OhMyGodIt'sTaxSeasonAgain!

Right on the heels of HalloThanksMas, too!

January 1…

…is really the worst possible day to start a new year on. 

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I agree. What's the point of starting the year (or anything, for that matter) cold and in the dark (not to mention hung over), and facing the IRS? (Not that the the IRS is going to be interested until February, but that's a different story.)

June 1 would be good because nothing's going on then. Days are warm and long, evenings are cool, and there's no hubbub. Maybe the New Year should coincide with Memorial Day because what better time to remember all the things that have happened in the previous nine months.

Face it, the other three months don't amount to much, celebration-wise.  The nation's birthday bash is in July surrounded by nothing other than good weather, if you're lucky - no competing holidays. Maybe that's intentional. Plan all the celebrating for the dark months so we won't all go moping around, and spotlight Independence Day by giving it its own season - summer.

Before you know it, summer is over and we have Labor Day - as in, get ready for the long haul, fellas, because we've got a lot of work to do! We ramp up slowly before the holiday season (let's just call it the holiday year, shall we?) starts to skid out of control.

October had two holidays: Columbus Day and Halloween. November had two more - Veterans Day and Thanksgiving - unless you want to count Election Day (when it occurs) and Daylight Saving, which should be holidays. December only had one, although it was a doozy followed one week later by New Years - which if Congress approves my plan will be moved to June 1 and we'll all get a much needed break to join a gym or take a nap next year. Whichever suits your preference.

And now we're into Tax Season which isn't a holiday and shouldn't be a season either. What's the point of making nearly 146 million people file returns all on the same day? Wouldn't it be better if we did it like we queue up for voting? According to the spelling of our last names. We don't all queue up in the same line for groceries, do we? Or toll booths? On the same day, no less. We figure out a system and we fan out.

It's not like we don't have other things to do. In January, there's Martin Luther King Day. February has two more holidays (Lincoln's and Washington's birthdays) but I don't get those days off work so are they really holidays? Plus, there's Valentine's Day which gets way more attention than the actual holidays but still remains a non-holiday.

In March we have St. Patrick's Day and another Daylight Saving Day. Where is all this daylight we're saving, by the way? Is there a vault somewhere? (Is it in Hawaii??) Should one day be called Daylight Saving and the other one be called Daylight Spending? Who's in charge? (Oh wait, that was Congress. Makes sense now.)

March also requires corporations to file tax returns. Buzz kill!

April 2014 is insane! It starts with has April Fools Day (which doesn't appear on my calendar but I thought it worth mentioning since some people put a lot of creative effort into this day) and ends with Tax Day. Oh, I wish that were true because it's so beautifully ironic. Good Friday, Easter, and Earth Day fall after April 15th (Earth Day seems out of place nestled amongst religious holidays, doesn't it?), Palm Sunday is before April 15th, and Passover actually begins on April 15th.

In some places, April is also host to Patriot's Day which is not to be confused with Patriot Day. (Not Congress, this time. Massachusetts. Although, to be fair, Massachusetts got there first.)

Things start to wind down in May. We start with a party on the fifth (Cinco de Mayo) and we celebrate Mothers Day. Finally, there's Memorial Day - as in, where did the year go, I don't remember!

Let us not forget our Fathers in June (after the new year,  revised). But let's face it. They don't get nearly the play that the moms do. In fact, it doesn't even appear on my calendar! Flag Day does. Go figure. (Check your calendar, then go write an angry letter to Whoever's In Charge.)

The Fourth of July would be a good start to the year, with the celestial candles and all, being, as it is, in the middle of a holiday void. (Who really considers Flag Day a holiday?)

All I know is January 1 isn't the beginning. It's the freaking middle.