Tip Not From Heloise

Ladies, have you been looking for a reason to clean out your purse without having to buy a new one? Take this advice: 

1. Go out for dinner. This is a critical step because you might as well get something out of this exercise if not a new purse. 

2. Order a nice bottle of wine to go with your meal. New purses can be quite expensive so if you do it right, you should be able to get a very nice bottle of wine and still be way ahead. 

3. Don't drink and drive. Have a modest glass with dinner and then ask your waiter to re-cork the bottle and package it for transport. 

4. Be sure to put the wine in your purse before leaving the restaurant. 

5. Put said purse in the trunk. It's the law. 

6. You can skip shopping at Fred Meyer on the way home. It's senior discount night but it's not as good of a deal as you might think. Unless you need to pick something up anyway and it's on sale. Like more wine. 

7. Lug all your groceries into the house. And your workout clothes from this morning. 

8. Change out of your work clothes, get a wine glass, and find a deck chair. 

9. Open your purse to find the cork has become dislodged and all your essential belongings are steeped in $50 worth of Cabernet Sauvignon. 

10. You can throw away all the soaked receipts, business cards, and lottery tickets. Face it, you didn't win anyway. And who really uses checks anymore? 

This tested process will work for anyone. No experience required. If your purse has a good lining, you should be able to pour whatever wine has collected in the bottom of your purse into your glass and still salvage the evening. Just pick out the occasional stray hair (It's not gross if they're yours) and drink a toast to your new, lightweight tote. 

Cheers. (And, you're welcome.)