Star Struck

From Drop Box

I didn't actually get to meet him but I did have a very good view of him. Nancy Pearl was selling her books there as well, but not her action figure which is a bummer. That would have made for a perfect evening!

(I don't mean to spoil The Woman Who Died A Lot but Nancy is in it. Very, very cool.)

As for The Last Dragonslayer, it was published in 2010! Before you wonder how it's possible you could have missed it, the book was only released in the United States earlier this month. In fact, on the same day as  The Woman Who Died A Lot. This book is the first of three which have already been written and published in the UK.

There were 200-300 attendees. (For tea drinkers, you can translate that to 250.) I wanted to get my book signed but it would have surely taken an hour to get through the line. I passed on the signature.

I'm glad I bought the book though. He made a comment about reading on paper versus e readers - essentially that reading on paper was more essentially "real." I would have looked silly just sitting there with my Kindle on my lap - everyone else had a book or two. (It's good to blend in.)

As for the interview, it was recorded but I can't find it on the internet yet. It was sponsored by University of Washington Book Store. Nancy broadcasts videos here (there's an interview with Mr. Fforde from 2005) but nothing from the 15th.

I'll keep looking. If I find the link for the audio, I'll let you know.

Loyalty Goes Both Ways

"So? Starbucks rewards loyalty - and they're not out to take over the world. Okay, that was a bad example...."

Thursday Next in The Woman Who Died A Lot

I wonder if Mr. Fforde knows that after only two weeks after publication, his book is already out of date.

As it turns out, I read the above line today which is funny because, as of today, Starbucks does not reward loyalty. I was planning a worldwide boycott but, to tell the truth, even before Starbucks had a reward program, they were my caffeine-pusher-of-choice. So what's the difference now? Nothing, really. I just liked the attention - well, perceived attention. I got post cards and I have a gold card in my wallet with my name on it.

So, I don't know about the global boycott. I am easily influenced by the "dark side" of everything. Amazon, Google - it's all just too easy, like the Goliath Corporation (which "catered for everything from the cradle to the grave" Ibid.). Starbucks, whether you like it or not, is everywhere and you know exactly what you're going to get when you go into one. It's like the whole principal behind McDonald's - you can walk into any one and get the same experience, hamburger, or cup of coffee.

They're on every corner, and if you're not sure which corner is closest, you can check your mobile app so you can rest assured you're never far from another cup.

I was a fan before the rewards program so what's the problem?

The problem is I feel used. They didn't have to manipulate me to get my vote; they already had it. I gave them my e-mail address, I let them track my buying habits in exchange for some goodies. Now, they have my information but I no longer have the goodies.

I shouldn't complain too much. My grocery store knows more about me than they should. My internet browser stalks me. My freaking car can differentiate between asses* and will adjust the seats automatically when I get in! How personal is that?

It's time to do something different. It's time to buy local. I try to do that anyway but now it's time to try harder. The mermaid is just going to have to learn to live without me for a while.

Maybe I'll send her a postcard on her birthday

(*exaggeration)

A Pretty Big Day

I have the opportunity to meet Jasper Fforde and Nancy Pearl this evening. (Woo hoo!)

And, it's the last day to cash in on Starbucks Rewards.

Oh, and the last day to file your taxes if you haven't done that already.

Whew!

Sunday

From Drop Box

"Everything but the kitchen sink" scramble with biscuits, double layer carrot cake with cream cheese frosting all from scratch, two roasted chickens with Brussels sprouts and potatoes. It's Sunday, and it's raining.

I'm pooped.

Root Root

Happened by a farmers market yesterday with no particular plan in mind but I quickly decided on...

From Drop Box

...vegetable soup.

From Drop Box

It turned out pretty good which is good because there are a lot of leftovers.

I'm eating my favorite emergency food: chili from a can. "Emergency" = I'm hungry and too lazy to do anything about it. I took it out of the can first and heated it up - not that lazy! To round out my culinary week, I had chocolate chip mint ice cream after my Purple Stride Walk* in support of the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network. And, I've got Oreos in the fridge. (Is it tax season??)

*More on this later because, in fact, it is Tax Season Part II. Everyone who extended their tax return must file by October 15th and it's a prerequisite that the more complicated the return, the longer they take to bring us their stuff. So, busy.

Skills

If they had known who I am, they would have never given me the bean bags. For a dollar, I had the chance to win $100 by tossing bean bags across a room at a cornhole target. We were at the Portland Meadows for Customer Appreciation Day and, although I had never been there before, I was about to be appreciated.

The feeling was mutual.

I got two out of four which wasn't enough for the $100 but it was enough for $20 in betting vouchers. So, bet I did. On the horses.

A couple of beers, hot dogs, and six races later, I left with $70.

Skills.

(Props to my coach and the home field management of Blechschmidt Meadowlands for teaching me everything I know about the sport.)

Stalked Again

What worries me is not that I'm being stalked. What worries me is that it doesn't worry me. 

I was sitting at my desk the other day when I saw a shadow cross my window, not ten feet away. 

I'm in a first floor apartment, facing the street, and I work from home. I'd rather people didn't know when I'm here and when I'm not so I always keep the blinds mostly closed - open enough for light but not open enough for someone to see in. I knew it wasn't the day for the landscapers - they had come the day before. 

And, yet, I wasn't worried. More, I was curious about who might be outside my window and what would happen when we came face to face. The source of this shadow wasn't on the sidewalk. No, whoever cast this shadow was right outside.

Now, I would  come out of my skin if a spider were to cross my path, but a mysterious shadow across my window? Surely, there must be a screw loose in here somewhere.

The shadow moved as I watched. And, then, the shadow spoke.

"Meow," said the cat on my windowsill who was stalking, indeed, to find the best spot in which to sun himself.

"Boo," I replied. 

Boo, indeed.

Not The Onion, Indeed

Sticky buns 'devastating' for Swedish wild boar

But local officials warn that the practice, while increasing the chances of a successful hunt, it increases the risk that the boar suffer from weight problems and poor dental hygiene.

H/T Ron's Log

Poetry

From Drop Box

This was on the underside of my coaster at Niche Wine & Art.

"Rewards Faster"

This is the slogan Starbucks is using to encourage devotees to think that stripping their Rewards Program of rewards is a good idea. What they've done is change their program to match the frequent buyer program of every other coffee house, shack, or roadside stand on the planet. No free syrups. No free soy. No free drink if you pay full retail for a pound of coffee. Heck, you won't even get a free, flippin' postcard anymore. I liked the postcard! Now, you get a free coffee after purchasing 12 just like every other joe joint. They might as well go back to using punch cards.

Okay, getting rid of the postcard is a good idea that I can support. On the other hand, the paper punch card might be more environmentally correct than the plastic ones. At this point, the plastic ones aren't really needed, are they? But there's no longer a reason to choose Starbucks over another coffee joint. Certainly not the price. Their only hope is they have enabled the coffee addictions of enough of the coffee consuming public that it won't matter.

Well, this morning, I'm drinking Seattle's Best. Take that!

Now Reading

From Drop Box

An early birthday present. Woo hoo! You can get one, too. Here.

System Re-Boot

From Drop Box

When they roll up the carpets in Mountain Home, they're not fooling around. They closed the whole city last night for a system-wide re-boot. We should have taken a drive just to see what it looked like, a whole down gone dark. As it was, we were in our hotel room (no glow sticks) and we missed the end of the movie we were watching that wasn't quite over when the power went out.

No A/C and no windows that open. I wondered if the door locks worked or if they had battery backup. What about the sprinklers, fire alarms, and smoke detectors? How many transformers would blow when the juice came back online?

The sun came up and the power was on. Just another day. Everything looks like it went as planned, although I haven't ventured outside the hotel yet. Speaking of venturing out, the sign on the hotel room door says "Fire alarm sounds like a loud siren."

Perhaps there was some confusion.

Road Trip

From Drop Box

A Winning Combination

All the important events in my life take place in a casino. Or, very near one, at least.

We were married 23 years ago in Reno, Nevada. We got marred at the Chapel on the Park which was the only chapel I could find without an Elvis impersonator and plastic flowers. We bought our rings at a pawn shop, rented a tux, and got hitched.

Subsequent birthdays and anniversaries, thusly, are celebrated in casinos.

We are, for the next half hour, at the Wild Horse Casino in Pendleton, Oregon, which is the only "dry" casino I'm aware of. You can smoke like a fiend here, but you can only drink in the bar. Which is, of course, where we ended up and danced the night away to the local cover band. We partied like rock stars and had a blast.

Next week is my birthday....

Let's say you're driving on a two-lane road (that is, one lane in each direction) and you're following a car and you are both coming to an intersection. Just as you approach the intersection, another lane is added and the car in front of you chooses the right turn only lane. You are aiming for the left lane because you are either going straight or turning left.

Let's just say you pull as far forward as you can so the car that was previously in front of you has no choice but to wait until you've cleared the intersection because the right hand car can no longer see the traffic coming from the left.

This is how you avoid waiting your turn in line.

(btw, this makes me crazy.)

Three Minute Fiction*

It’s probably time for me to retire anyway. I’ve been here for a lot of years and they want someone younger in this job now, someone fresher. Someone who is comfortable with new technology.

I remember when I got my security clearance. That was decades ago and I wasn’t allowed in the West Wing even then. When I started, I was in charge of cleaning up after the chimney sweeps. Every six months they would come and they always left a sooty mess behind. Footprints everywhere. There are thirty-five chimneys in the White House and over the years, Cheney’s was the dirtiest.

You’d be surprised how long it takes to move up the ranks in the Executive Residence Staff. You have to work there for years before you’re trusted enough to not be noticed. I didn’t get the Oval Office detail for twelve years and I’ve been cleaning it ever since.

That was twenty years ago. When a man sat behind the desk.

It’s no surprise it came to this. The media had been talking about how obsolete the President was for years. Not the function so much as the man. He didn’t have any real power, after all. Congress had all the power. The President was redundant. Anything he did had to be approved by Congress. They just wanted to eliminate the middleman.

President Roddenberry was the last person to hold the office before it was outsourced. He took it hard but he was a believer of the system and, besides, there wasn’t anything he could do.

POTUS was built in the United States but not all of its parts. The computer chips and circuitry came from overseas. The programmers were primarily U.S. citizens but some of the code was outsourced. If people were fed up with the biases of the President, shouldn’t they be worried about those of the programmers?

It’s shaped as an obelisk made of polished steel. Pundits said it was a nod to George Washington but I think they did it for the photographs. A metal box the shape of a shoebox would look pathetic on the Resolute Desk. They wanted it to have height. They wanted something that looked imposing

I can see the advantages to POTUS. One less election, for one thing. And POTUS can literally track the will of the people. But, that’s my problem right there. The “people” crave reality TV. This isn’t a game. This is a country. But nobody asked me.

It used to be, I cleaned the Oval Office early in the morning. I only had to be out before the President arrived. Now, of course, POTUS is behind the desk 24/7 and they won’t let me in there at all. But I cleaned that office until President  Roddenberry’s last day and I learned a lot even though I never met the man.

For example, all the pictures of the installation featured an empty box because they were behind schedule. POTUS wasn’t finished yet. And, there are two POTUSes. That’s so there’s always one online while the other one gets updates. And, its battery backup only lasts four hours. I found that out when I tripped over the cord in the first week. It wasn’t long after that I was asked to leave. They said my duster created too much static electricity and posed a threat to POTUS.

I didn’t like that power cord. It made POTUS look vulnerable: a symbol of the greatest country on earth had a rat’s tail. It was like pulling back Oz’s curtain and finding only a man.

But, then again, maybe that’s how it should be.

*NPR

First Day of Fall

Pre-Peeled, Re-Wrapped Bananas Are the Most Wasteful Sign of the Apocalypse Yet

Juxtaposition

I was looking at the calendar for the Clark County Event Center to see what there was to do this weekend. I thought maybe it was time for the county fair but it's already come and gone. However, if you're interested, there are two events taking place there this weekend: The Portland Agility Dog Trials and the Seattle Cat Club Show. Funny that these would be on the same weekend and that it's the dogs that need to be agile.

But this reminds me: I went to the library yesterday to pick up The Poisoner's Handbook by Deborah Blum. I thought it might provide some useful ideas of how to foil my protagonists in my upcoming Now & Then story. In browsing the shelf, I found some other interesting titles and also checked out Coroner At Large by Thomas T. Noguchi, M.D. and This Will Kill You by HP Newquist and Rich Maloof. (This last one already looks good. Check out the Table of Contents: Chapter One, Alligators....)

These books were located very near another interesting title: The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women by Mikaya Heart.

Interesting that death and orgasm are shelved so close together.