I woke up the other night to the foulest of smells. My husband wasn't even there but I rolled over anyway to check because there was no way that odor was coming from me.
The lack of a bedfellow confirmed, I went back to sleep only mildly concerned about the temporary passage of air pollution. But, then, it happened again.
I was absolutely sure I was incapable of producing such a malodorous disturbance so my mind contemplated whether there was a burglar in the house with a bad case of flatulence. From that moment on, I heard every creak and moan of the house but I was far too tired to get out of bed to defend myself and my house against the stinky intruder. He'll smoke himself out, I thought. No need to worry.
Fully conscious after my coffee the following morning, I remembered that sewer gases can enter the house if the traps in drain lines (from sinks and tubs) get dry. The water that normally collects there provides a seal between the house and what lies beyond. When that water evaporates, those sewer gases can come uninvited into the house.
So I ran water in my less used sinks and tubs (and the fact that I have less used sinks and tubs is good evidence that my house is too big and it's time to downsize) and the problem was solved.
Except, I'm missing my 14 carat diamond.
Oh, wait. I didn't have a 14 carat diamond.