Tuesday, April 8, 2014

One Week To Go

7 days left in the tax season. It’s 7:15 am and I don’t have time for this but I have several thoughts in my head that I want to jot down before I forget them.

  • Waking up from NyQuil-infused sleep is rude - it’s not the waking but the return of the symptoms you took the NyQuil to alleviate.

  • running to/from April 15 - even as most people would like to avoid April 15th, I run towards it like a marathon runner to the finish line. (The last time I made this comparison was last year - I think - when a bomber tried to blow up the Boston Marathon so it’s not all that good a comparison.) People are still coming in the door with their taxes saying: So sorry it’s late. I hope you can still do my taxes. I don’t think it will be very hard this year. I’ve only gotten divorced, inherited a lot of money, invested in multiple publicly traded partnerships that do business in all fifty states, sold my house in a short sale before renting it out for a short while, and spent some time working in a foreign country, and I can only find about half my documents. But maybe they’re in here (heaving a large box onto the counter). Do you think it will be done by the 15th? Oh, I also sold a small number of shares of a European company that my grandfather gave me when I was six. That won’t be a problem, will it?

  • baby wipes with an expiration date - because what could be worse than wiping your ass on an old wipe?

  • After making pouty faces in the mirror in an attempt to make it (my face) look contoured and more animated i decided to selfishly spend a few more minutes in front of the mirror before trudging off to work to apply some makeup. I managed to stay within the lines this time carefully avoiding the salved patch of skin I had earlier torched with my curling iron.

  • life is funny - my posts that have only a number in them - and nothing else - are receiving higher ratings on my blog than posts with any thoughts in them at all. which means no one is probably reading this. what makes life funny is life itself, its adversities and our clumsy attempts to overcome them. if i were to pursue being funny full time and give up my “real job” I’m afraid there would be nothing funny to write about.

  • McDonalds - I’ve been craving McDonalds which only happens when I’m hungover or during tax time which - oddly - are very similar.

  • I was asked by an organization to be their Historian, seeing as I’m a "writer" and all. Hugely flattered, I am, but considering that History was my worst subject in school and my own records are more hysterical than historical, I’m wondering if they’ve made a wise choice. A different organization asked me to be their Secretary, once, but I had to quit after I found out how much writing was involved.

Took NyQuil last night. Can you tell?

I am an April Fool.

So, Tim B., still funny?

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