Remember this?

I was recently at a garage sale where I discovered, hidden behind a door, a red suit with white trim. Oh, yes, you know of what I speak. All I need is a dog named Max and a sleigh and I will be in business. I can't believe my good fortune!

Bwahhahaha.....

Effective yesterday ...

... well, nothing.

Yesterday was the deadline requiring travelers to have a driver's license that complies with the REAL ID Act in order to board commercial flights.

The REAL ID Act was passed in 2005 and was intended to set minimum security standards for license issuance. The purposes covered by the Act are: accessing Federal facilities, entering nuclear power plants, and, no sooner than 2016, boarding federally regulated commercial aircraft.

Starting January 22, 2018, travelers who did not have a license from a compliant state or a state that has been granted an extension would be asked to provide alternate identification. If the travelers could not provide an acceptable form of identification, they would not be permitted through the security checkpoint. Even still, enforcement doesn't start until:

• February 5, 2018, for American Samoa.
• October 10, 2018, for states that have been granted an extension.
• October 1, 2020, for people living in states that are already REAL ID compliant.
• An Enhanced Driver's Licence (issued in the states of  Michigan, Minnesota, New York, Vermont, and Washington) can be used as identification for purposes of commercial air travel but does not make those states REAL ID compliant.

Clear as mud, right?

This map will help.

What Happens at the IRS During a Government Shutdown?

This document tells you, exactly.

• No one will be there to process a refund or an amended return.
• The Small Business/Self-Employed Program Office will retain 3,000 employees for collections and examinations.
• There will be no one in the Whistleblower Department.
• The IRS will retain one guy in the Identity & Records Protection job.
• Three people will be retained in the Office of Professional Responsibility.
• No one will be retained for Competency & Standards in the Return Preparer Office.

But, your taxes are still due.

Colonoscopy Update

I’ve never worked so hard to get a camera shoved up my ass! Listen, people, I don’t really want to do it either but you’re the ones that said it’s time.

Sometime last fall, I got a checklist of maintenance items from my doctor: when to get a mammogram, when to get a flu shot, time to order my annual stool sample kit to check for early signs of colon cancer. “Please call this number….”

So I did. I asked for the stool sample kit and the woman on the other end of the line said that I didn’t need a stool sample kit. Noticing that I’m four years past 50, she told me that what I really needed was a colonoscopy. Not a stool sample kit.

Since Hubby has had one, I was aware of the preparation involved for such a procedure and asked if she could schedule an appointment with a GI close to my home which is outside of my coverage area. (We're talking about Kaiser here and although Kaiser is in Seattle as well as Portland, those are considered different coverage areas. My plan originated in Seattle but I live in Portland.)

She said she didn’t know how to do that and referred me to GI in Seattle. GI in Seattle couldn't do it so they referred me to Customer Service. Customer Service said I needed to find a GI in Portland and request a referral from my doctor who is in Seattle. My doctor said they couldn’t refer me to someone outside my coverage area and referred me back to Customer Service. Customer Service in Seattle referred me to Customer Service in Portland and they told me all I needed was temporary visiting member coverage. Click, click, click. Done.

Easy freakin' peasy, right?

I was then referred to a local Nurse who said she could schedule me for a colonoscopy but since I didn’t have a local primary care physician, I would have to see one first. I explained that I already had one but fine, whatever, I would happily see ANYONE who could get this done. 

Well, in that case....*hold music* Click, click, click. The nurse said I didn't really need to see someone after all. All she needed to do was send a “fit test kit.” What are they fitting me for? Ew. But fine. Send it.

Today, I went to the mailbox and retrieved the package. I opened it up and it was a freaking stool sample kit!

This is turning into a major you-know-what.

(Turns out a "fit" stands for fecal immunochoemical test which was somewhat of a relief but not sure we can call that a silver lining.)

Temporarily inactive . . .

. . . due to flu.

Sooo much fun.

Eight hour Federal Tax Update class. 

Woo. Hoo. 

Journal Entry - 1/4/18

During intermission at a recent event, I asked an usher on the balcony level of the theater if there were any bathrooms on that floor. She replied that yes there were, although most were on the first floor. (The location of the second floor bathrooms was not offered.)


Last week, at a local brewery, a woman sat next to us at the bar and proceeded to tell us that she lived with her mom. Her cat was dying. She’s as light as an owl. (We don't know whether she was talking about the cat or her mom at this point or how she might know how much an owl weighs.)


Yesterday's walk featured a beautiful sunrise. We saw several photographers on the trail and one women, wrapped in a blanket, still in her pajamas, sitting on a park bench just to take in the view.

Sunrise

We walked the trail along the river for a short while with an elderly, but active, neighbor who proceeded to tell us this joke:

A man was in the company of a woman who was the wife of another man

when, all of a sudden, he heard the telltale sound of a key in the door.

The woman told him to leave by way of the bedroom window.

Luckily for the man, it was a first floor bedroom.

Unluckily for the man, he left without his clothes

and it was raining.

It was early in the morning, and he was only a couple of miles from home

so he decided to jog.

All was well until he came upon a group of joggers.

Eventually, he caught up to them and joined their ranks.

The woman next to him kept glancing his way and eventually asked,

"Do you usually jog in the nude?"

"Oh, yes," he replied, "it's quite natural. I usually jog early in the morning and didn't expect to see anyone else."

This seemed to satisfy her. Yet as they continued on she began to steal glances his way again.

"Do you always jog while wearing a condom?" she asked.

"Oh, no," he replied, 

"Only when it's raining."

We have lovely neighbors.

It's a Cancer Thing

Someone asked me once why I wear mismatched socks. "It's a cancer thing," I answered, pretty much ending the conversation.

It started with my uncle who, after starting aggressive treatment for his cancer, started the practice. It caught on with his doctors, nurses, and family members as a way to keep things light in the face of a dire reality.

I still wear mismatched socks even though he's no longer with us. Now, it's more than a "cancer thing." Now, I do it to remember him and all the people we've lost to cancer - far too many people. It also reminds me to keep things light.

Cancer sucks and the reality is some people make it and some people don't but we have to remember that we're all in this together - this business of life and all that goes with it, including cancer. We need to help each other through it all. Sometimes, that's with humor or a smile. I wear mismatched socks to help me get through the stuff that's not much fun.

Today, I'm wearing mismatched holiday socks. Today, it's about not wanting to fold the laundry (people do fold socks, don't they?) so I grabbed a couple of clean ones out of the laundry basket.

This is what I pulled out and it makes me happy.

I've lost people to cancer. I know you have, too. Mismatched socks won't change that but maybe they'll make you feel better for at least a moment.