We drove by a public square recently that was surrounded by a heavy police presence. There were a couple of guys dressed entirely in black with red bandannas over their faces. Anti-Nazi Rally posters were here and there but otherwise, the square was empty. Some of the police officers smoked cigars.

I wondered who was going to show up for the Pro side. I know there are a lot of people who have a lot of viewpoints but Pro Nazi was hard to fathom.

We didn't stick around to see if anyone else showed up which was probably a good thing.

Tips for New Homeowners

If you have multiple bathrooms, they will run out of toilet paper on a simultaneous schedule. Every time. Do not let your reserves get down to less than the equivalent number of bathrooms.

Smoke alarms emit a chirping sound when the batteries run low. If this should happen, it will be 2 a.m. and you will be awakened from a dead sleep. You would be wise to change the batteries in all existing alarms at this time. Otherwise, you will be awakened at 3 a.m.

Our research department advises that your batteries must be changed every six months regardless of what the battery package says. The smoke alarm has an internal countdown set at six months. Batteries that are good for ten years in the package are only good for six months in a smoke alarm. (What would happen if you just switch the batteries around?? I'll ask my research dude.)

Your smoke alarm also emits a chirp when the alarm itself expires. This chirping follows the rule of expired battery chirping in that it will happen in the dead of night. One smoke alarm will signal all your other alarms that they are expired resulting in a cacophony of mind shattering shrills. Removing the batteries will be futile. Your smoke alarms will take on alien life and chirp independent of power. Insanity is inevitable as you consider whether the smoke detectors can be flushed down the toilet. If you are lucky, you can lock your spouse out of the bedroom and let him figure it out while you save yourself. The ultimate answer, as soon as the ringing in your ears ceases, is to replace all of your smoke detectors and sell the house before they expire again ten years later.

You will likely never hear a smoke detector activated by smoke. Unless you have a toaster like mine. Then, you will hear it daily. Don't eat toast.

Good bye, my darling

I woke to find Hubby by my side, playing a game on his iPad, popping bubbles. “Coffee,” I was thinking. “Where is my coffee?” He may have not wanted to wake me, thought I might want to sleep some more. Yet, all he had to do was to pull on his pants and go downstairs to where the coffee was already prepared.

Instead, I got up, went to the bathroom and washed my hands. I came back, crossing the room to get my toothbrush and hair brush. I crossed in front of the bed again, returning to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair. Back in the bedroom, I put on clothes. I was thinking, either he’s a fool or he doesn’t want coffee. Why is there still no coffee?

I turned to him as I was leaving, “Would you like coffee?”

Turns out he was a fool.

When my cup was empty, I spent a few minutes in the bathroom thinking he must be on a suicide mission. It is the only explanation that makes sense. This was confirmed when I returned to the bedroom to find my cup has not been refilled. Again, I got dressed while Hubby popped bubbles. Again, I asked him if he would like coffee. Again, he accepted although this time he did not bother to explain where the coffee is located (as if I might not know).

Again, I delivered coffee to his bedside. I kissed him gently on the forehead and whisper, “It was nice knowing you.”

Glamping in Tacoma

... a style of camping with amenities.

We stayed at Hotel Murano which was not camping by any means but on Sunday I visited three - three! - coffeeshops and all of them were closed. Closed, I tell you! One of these was a Starbucks.

What?, you say. Starbucks was closed?

That is roughing it.

Toto, we are not in Seattle any more.

Because some are more special

As football season *ahem* kicks off, make note of these special teams stats:

Baltimore Ravens' payroll for special teams is the highest in the league at $11 million. They also have more special teams players - five. The lowest is $1.9 million with the Philadelphia Eagles (three players). The Seahawks (three players) and Bears (five players) are near the bottom at $3.9 million each which make the Bears special teams players some of the least paid in the league.

The most paid to kickers (two) is $5.3 million by the Green Bay Packers while the Dallas Cowboys pay their one kicker $570,000. The most a team will spend on punters is by the Los Angeles Rams at $4.5 million. The least is $570,000 by the Denver Broncos for their one. 

Again, the Baltimore Ravens come out on top in terms of payroll for long snappers - a total of $1.8 million for two. The Buccaneers pay $495,000 for their one. 

Top paid kicker is Mason Crosby of Green Bay at $4.85 million. The two lowest paid at $495,000 are both with the Bears. Top paid punter is Thomas Morstead at $4.2 million while the least paid gets only $495,000. (There are five of them.) Best paid long snapper is Beau Brinkley at $1.4 million with the Tennessee Titans (although Charley Hughlett's contract with Cleveland is worth more) while the five least paid are each earning $495,000.

Long snappers don't get paid as much as punters and kickers but I could figure out how to live on a million or so a year. And long snappers are somewhat protected. The NFL prohibits contact with the head or neck of a long snapper or else be penalized 15 yards.

Anyway, I'm a fan of special teams. Because they're more special.

Let The Avoiding Begin

I've been on staycation all week and you would think I would get something done. Something productive, like cleaning a closet or planting those seeds that have been sitting on my kitchen counter for months. But, no. I've managed to fill my time with - I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WITH WHAT! Seriously, how can a whole day get away from me?

I can tell you I'm quite relaxed. And enjoying it.

I read in the mornings. Work out. Shower. Suddenly, it's afternoon and I have to scramble to get to some summer activity or outdoor event. I have time to go on errands I would otherwise avoid. I get to bed at a reasonable time but feel no need to set an alarm. Instead, lazing in an extra hour. Leisurely savoring my coffee in my jammies the next morning. Why would I ever go back to work?

Why indeed.

Palms Up

Place Both Hands Palms Up, And Toward Back

Does this meant it won't dispense towels if your Hands are Palms Down? My sister-in-law used her foot and it worked just fine so I don't understand. 

Plus, the magic eye - the gizmo you're trying to trigger with your upward facing palms - isn't in the back. You can't see it in this picture but it's actually front and center so regardless of which way your hands are facing, it won't dispense anything if you're on either side of said gizmo and Toward the Back.

And What's With The Capital Letters? Did They Run Out Of Little Ones?

My suggestion is make sure you know how to operate all the bathroom equipment before using it. Otherwise, you may find yourself with a handful of soap and no way to rinse them. Or, dripping hands with no way to dry them. I would say that the stall doors have changed relatively little over the years and are still easy and simple to operate but I know that's not strictly true.

And toilets? Don't Get Me Started

Now we can get back to what's really important ...

Eating.

There have been some changes at Lapellah and not all of them have been good. Fortunately, for those of us who stuck it out, Lapellah has returned to their roots (as it were) and refocused on their mission of fresh, farm-to-table menus. Now under the direction of Jeremy Penrod, the kitchen is turning out exactly what people have become accustomed to from Lapellah: fresh, locally sourced, inventive preparations. Their prices are reasonable and the entire staff is professional and friendly.

I can't speak to the entire menu because I generally go for brunch on the weekends or Sunday Supper on Monday-eve. Just one look at the description for Sunday Supper lets you know that Shaun is in the kitchen:

1st course cucumber and tomato salad, nduja vinaigrette, avocado hummus / preserved lemon / fried chickpeas ~ 2nd course spaghetti and meatballs, roasted tomato sauce, crispy coppa, hazelnuts, pecorino

I don't even know what all of those words mean but I do know that if Shaun is behind them, they'll be combined into an extraordinary event for the palate. That was last Sunday's Supper and it was magnificent. I don't know what it'll be this weekend but you can bet I'll be having some. Wine is also half off on Sundays so you can't lose! 

We're glad things are back to the way things were and the staff seems to be happy about it, too. It's okay to change things up once in a while, Lapellah, but you have a good thing going there and your regulars appreciate it just the way it is.

If you live in Vancouver (USA), be sure to visit Lapellah. If you're from out of town, please stop by. Lapellah does not have a view. It's not in the new downtown waterfront project. But, the parking is free and the food is seriously good - maybe the best in town. It's not far - only one mile east of downtown Vancouver so you really don't have any reason not to go.

So, just go already.

The Productivity Tools You Never Knew You Always Had

Pen* and paper.

They're inexpensive and easy to obtain. Batteries are not required and disposal is mostly environmentally friendly. There are no storage limitations (other than the availability of shelf space or an empty drawer) and while there are no passwords required they remain free from security risk so long as you're in physical control of the notebook.

My first boss taught me the value of using a notebook and I still keep one on my desk at all times. When I remodeled our first house, I kept track of things in a spiral notebook - everything from contractor bids to receipts which was extraordinarily useful after the hot water heater burst, requiring us to do the work all over again.

When I was a stay-at-home parent, I carried a notebook with everything in it from the kids' soccer schedules to health insurance numbers for the entire family. When they got bus cards, I kept track of their login information to reload bus fare. It was an invaluable, mobile, and easy-to-use tool that helped me keep track of a very busy family.

Sometime during the 90's, I went electronic and started carrying what was called a PDA (personal digital assistant). Mine was the Cassiopeia made by Casio. It came with a writing stylus and could do some pretty cool things. Beyond keeping appointments, it could translate my notes from script to text which was a neat trick. The kids could draw pictures which served to amuse. I used the spreadsheet function to keep track of golf scores and handicaps for the entire family which kept us all competitive.

Then, came smartphones. Now, you can pretty much keep track of everything on your phone. You would think pen and paper would be obsolete but I say no!

Have you ever picked up your phone and then forgotten why you picked it up? Most likely, you got distracted with a notification or message. Pen and paper have no such distractions. Plus, pen and paper don't seem as invasive in social situations. For example, let's say someone mentions something you want to remember for later and you take out your phone. Rude! However, if you take out pen and paper, you appear interested, smart, perhaps taller and even better looking. Plus, it takes less time in, my opinion, to jot down a reminder to circle back to later.

I admit that I don't carry a notebook anymore but I'm a huge fan and keep one at my desk. When I need to make a quick list of tasks that I want to tackle, I can jot them down. It relieves by brain space from having to keep it all in my head which reduces stress for me. Sometimes, I'll attack the list by doing the most important thing first. Other times, I'll do whatever seems easiest just so I can cross it off my list. Still other times, I just set the list aside. If it sits there long enough, I find most of the stuff wasn't all that important in the first place.

A notebook is also a great place to make notes of important conversations and recalling information is easy. Even minor details can be recorded facilitating a timeline, if needed. (I remember I called my credit card company about that issue on the 21st and spoke with ....) Or a follow up. (I'm calling about the the refund that you said should arrive in two weeks.) Or where you left off. (I left off with "Smith" in the client review last week when I got interrupted with another project.)

Need to be more productive? Write it down. On paper.

Okay, put a reminder in your smartphone first.



* Pencil, if you prefer.

Did I mention?

I meant to let you know there would be no leap second at the end of June but I forgot. You probably didn't miss it.

While I'm at it, there won't be a leap second on December 31st either so you'll not get an extra kiss on New Year's Eve.

In the meantime the difference between Coordinated Universal Time UTC and the International Atomic Time TAI is:

 from 2017 January 1, 0h UTC, until further notice : UTC-TAI = -37 s

You can get more information from the Earth Orientation Center.

File these under Totally Unnecessary

Dunkin Donuts Lip Balm - As tempted as you might be, please do not get this for my birthday. Or, for any other reason.

Slurpee Home Delivery - 7-Eleven will now deliver your Slurpee directly to your couch. With their 7Now: Food & Alcohol Delivery app (on Apple or Android), 7-Eleven can also deliver your Slurpee, as well as a six-pack of Bud Light and a Snickers bar, directly to a park bench near you. While I have no need for a Slurpee - ever - there were times when I wanted a pizza delivered to my boat. While that's not available yet, Domino's is close. Their service, like 7-Eleven's, involves delivery to "hot spots" which, in my neighborhood, includes the local high school.

Coffee that tastes like S'Mores - a "limited edition" coffee with "marshmallow & and graham notes." I've always stood up for you, Starbucks - mostly because I'm hopelessly addicted to your overly-roasted goodness - but this I cannot defend. Can we make this coffee a little more limited? Like, extinct?

What's necessary is unadulterated, black coffee. What's necessary is a collection of at least 25 moisturizers, each with a specific purpose (e.g., one for the delicate tissue around your eyes, one for sagging kneecaps, etc.). What's totally necessary is multiple pairs of black shoes.

The rest I can do without.

"Further study is needed to investigate possible protective mechanisms."

Does frequent ejaculation help ward off prostate cancer? | Harvard Health Publishing

" Regardless of the reason why, take comfort in the fact that ejaculation is not only pleasurable, but also may convey health benefits. "

Could I just have an empty glass?

Out with friends last night where, for dinner, one's three-year-old ordered a grilled cheese sandwich, hold the cheese. The chef came out of the kitchen, "What? He just wants toast?" The boy was emphatic, "Grilled cheese, no cheese!" Gotta love it.

Reminds me of a time when one of our kids ordered a mocktail - a virgin martini - which, as far as I can tell, is an empty glass. (Or maybe, just the olive.)

The Bathroom Rant

I know, I know. You've heard it before - the bathroom rant - but a poorly designed restroom I do not understand. A sink like this is very pretty but I fail to see how it is practical. It does a good job of wetting the side of the bowl (again, very pretty) but doesn't wet my hands past my fingertips. Maybe I'm missing something. Are we only supposed to wash our fingertips? If so, what is the rest of the bowl for?

Drying one's hands, says Dyson. They built the hand dryer right into a faucet - the Airblade Tap Hand Dryer (which you can purchase from Restroom Direct). It looks a little bit like a motorcycle handlebar mounted over a sink. OK, it doesn't look anything like a motorcycle handlebar but I can't think of any other way to describe it.

One of the things that drives me crazy about restroom design is that someone, somewhere, decided to change things up. I understand wanting to make things more efficient or more sanitary. What I don't understand is going into a restroom and not being able to perform the functions the room was designed for, namely flushing my bodily wastes and washing and drying my hands.

I'm sorry. Was that too much information? I should have warned your earlier.

My bad.

I haven't met a toilet that I couldn't figure out how to flush, eventually, but I have been stymied by sinks and dryers. You know the drill: waving, dancing, surreptitiously looking for the magic eye or handle to make a thing work, hoping no one else is looking, only to find out it was manual in the first place. You hope the soap will dispense, the water will flow, and, dripping, you will be able to blow or wipe your hands dry on something other than your clothing, all the while timing when you can reasonably give up and leave the restroom while still looking somewhat cool.

This one particular time, I came out of a bathroom stall and was confronted by a handlebar apparatus in the sink that made me think of a motorcycle handlebar - the Dyson Airblade Tap Hand Dryer. Luckily, another woman was working the device so I was able to proceed as if I was an expert. I washed my hands under the stem of the handlebar and later moved my hands out to the handles to dry them.

Brava! No dripping on the floor from sink to towel!

I walked out of the ladies room like I know what I was doing, cool as a cucumber, and just after I rejoined my husband at our table, he leaned over and whispered into my ear, "You forgot to zip your fly."

The Party's Over

Apparently, a shortage of helium is making things tough for party planners. It's making things tough for the medical industry as well. According to USA Today,

" As helium prices surge to new highs, some researchers and companies in the medical industry, which uses the gas as a coolant in magnetic resonance imaging and nuclear magnetic resonance, are suggesting a ban on party balloons. "

No party for you!

But with smart balloon practices as recommended by The Balloon Council, we can get through this together. Wait, there's a Balloon Council?

Yes! They are here to protect the "consumer’s rights to obtain full enjoyment from balloons," Also, "affirming America's ongoing love affair with balloons" so there's that.

Can you imagine the board meetings? All those squeaky voices....

Psychotria Nervosa

. . . or what you feel like after four cups.

What happened to one a penny?