Beats Me!

It takes me three hours to get to work, between the time my alarm goes off and when I actually get there. (Longer, if you take into account the first thing I do upon arriving is make my breakfast. (Even longer, if you consider that the second thing I do is log on to 76003.)) I don't have any idea of why this is.* I don't wear makeup, as a general rule, and about half the time I don't even wash my hair. My work uniform is a pair of jeans and a button down shirt.**

If I understood why this is, I could also explain what a woman carries in her purse. Money and credit cards? Sure, but she could put them in a pants pocket. Keys, ditto.*** Kleenex, band-aids, hand sanitizer - okay, now we're in "mom" territory. (Maybe I'm onto something.)

It takes me almost half as long to get ready for bed. With lotions, potions, and eye creams, how could I possibly go to sleep any earlier? (Damn, that reminds me I haven't put on any hand lotion!)

I'd happily explain women to you but I can't and I am one. If you're not, there's no hope for you.

Sorry, I wish I had better news.



*In my own defense, it takes almost thirty minutes to make my perfect, hand-crafted espresso americano and another thirty minutes to enjoy it. What takes up the other two hours, I have no idea.

**The decision-making is in what shoes to wear.

***Why does a man carry, at most, two keys and a women almost always carries 27 conjoined in a massive ball of keychains?

Don't Let This Happen to You

It's National Coffee Day. You can do better than this.

It's better than Christmas! Yesterday, was our anniversary (26 years - over half my life by a few days), today is National Coffee Day (although, really, every day should be coffee day), and my birthday is on Saturday. Dude, I should be in bed all week drinking coffee and eating cake!

Instead, it's Tax Season, Part II, and I'll be at the office. (Still drinking coffee, of course.)

Last weekend, was our first weekend of being homeless and we spent it on the beach. Not like sleeping bags on the beach, more like waterfront hotel room. (Remind me to give them feedback about their in-room coffee selection.) And "homeless" really just means one less home. I still have another home and a boat.

Hubby is already anxious to spend the proceeds on new digs in Seattle. I'd rather wait a bit for the dust to settle. In the meantime, the commute continues between our Portland and Seattle locations except now we'll be staying primarily on the boat when we're "home" and plan to be there most weekends so most of you won't notice any change.

Meanwhile, my cup runneth dry and something in the back of my head is nagging me to go get some exercise. (I'm trying to ignore it.)

I don't know what you're doing today but make sure you're doing it with a good cup of coffee. If you're drinking Inn Room coffee, good for you. Maybe you're on vacation. (Although, I can guarantee it's not gourmet because there's no such thing as gourmet inn room coffee.) But, if you're drinking decaf, I don't know you.

Thank Goodness, there are botanicals for stage fright.

This Week in Long Snapper News

LongSnap.com

" Week Two of the 2015 NFL season is complete and the snapping position remains stable. The extra point rule change has made the normally automatic extra point a bit less automatic, as nine extra points have been missed so far this year. There were a total of eight missed extra points all of last season.

" Four snappers made tackles in punt coverage this week, led by Beau Brinkley of the Titans who had two solo tackles. Jon Weeks (Texans) and Charley Hughlett (Browns) each recorded solo tackles, while JJ Jansen (Panthers) added an assisted tackle. "

View Thru

Almost There

What a weekend! We sold or gave away 100% of our furniture. While we made huge progress, there's still a lot to be done. We'll have a garage sale on Saturday to get rid of everything else, and donate what's left over on Sunday. My back is sore but I'm invigorated.

You never know how much you have until you try to get rid of it. That's no exaggeration. The more we sold the more there seemed to be.

Some really interesting people came through our house. One was a student who was entering the University of Washington and was furnishing her dorm room. This, after spending a year studying in London. I spoke with the mother who told me she home schooled her kids because they were all dancers who performed all over the world and, therefore, couldn't attend traditional school.

I met a woman who used to live across the street in the home of the man who was the developer for the houses directly across from us. She now lives a few blocks away across the street from a park where I used to take my grandson. She came over so many times and bought so much furniture that I feel like we're now best friends.

One neighbor bought the karaoke equipment. We're hoping to get an invitation as soon as it's all plugged in. We told her, upon taking her money, that the set comes with a guy named Brian. All they have to do is start singing "Sweet Caroline" to conjure him up. (We don't know how that happens but it always did.)

Everything in the house seemed to have a story and each time someone walked out with an item, I recalled the memories that went with them. I was glad to know someone else would get to enjoy something that had made me happy over the years and was grateful. Even though we worked at a frantic pace over the two days, there was a real sense of peace when it was all over.

I would do it again but I hope I won't have to. Getting rid of all your stuff is liberating. Freeing up your space gives you more room to love the stuff you have. The key is to purge until you feel good in the space that's left over. And then to keep it that way.

Living A Dream

Nightmare is more like it. I'm living in a garage sale. 

I can't put anything down anywhere or Hubby will come along with his price gun and tag it for fifty cents. Nothing is safe.

There's no place to sit. No place to eat. And, I can't find shit! It's a certain kind of meyhem that doesn't just clutter my space, it's cluttering my mind.

The big sale is tomorrow. Selling everything, just about. Lots to do but getting there. The process was a bit weird at first, parting with accumulated treasures. But the further we got into it, the more we've come to realize that we have more junk than treasures and the treasures, most of them, have served their useful purpose which was to give us pleasure in this house.

We will find new treasures and make new memories somewhere else. And the old memories, we'll have forever.

I've been reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing which is not only a great Charades title but it's provided a good deal of guidance on how to go about said tidying and decluttering. I look at everything differently now in terms of what is worth keeping and what can easily be discarded.

I've never even had a garage sale before. Ever. But this process is cathartic because I've had to look at every single thing I own - every paper clip, slip of paper, and unmatched sock. While I can now more easily identify things I don't need or should get rid of, without a sale such as this, it's easy to postpone getting rid of things and set them aside for "later" which never comes. It's almost easier to do it all at once that to get rid of things one at a time - this thing to Goodwill, that thing on Craiglist, the other thing to the garbage. While it's a ton of work to have an estate/moving sale, it's more efficient.

It's a good exercise, cleaning house. And it's a good book. If you know someone who could stand to get rid of stuff, buy that person this book. It's worth it.

Speaking of work, I'd rather avoid it but tomorrow is a big day and if I sit here too long Hubby is likely to put a price tag on me.

What's A Long Snapper?

Since yesterday, I've heard this question more than once. The fact that this question is asked at all serves to illustrate why it's so important to support your local Long Snapper.

A Long Snapper, friends, is a position in American football. He's the guy who snaps the ball, long.

He's not the Center. The Center snaps the ball, short, into the Quarter Back's hands which are placed in the Center's crotch. Awkward, yes, but a fairly easy target, one's own crotch. It's trickier when the target is 15 yards away and aimed at from an upside down position.

The punt, extra point, and field goal situations require the guy in the middle (but not the Center) to snap the ball over a long distance. Hence, Long Snapper.

From Wikipedia:

" During field goals and point after touchdown, the snap is received by the holder typically 7-8 yards away. During punt plays the snap is delivered to the punter from 13-15 yards away. "

Accuracy is key. A bad snap can make the difference in the outcome of a game. Even so:

" Long snappers are usually amongst the least known players in the NFL, because of their highly specialized and relatively invisible role on the field. "

Which is what makes them ever so special. Even though every team in the NFL now has a specialized Long Snapper, they are generally not drafted as such. Long Snappers are usually acquired as free agents into another position before finding their true calling.

" The first pure long snapper to have been picked in the draft was Tyler Schmitt, a sixth round pick (189th overall) in 2008, selected by the Seattle Seahawks. "

Seahawks are so cutting edge.

For my Chicago friends who are curious about Long Snappers, Longsnapper.com belongs to Chicago Bear's Long Snapper Patrick Mannelly, only recently retired. Of all people, Bears fans should know what a Long Snapper is!

Another excellent website for up-to-the minute Long Snapper news is Longsnap.com which now appears as a link on this page, to your right. Among other things, this site describes the NFL and NCAA rules that apply regarding Long Snappers, namely that a defensive player can't line up against the Long Snapper (NFL) or initiate contact until at least one second has elapsed after the start of play (NCAA).

Now you know what a Long Snapper is and what makes him special. This is the first year I've seen an NFL jersey for the Long Snapper and as soon as I saw it, I snapped one up.

*groan*

Seriously, though, the first jersey I got for a player on Special Teams was #3 Josh Brown (when he played for the Seattle Seahawks). I had to have it made because there was no such thing as a Kicker's jersey at the time. Soon after, Special Teams fever kicked in (can't help myself) and Josh Brown jerseys were everywhere. (There had to have been at least half a dozen of them.)

I'm not surprised that the current Kicker, Steven Haushka, has a jersey available. People have come to realize how important the Kicker is and admire his contribution. Haushka ties for first place for longest field goal made in 2014 at 58 yards, has a 100% field goal average for attempts between 20 and 39 yards, and made 100% of all extra point attempts. He scored a total of 134 points for the Seahawks last year which ties him for fourth highest scorer in the entire freaking league.

The Long Snapper, Clint Gresham, didn't score a single point last year but that doesn't make him any less deserving of a jersey.

Think about this: In the Peanuts cartoon, you have Lucy as Holder and Charlie Brown as Kicker but there's no Long Snapper! For the Seahawks, Jon Ryan is Holder to Haushka's Charlie Brown but unlike the cartoon, you have to have a Long Snapper to start the play in the NFL. The Long Snapper is the one to make the whole thing possible. Without him, there is no Haushka and you can kiss those 134 points goodbye.

For the Seattle Seahawks, Clint Gresham is that guy - #49, Long Snapper. My hero. And you can get his jersey here.

Is It Here Yet?

Because He's Special

I just purchased a #49 Seahawks jersey for Clint Gresham, the Long Snapper. How special is that? I could have had a #4 Hauschka jersey (Kicker) but everyone knows who Hauschka is. He's a rock star. There was also a Jon Ryan available (Punter). Also, a stud. Was somewhat tempted to get Ryan's #9.

But, in my heart, Gresham is the most special one of them all. (He happens to also like cornhole if I haven't mentioned it before.) So, now, there will be two people in the stadium wearing his jersey (besides himself). Me and his mom. Because, even the Long Snapper needs some love.

(I'll let you know if I manage to score an autograph. That would make my day!)

Moving

First things first. 

Evening Sky

Live Cornhole [rebroadcast]

[Originally broadcast on August 22, 2105]

Bringing you thrilling, live coverage of the Fourth Annual Cornhole for Cash Tournament from Blechschmidt Meadowlands

The official boards are set up and participants are arriving. Warm ups have been a display of both athleticism and flailing desperation by various bag tossers.

The official first toss was scheduled for 2pm but traffic is tied up for miles around the Meadowlands. Like the Seattle Opera, it is highly unusual for play to start late although the Commissioner has granted a rare exception.

Draws for teams are underway.

Our team managed to secure "Game of Throwns" as team name.

First toss was made at 2:45 and Game of Throwns played in the second round. The format was changed to triple elimination to compensate for the lower than usual turnout because, heaven forbid, the tournament might end sometime before midnight.

The competition is fierce among a select group of tossers but the overall mood of the tournament is more sedate than previous years. There is more encouragement of teammates and opponents alike and less smack talk than is usually heard on these courts.

Perhaps, this is due to the influx of younger players coming up through the cornhole ranks. Although a force to be reckoned with, they don't yet posses the vocabulary for it. In addition, most of their moms are also in attendance.

Half the contestants are wearing sunglasses while the other half are wearing reading glasses. Two of the youngest attendees are already vying for the top spot of Commissioner.

Youngsters, vying.

There are no separate divisions and kids of all ages are tossing the bags although there are noticeable differences in style between the generations. The old guys are nursing various aches and pains and are doing their best to mask their various physical handicaps. The youngsters, without experience, are erratic in their tosses but present themselves as secret weapons when they hone in. A recent champion just turned 14 years of age and I was personally crushed by a Sixth Grader.

Official brackets

Even as I type these words, controversy erupted over whether or not the Yellow Chickens' wins were properly recorded. The official record showed they were undefeated. The tapes were reviewed while highlights were broadcast on the big screen. Participants refreshed their drinks and fans rocked out to the stadium music being broadcast to the delight of participants and neighbors alike.

It is unknown who threw the review flag but it's probably someone who was afraid of losing to the previous champion from Enumclaw. (Oh wait, aren't they all from Enumclaw?)

It was officially determined that Ethan, 2013 Champion, and teammate Martin of team Yellow Chicken were undefeated going into the final rounds.

[Live reporting was suspended as we moved into the Semi-Finals. The following report is reconstructed from the rather hazy memory of this correspondent.]

Brother versus brother.

The intense action of the final rounds made it all but impossible to continue live reporting. The amicable atmosphere and easy-going mood disintegrated into serious competition as the day wore on. On the courts, it became a family affair with father, son, uncle and grandson all reaching the Semi-Finals.

Grandson versus grandfather

It was hard to know who to cheer for as the semi-final round got underway to determine third place as favoritism to one family member was seen as disloyalty to another. "We just want have a good match," said Dugan of the match up between his team Corn Chuckers with partner, and son, Beero, against  Uncle Jeff and Anthony. The Corn Chuckers prevailed, beating out Anthony and Jeff by a surprising 5 points. Jeff and Anthony (2012 and 2014 defending Champion) left the competition in Third Place. (Sorry, Anthony, you can only win on even years.)

The stadium lights came on just before the final matchup between Dugan and Beero of Corn Chuckers against Ethan and Martin of Yellow Chickens. There was a time out while the stadium seating configuration was adjusted to accommodate the influx of spectators for the exciting conclusion of cornhole competition.

Standing room only.

Seating configuration for the final matchup.

Yellow Chickens were still undefeated while Corn Chuckers already had two losses. The pressure was on for Corn Chuckers who needed to defeat Yellow Chickens three times to take the title while only one loss would mean Second Place.

The Commissioner announcing the final matchup.

Competition was unbelievably fierce. Three of the four remaining competitors were related to each other but that didn't stop them from doing whatever was necessary to get in their opponents heads. Jibes and insults were thrown as much as the bags but that had little influence on performance. Frequently, both teams would land all eight bags between them resulting in no score for the turn. It made for an intense, if not painstakingly slow, battle.

It was noted that many players had picked up footwear sponsors during the off season. Beero opted for professional footwear while Martin donned flip flops. While Beero and Martin both possessed mad cornhole skills, it was the cornhole progear that gave Beero an early edge.

With the first win of the final round Beero celebrated with a victory lap shouting, "They're human, baby!" While this was only the first loss of the day for the Yellow Chickens, they were deflated as much as any Super Bowl football.

Youth eventually won out with the Yellow Chickens taking it all the way to the hole, footwear notwithstanding. Ethan and Martin captured the 2015 Cornhole for Cash title, adding their names to the prestigious trophy.

2015 Champions, Yellow Chickens

Cornhole for Cash Winners

Ethan and Martin of Yellow Chickens (2015)

Anthony and Blake of Nothing But Net (2014)

Ethan and Mark of Elite (2013)

Anthony and Yours Truly of Cornholio (2012)

(Do we detect a pattern here?)

A Woman's Reasoning

I have this cute little Coach wallet that doubles as case for my iPhone 5c. It has just enough room for my phone, a few credit cards, and some cash. It has an outside zipper pocket for loose change. It also has a wrist strap which is very useful when I want to have both hands free.

I've had it for almost exactly one year. I got it at the Apple Store when we were there getting a new iPad for Hubby. He dropped his old one, shattering the glass, just days before last year's draft for his fantasy football league. This year's draft is this Sunday.

He had many hours of research into his draft pick strategy and all of it was stored in an app made suddenly unavailable. We made an emergency trip to the Apple Store to get it replaced and while I was waiting, I had little else to do but shop. (And I only got a wallet!)

A year later, his new iPad is in fine working condition (knocking on wood), Hubby has refined his draft strategy in response to new keeper rules, while the stitching on my iPhone wallet wrist strap has loosened to the point it may unravel completely. 

I took it to a shoe repair shop to see if the strap could be re-stitched. Only by hand, I was told, because the leather, doubled over, was too think for their machine. Also, they didn't have matching thread so while it might be relatively expensive (relative being in the neighborhood of $25-$30), it wouldn't be all that attractive. 

I love that little wallet and use it constantly but it only fits an iPhone 5. Seeing as I'm faced with getting a new wallet, I might as well go ahead and get an iPhone 6. 

See how I got there?

Roche Harbor

How do you park an oyster anyway?

This just in: Italians are not human!

Wait, what?

Green, Anchor

Walkway