better

Brian Kidd is the Unipiper: the unicycling bagpiper - Boing Boing

" Beer plus bagpipes 

The two hobbies came together one fateful evening in 2007, after Kidd and his friends from the aquarium had been drinking. "

You don't say.

His success as the Unipiper has led to his own beer: UnipIPA. (No Kidding.)

Why the NFL just gave up its nonprofit status: to escape scrutiny - Vox

" . . . lawmakers have used the tax-exempt status as a point of leverage in investigating the NFL's mishandling of concussions, among other issues.

Apparently, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and team owners decided the tax-exempt status was no longer worth it. . . . "

" But more important, filing as a taxable, privately held entity will mean that the NFL no longer has to disclose its income — or the oft-criticized salary of its commissioner, Goodell. "

Oh, no!

Pretty stressful when you have to be worrying about ominous clouds all the time. The Fox guys were all excited about naming it something like "Ominous 2015" or "Cloud-ageddon" but they didn't so, you know, it's just Anonymous Ominous. . . .

Speaking of which, if I was running for Student Council in southern California, say, on a platform of providing whole grains in all the drinking fountains, my slogan would be "Farro Faucet."

Get your updates here!

It's updates day in Windows-land which makes for excellent work avoidance but is seriously cutting into my goof off time. 

But I love to vacation there.

I Love Living Here

More Critters At The Airport, As Portland Signs Up Some Goats and Llamas - Jaunted

" For once the terminal’s carpet isn’t in the news, as this time it’s some llamas and goats taking center stage. "

That news made me think of this commercial. If you don't live here, you might not have seen it.



How can you not love that? Entertainment at every turn!

I'm confused. What's this?

Not parade marshal material, imo. 

Really?

Jeb Bush Is Definitely, Grumpily Running ... Away From Calories - The New York Times

" The rigid abstemiousness runs the risk of putting him at a dietary distance from an American electorate that still binges on carbohydrates and, after eight years of a tea-sipping president, craves a relatable eater in chief. "

Wait, where was I?

Free Starbucks for all? Computer glitch hits coffee giant - KOMO News

" At a Starbucks store in Seattle's South Lake Union neighborhood, customers were told staff members couldn't process orders. They were, however, being offered coffee at no charge. " 

Built In Work Avoidance

" Awesome news for bored people everywhere: Solitaire is about to make a huge comeback on Windows 10. "

Solitaire Is Coming Back on Windows 10 | PC Mag

Dancing In The Sun

Deep Fried Spam Masubi

Spam in the center of a sushi-like roll, deep fried, and sliced into sections. Glad I tried it but I might not go out of my way to try it again.

But wait! 

Isles' favorite meats meet in exclusive Spam treat | Honolulu Star Advertiser - TheBuzz

" Please stand by for this rather breathless scoop: Portuguese sausage-flavored Spam has been developed by Hormel Foods Corp., and the company has chosen Hawaii to debut the new flavor.

" "Hawaii is getting it first," Jennifer Nolander, Spam Brand product manager, told TheBuzz. In fact, "right now Hawaii is the only state that we're planning on selling it in," she said. "

Maybe that will make it better.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

I'm still doing tax returns in my sleep which should wear off in a day or two. Meanwhile, sunny and warm.

Hooray Beer!

Skipping because I can.

I used to run. A lot. Now, not so much. As much as I would like it to be a daily habit, I don't even walk every day. Sure, I walk to the coffee pot and back but I'm not sure that counts as exercise. (Maybe I should put it at the top of the stairs.)

Sometimes, I skip.

I don't mean, I skip the exercise altogether. (I often skip the exercise but that's not what I mean here.) I skip, as in "... to My Lou."

Hubby and I will be out walking and I'll just start skipping. He doesn't seem to mind my bizarre behavior. (He's grown accustomed to it, at this point.) Skipping requires a little more physical effort than walking but not as much as running. I figure it uses more muscles, too.

I'm just waiting for it to become "a thing." I especially like to skip in places where people are overly concerned with physical fitness - places with heavily populated walking paths, where people who are already physically fit parade their beautiful, well-tanned bodies in fashionable spandex gear, sporting Fitbits, and iPhones tucked into jog bras. (Don't ask me how the phones don't fall out because I have no idea.) I'm just waiting for someone to think I'm on to the next new fitness fad.

What I need to design, here, is skipping gear. Clothing with slogans like Skip For Joy!, a skipping app, special skipping shoes. Then, it will be a thing all right.

In the meantime, I'll just skip because I can. And, because I'm dying to see if it catches on.

Engine 5

Makawao Fire Station's brand new truck.

National Park Week

 No fee to visit a National Park this weekend.

Haleakalā National Park

Correction

Work in progress. 

Carpet Update

New stuff not yet installed. Will check back in about 10 days. 

Happy Tax Day, said no one ever

Today, I'm doing what I love best: I'm in a coffee shop - this one with with a view of the Columbia River - and writing.  I wish I had more time to do exactly this. But, it's 9:30 in the morning and I already feel my day slipping away. There's much to catch up on after spending the last several weeks doing nothing but tax returns. Like, food. Laundry. Personal grooming.

But it's a beautiful day and although I'm still doing tax returns in my sleep, I'm not going to the office.  Instead, I'm booking appointments for me and my co-workers for the Wash & Brush Up Co.



Speaking of coworkers, they are almost all female and they not only do a great job of making my job easy, they have crappier jobs than I do! The work they do allows me to work from remote locations most of the time and I really appreciate that. There are only a few aspects of my job that require I be in the office and they pick up that slack for me.

While tax season is over for me, it goes on for everyone else in the office, in a manner of speaking. Not only that, their tax season starts long before mine. They file Quarterlies in January (Quarterly Federal Tax Returns - can you imagine? Filing a tax return every quarter?). Then, they file corporate tax returns in March followed by individual tax returns in April.

Even though it's April16th, they are back in the office busily preparing Quarterlies again.  (Already, three months have passed.)

Yesterday, was my Friday (finally) but it was only Thursday for everyone else so no Snoopy Happy Dance just yet.

Hang in there, ladies. You're almost there.

I'll see you in six months and we can do it all again.

I've been saying this all along.

Would You Let the I.R.S. Prepare Your Taxes? - The New York Times

" Today, employers, banks, brokerage firms and pretty much every other financial organization in the country send the federal government detailed records about our economic activity every year. These organizations also send you, the taxpayer, a similar set of documents, which are forms with names like W2 and 1098. After you file your taxes, the government matches its two sets of documents to make sure you have filed correctly. 

To Mr. Bankman, this double documentation doesn’t make much sense. If the government is already collecting financial data from employers and banks, why can’t the I.R.S. use that information to precalculate our tax returns for us? At the very least, why can’t tax software just connect to the government’s database to download all the information that the government has collected, saving us all that record-keeping and data entry? "

I said it once, anyway.

0

I have three left - of the "ones I know about" variety. I have an untold number of extensions to file today. It's a long list - I didn't bother to count.

To help me through my day, someone advised me to try adding grass-fed butter and coconut oil to my coffee. (Look up Bulletproof Coffee.) An interesting idea, I think, since I like butter and I like coffee. I haven't yet tried the nutritionally fashionable coconut oil but I am very intrigued by the idea of it. It's on my list of things to try right after I finish my Costco-sized vat of previously fashionable extra virgin, cold pressed, imported olive oil.

Why not put these fine ingredients into a steaming cup of coffee? I'll tell you why: because that space is already occupied by coffee. I don't make my coffee "with room" (Starbuckspeak for don't fill the cup up all the way because I'm planning to pollute it with cream). If there's room in my cup, it means there isn't enough coffee in it.

There's no cream in my coffee, no mixers in my whiskey, and no flavoring of any kind manufactured into my potato chips. (That's my kind of paleo diet.) The only time there's something other than coffee in my coffee cup is when I'm drinking a latte made with soy milk (made fashionable in the 1990s).

Instead, I am starting April 15th with a nutritious meal of two scrambled egg whites and ham. (For flavor, I added fresh red pepper, an organic Yukon gold potato, substituted bacon for the ham, and aded in two egg yolks, all sautéed in well-intentioned butter.)

I appreciate your suggestion, Leslie, and your thoughtful comments, Beth and Laura. I'm looking forward to the day that Starbucks has this on its menu. Seriously, I would love to give this a try. But it probably won't be on April 15th. I have work to do.

1

Everybody's grumpy:We're grumpy, our families are grumpy, and the clients are grumpy.

2

Generally when I tell someone what I do for a living this time of year, they reply with "I already filed my taxes" - my friend, Steve, notwithstanding.

I think, graciously, to myself, And, what? You want me to give you a medal? Yeah, I 'd have mine done, too, but I'm busy doing these other 200 returns. And, so what? If you did your return yourself, you probably aren't much concerned with bond premium amortization, are you? Have many publicly trade partnerships? Nope, thought not. Well, at least you didn't have to convert currencies or anything like that. How's that social life of yours, by the way?

Equally graciously, I reply, "Good for you."

3

The score as of this morning, Steve, is 17. Most of them are in and just waiting for that one little thing from the client - a check made out to the IRS. Today, I hope to get through the rest of them - the  ones that have come in the last few days so that I can tell them what they owe and that they will be filing an extension. (In reality, someone else gets to deliver the bad news. So, you know, it could actually be worse.)

But these 17 are just the ones I know about. There is a team of women who will pour through the list, and the list of lists, to determine who's missing. Have we overlooked someone? Are there people we need to contact? Will we have everything done by April 15th? Do we have enough coffee and chocolate to get through it all?

I have no doubt the count will go up before it goes down. More than one will come through the doors or call before it's over saying, "It's not too late for you to do my tax return this year, is it?" Adding, "It shouldn't take long. My return is easy this year." (It takes every ounce of diplomatic strength for us not to ask why the hell they didn't just do it themselves if it was so damn easy.)

Last year, we had a client - a new one at that - who came in at 2pm on April 15th with such a request. Needless to say, he isn't my favorite client. (Although, come to think of it, there are several who fall within that category.) I haven't checked the list but I don't think he's been in yet this year. Tick tock, Mr. Client. Let's get it together. You're not a new client anymore so we know your return isn't easy. And let me add this: Don't come empty handed.

By the way, Steve. Congratulations to your wife on assuming the role of Commander of the Seattle Sail and Power Squadron. She'll do a great job and we were glad to have the opportunity to celebrate with her. But knowing that your tax return isn't done, please don't talk to me for the next three days.

4

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5

What else is there to say but MAKE IT STOP!?

6

Got five done yesterday but picked up three new ones so the score is now 31. Time to stop screwing around. It's time to pull out my super secret ninja accountant tax preparer shit.

It's about freaking time! says my boss.

I know, I get stuck in the details. It's hard to just let loose and let fly in this job. Just wing it, as they say. Look at the big picture, and move on (an oft used and very annoying saying. I'm just saying - if I could just move on don't you think I'd freaking do that already?).

Bullshit!
(h/t Kellie)

Now, for those of you, boys and girls, who are interested in becoming an accountant, we have a very simple interview process. While accounting can be a glamorous and exhilarating profession (this is a business where glamorous and exhilarating is bad news), it's also very face paced and technical, the nature of which changes with each Congressional session.

Here are three simple questions we use to determine who's right for the job and who can be easily eliminated:

• What are debits and credits?
• How do you balance a checkbook?
• Do you have high blood pressure?

Can we go home now?

7

. . . and 33 to go.

This morning, in an effort to look more pulled together than I really am, I fashioned my hair into a French Twist. As I own no styling products (I never figured out how to use them to any good effect), I secured my up-do with a million bobby pins. As well as a professional look, it provides the unexpected illusion that I've had a face lift and now I worry that I've wound my hair a little too tightly.

Sometimes these things work out as planned and sometimes they don't. From behind, my hair looks less like the rich swirl of a croissant and more like a plate of spaghetti. Without time to muck around with it, I adopted a "close enough" attitude.

It wasn't until I was ready to leave the house that I put on my glasses and saw the results of my efforts. My hair looked more like a furry hat than smooth sophistication. I made a mental note to invest in some hair spray.

By the time I got to work my hair was already falling in limp tendrils and by noon I expect the whole thing will be undone. My tresses will be kinked with more randomness than can be plausibly explained by, "I slept with it wet."

And even though this exercise was designed to streamline the process of getting ready for work, it still me took thirty minutes to figure out which shoes to wear.

Onward.

8

And 38 to go.

9

I'm confused about what day of the week it is. I know exactly how many days, hours, tax returns, until April 15th but no clue as to whether it's Monday or Tuesday. Not that it matters.

I can tell when it's Saturday or Sunday, though, when I get to the office and the only cars in the lot belong to accountants. I get there and usually park several spaces from a red pickup truck belonging to another accountant in a different office in our building. Long past being embarrassed about fast food diets, we get out of our cars balancing Starbucks coffees with sacks of McDonald's goodness and head to our respective doors while fishing key cards out of our pockets.

We give nods to each other that say, "Hang in there. It's almost over. We can make it - as long as we don't spend too much time thinking. Of family. Of outdoors. Of sleep. Of how much is left to do.  God speed, my friend. And, good luck."

We've never spoken to each other. I don't even know his name. But from his ball cap, the tired glaze in his eyes, the wrinkled clothes, and bedroom slippers, I know exactly his struggles. The need to push forward. Finish. Keep going.

I still have 43 tax returns to go. I shouldn't have looked. This is not a number I need to know. I just need to know that at 9 am I'll be doing one. And, then, I'll be doing another one. It's fatal to look at the big picture.

How could I still have 43?

I might need more coffee.

10

(O M freaking G!)

That's all I have to do?

IRS ignoring 60 percent of taxpayers’ calls as deadline looms - The Washington Times

Is It Friday Yet?

I had mixed emotions when someone asked me that upon arriving to work this morning. First of all, I don't get Fridays. My work week is non-stop so the idea that there's a day to look forward to - as in the last day of the work week - is now about two weeks away.

And, secondly, if it was Friday that would mean I have one less day to prepare this mountain of tax returns. What I need is a long string of Thursdays.

The next guy who asks me Is it Friday yet? I'm going to kick in the shins.

Only Two Weeks Left!

No joke.

Science is Fun!

Too many tax returns can make a person crazy.

I don’t know where my head is at but these two headlines juxtaposed near each other made me grin:

6 Ways to Find and Grow a Profitable Specialty Niche

Joint Tax Committee: Overview Of The Federal Tax System 

Brought to you by AccountantsWorld Daily News

Dear Congresscritter:

FORGET TAX SEASON, CPAS — CONGRESS NEEDS YOUR HELP - macpa.org

" “Submissions will be accepted through April 15, 2015, and made public at a later date.”

So be sure to draft those ideas and send them in, tax pros. Just use a bit of that ocean of free time you’ve got between now and April 15.

I’d laugh, but like most things that come out of Washington these days, it’s not funny. "

Do you really want my opinion?

No, I didn't think so.

Three weeks left in Tax Season

h/t Kellie

Rallied the Troops

I scored a case of Girl Scout cookies that will get donated to the Bellevue location of the Puget Sound Blood Bank (now called Bloodworks NW) next weekend. Make your appointment now to donate blood or platelets while supplies last! I got the good stuff, too, after a friend was lured to donate by the promise of a cookie reward and was disappointed by the blood bank's offering. I hope you'll go back, Laurie, because I got 10 boxes of Samoas just for you!

Thanks to Debbie who helped me find a Girl Scout Troop with an inventory problem!

I'm taking a rare day off from work today. Lord knows I can't afford to this time of year but I needed the break. Not to mention, a shower. And sleep sounded like a good idea too. Made some time to save a life while I was at it. 

Do you think the blood bank knows my blood is highly caffeinated? If Starbucks could just hook up the other arm, I'd be all set. 

Keeping it weird in Portland

PDX Carpet Has Last Hoorah As Starlight Parade Grand Marshal

"As part of what seems to be the longest goodbye to flooring ever, the Portland Rose Festival named the Portland International Airport carpet grand marshal of the 2015 Starlight Parade in late May.

"The rolled carpet was expressionless during the announcement, surrounded by its own security detail of TSA agents at the airport’s PDX Carpet Fair on Friday."

http://www.opb.org/news/blog/newsblog/pdx-carpet-has-last-hoorah-as-starlight-parade-grand-marshal/?google_editors_picks=true

So funny, I cried . . .

. . . because it is so horrifyingly true.

3.14.15

It's not just Pi Day. It's the ultimate Pi Day! The ultimate Pi Moment occurs at 9:26:53. It only happens once in a lifetime (usually) so don't miss it!

Let's only eat round things today!

Woo hoo! Oh, wait . . . .

It's Friday? I know because Hubby is wearing a red shirt and he always wears a red shirt on Fridays. And there's rumor of pizza and a movie later on. Other than that, today is pretty much like yesterday. Or tomorrow, for that matter. Or the day after that . . . .

You get the idea.

Condo Living: I Think I'm Getting the Hang of It

Got a new bed delivered to our newly acquired abode and it's, oh, so nice. It's the perfect combination of firm and fluffy and the new sheets are crisp but cozy. There's just one teeny weeny problem: It's just not teeny weeny.

This condo was not built with king-sized mattresses in mind. I wasn't sure it was going to make it to the second floor.

The eye of a needle?

Not to mention the third where the bedroom is.

When it was finally placed on it's final - ahem - resting place, we were faced with another itsy bitsy curiosity: We would need a ladder to climb up into it.

The mattress is 16 inches thick. The box springs are another five inches. The bed frame we ordered is additional 12. What's the math on that? Like, three feet?

The condo was mostly furnished when we moved in and now we know why. This bed will never leave this address.

The view of Mt. Hood from an eastern window inspires me: I'll just decorate around it.

Imagine: The trek begins at ground level. You make camp one the first floor to acclimate. You continue on with a hired Sherpa only to pass discarded oxygen tanks as you reach the third floor landing. From here, you can see the peak thrown into sharp relief beneath the ceiling fan.

All that's left is the final ascent. The Sherpa will go no farther until additional supplies are dropped by any number of planes flying out of PDX, the drone of which now a welcoming sound. Until, finally, you traverse an ice ladder to what awaits: slumber. Sweet, sweet slumber.

Next, I'm thinking about installing a slide so I can get out of the damn thing. And if I do it right, it'll deliver me directly to the coffee maker.

Just change the channel if you don't like it

Nun of Thee Above (Updated)

Came to me in a dream, she did.

Imagine that.

Actually, she did.

One of my college roommates aspired to become a nun. She was on the bottom bunk and I was on the top. . . .

And, she did. Become a nun, that is.

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor

Can't decide which is worse - being buried in tax returns or buried in snow. I know I'm not supposed to mention the daffodils or budding cherry trees - heard there was a new rule prohibiting that - so you didn't hear this from me: It's been nice enough to drive with the top down here. It might also be nice enough to take the boat out but for the avalanche of aforementioned tax returns.

Which is to say, you might not hear much from me over the next few weeks, flowers notwithstanding.

In the meantime, I also need to sell a 2008 BMW 535 xi with 110,000 miles on it. There's nothing wrong with it. In fact, it drives great (meticulously maintained, super solid) and has an outstanding stereo. I just have more cars than I need and it's time to do something about it.

So, if you know someone who might be interested, let me know.

It does great in the snow, too, btw.

Just saying.

Open and Shut

Remember those briefcases that had little combination locks on them? (Are those still around?) You would dial in your combination on a set of reels and then slide a mechanism that would spring a latch, opening the valise.

I need one to carry around all my electronic gadgets and their respective chargers. A combination might be useful but I already have more passwords and PINs than I can remember. I just need a button for Open and one for Shut.

I'll call it my Open and Shut Case and market it to lawyers.

Time to get bag of chips

Officials Declare ‘Eating Healthy’ a Mental Disorder

"In short, if you turn your back on low quality, corporate food containing known cancer causing toxic additives and a rich history of dishonesty rooted in a continuous “profits over people” modus operandi, then you may suffer from a mental illness. The cherry on top is that if you have the pseudo-science labeled disorder of orthorexia nervosa, you will be prescribed known toxic, pharmaceutical drugs from some of the same conglomerate corporations that you are trying to avoid by eating healthy in the first place."

http://www.globalresearch.ca/officials-declare-eating-healthy-a-mental-disorder/5431992

If you don't have anything else to do . . .

. . . keep your shirt on and keep the windows closed.

'Stop this nonsense': Boston mayor tells residents not to jump from windows into snow |The Guardian

"

“This isn’t Loon Mountain. This is the city of Boston.”

That was the message from Boston mayor Marty Walsh on Monday, at a press conference in which he warned residents against jumping out of windows to land in the snow.

"

Loon Mountain, indeed. (Videos at link.)

Definition?

What if I had a jackass that wandered off but then someone found it and returned it? Then I sold it after which the buyer returned it? And, then, I tried to give it away but the jackass found its way home?

Would that be redonkeyless?

These questions are submitted by my thinking buddy, Vicki. (Thank you for making my day.)

View Master Viewer

View-Master Gets An Update | Ron's Log

" There is probably very little truth to the rumor that Hasbro has teamed up with Apple to create a new fourth dimension which will be visible only by using their new viewer. The really novel thing about the Hasbro/Apple viewer is that by using the 4th dimension, they will actually be able to have Steve Jobs do the presentation when they release the viewer to the public. "

Happy Valentine's Day, Siri

Time to buy a bed

" Vancouver is once again putting the 'bedroom' in 'bedroom community.'

" Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Amazon.com ranked Vancouver as the fifth most romantic city in the United States and the most romantic city in Washington. . . . 

" Depending on how you look at that ranking, however, Vancouver may also be the fifth loneliest city in America. The cities that made the list have the highest rate of buyers per capita of romance novels, rom-coms, music by artists such as Barry White and Luther Vandross, and sexual wellness products. "

No, really. We need to buy a new bed. 

(Boom chicka wow wow)

http://www.columbian.com/news/2015/feb/05/vancouver-romantic-city-amazon/

Day One

It's not a particularly good picture (it's from the real estate listing) but this is the new joint. We spent our first night there last night. We still have a few things to get out of our old place but we should be able to finish up after work tonight. We're planning on spending the weekend getting organized and buying things to make it feel more like home.

Anyway, it's quieter than our old place by a long shot. Even while airplanes fly overhead. And it's nice to know we won't have to move again for quite a while.

Lots of good restaurants nearby so feel free to let us know if you're ever in the neighborhood. We'll show you around.

paraskevidekatriaphobia

Fear of Friday, the 13th.

Look it up.

Where in the world ...?

Blue

t

Pop quiz: Where am I?

Purrfect

Sandwich Monday: Meow Parlour | NPR the salt

"

Allie: We signed a waiver the length and complexity of a cable contract that forbids us to offer treats or escape plans to the animals. 

Eva: It also forbids us to make any more puns. 

" 

A combination of cats, coffee, and Taylor Swift. Wait, what?