Sunday, December 16, 2012

Mrs. Santa's Meltdown

It happens every year. Mrs. Santa gets to feeling grouchy because she feels like she's the only one doing any work. Santa is just sitting in his easy chair watching the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl of all things. Good Christ - what is it with the names for college bowl games? Little Ceasers Pizza Bowl? Really? If we're going to name football games after food products maybe we should name them after things that actually go in bowls. Like cereal, soup, or Chocolate Chip Mint.

Where does he think all those cookies come from? Hmmm? Mrs. Santa, that's who.

Who cleans up after all those freaking elves? They shed glitter dandruff for chrissakes.

And the reindeer? You really don't want to know the details. It's not pretty. Especially if they don't get their organic carrots. Picky eaters, they are.

Who do you think picks up the red suit at the dry cleaners? I'll give you one guess.

And who do you think keeps the lights on?? It's not the fat man over there I can tell you that. He gives all his shit away!

Mrs. Claus has a cottage industry of her own. Actually, it's a multinational corporation that manufactures and sells cute little hats shaped like Christmas trees, teeny tiny Christmas clothes, "First Christmas" ornaments, silver rattles, and the like for newbie grandparents. They're suckers for that kind of thing and Mrs. Claus cleans up every year.

Does anyone every thank Mrs. Claus? No, Santa gets all the credit.

And that's why she gets grouchy.

That's also why she's also on her second glass of wine.

No comments: