Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Draft Day

6:48 pm - I am in Draft Central of the Hawks Nest Fantasy League with less than fifteen minutes before the first draft pick. Six of ten teams are represented here with the remaining four logging in from remote locations. These posts are live.

6:50 pm - The first round draft pick will go to Ghetto Punky's Posse, the only team in the league with a female owner. She is calm and cavalier just prior to the proceedings. She's either prepared herself very well or she just wants you to think she is. This reporter wishes her the best of luck.

6:59 pm - Food and drinks have been brought into Draft Central and team owners have staked their territories. Laptops have been set up and various reports are displayed on multiple monitors. The tension is mounting as we prepare for the first pick.

7:05 pm - Punkys Posse has taken Running Back Arian Foster in the first round. And, we are off and running!

7:08 pm - It is very quiet now in Draft Central as each team ranks their picks in anticipation of their next pick.

7:10 pm - Hubbys team is owner of On The Road Wanderers. He will be picking ninth. After the tenth team, pick order reverses and Road Wanderers will pick again in the twelfth position.

7:11 pm - On The Road Wanderers has picked Drew Brees as Quarterback (congratulations, Drew) and Lynch Marshawn at the Running Back position. (On The Road Wanderers immediately expressed regret for his last choice. Was it true regret or a chance to get inside the head of other Team Owners?)

7:15 pm - Southside Tony Toni Tone drafted Calvin Johnson at Wide Receiver which caused a stir in the Draft Room. This reporter heard from one Team Owner, "Suck it!" to which another replied, "That would be a good team name for you!" Things are heating up.....

7:17 pm - Punkys Posse drafted a much sought over Tight End, Jimmy Graham, which encited additional outbursts.

7:18 pm - As a side note to the proceedings, the owner of Southside Tony Toni Tone shared the first place prize in the Cornhole For Cash 2012. Good luck, Tony Toni Tone.

7:22 pm - Things are heating up physically as well as figuratively. Draft Central has western facing windows (that dont open) and the A/C has cut out. The available players left to select are thinning and Team Owners are voicing their anger when their top picks are stolen from them.

7:24 pm - I just heard one Team Owner accuse the others of stealing his scouting reports. Lets just hope it doesnt come to fisticuffs.

7:25 pm - As space was needed for Team Owners, this reporter was relegated to the broom closet for her report. The equipment here does not include an apostrophe..

7:27 pm - This reporter has just learned that Josh Brown, Kicker formerly for the Seattle Seahawks, then for the Rams, then for the Jets, is planning to return to Seattle for the rest of his career. This is an unconfirmed report.

7:41 pm - In an exclusive interview with Punky, I was able to get personal insight into the the leagues only female owner. I learned about shopping trends and personal preferences in shoes. Another team owner wondered aloud if we were seriously talking about shoes in the middle of The Draft. Indeed, we were! Since she picks first, then last, she has plenty of time to talk about fashion. (Do we see a Punky Posse sportswear line in the future??) Another owner predicted that Punky would end up kicking all their asses this season to which I responded, "Of course, she will, and shell be wearing awesome shoes when she does it!"

7:46 pm - This reporter has just heard a rumor that the Lake Stevens Sea Gals is owned by a conglomerate *** THIS JUST IN *** Punky has taken a kicker in the eighth round which has totally confounded other owners and caused a lot of talk. She has confirmed this move was to put everyone else off balance. *** (returning to our previuos post) *** of young women who have ALSO taken a kicker in the eighth round. One has to wonder if the women are working together.

7:54 pm - I just spoke with Team Up The Middle who is new to the League this year. His draft style is exclusively by the seat of his pants. Even as he formulates a strategy, he abandons it. By contrast, Team Thank God Al Toon Retired is researching even now after the midway point of the Draft. God is feeling very confident in his team and for good reason. Gods fantasy baseball team is in first place.

8:03 pm - Reggie Wayne went in the 11th round to Team In Like Flynn. (Flynns owner is also the Commissioner but this reporter detected no bias in the current proceedings.) I was there during the decision making process. Flynn has charts and lists posted all around him which he marks as players are eliminated from the draft. "Its time to get creative," he told me. When it was his turn to pick, I watched as he used his entire minute and a half for his selection, talking to himself as he made his choice. It was a tense moment as he selected as the clock nearly expired.

8:04 pm - Shouting now, as players are routinely stolen from other teams wish lists. "This is when leagues are made or broken," shouted the owner of The Road Wanderers.

8:09 pm - Tony Toni Tone is also feeling confident of his picks. His strategy so far has been to mess with everyone elses strategy. His prediction is that he will finish in the top half of the League this season. However, if a trophy was offered he thinks he could bring it home for the win. He did not offer what kind of footwear he might sport if he were to make it the the final playoffs.

8:11 pm - We are near the end of the draft now. Only a few picks left. Chatter is lighter, friendlier. Conversation now moves to trucks and mileage. I havent been able to communicate with the offsite teams. I wish them all the very best of luck."

8:17 pm - On The Road Warriors has made its last pick after which Team Owner Hubby wished the remaining owners lots of luck. Team owners are bottom-feeding now to complete their rosters and are expressing relief at its completion.

8:17 pm - God has four quarterbacks. I suppose he can have as many as he wants.

8:19 pm - Well, that about wraps things up. Punky will be the last to pick. Other owners are urging her to pick a kicker. She picks ... Bernard Scott, Running Back!

8:23 pm - There are no ceremonies to open the draft. There are no ceremonies, no parades, no over-the-top fanfare to conclude it. But every one in the room has sighed a sigh of relief and pushed back their chairs. And, now, the analysis begins amongst and between the owners.

Already, the smack talk is starting between The Wanderers and Punky in the first matchup and team owners are challenging the commissioner on league rules.

It should be an exciting season.

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