This is a Test . . . I'll Explain Later

So long, 2013.

How to run this thing.

Press the right arrow, down arrow, or spacebar to advance; press the left arrow or up arrow to move backward.

You can also click the left and right arrows in the control bar at the top.

Expectations are low for 2014.

This will be hidden when the slide loads

And You Thought Seahawks Fans Were Loud . . .

Flight path.

Train path.

I have no idea how I added these photos. Just pushed enough buttons and it worked.

Global Branding

Jingle bells? More like jingle sells. If Santa was a brand, he'd be the most valuable in the world - worth a staggering 1.6 trillion dollars.

You think you have problems. Just be glad you don't have to pay for healthcare for a bunch of elves.

The True Cost Of Christmas: Santa's Tax Bill

Orchardists Rejoice

We may no longer be discussing oranges here. The plastic has been ripped off and we are playing, immersing ourselves in a brand new universe. Small, medium, and large - we are inundated in pomme de terabyte.

We have guests coming so the playing may need to wait. But, oh, what an adventure 'tis this.

Bureau Chief Hat

Note: The Dot has been added.

Easy As Pie

New Tax Guide Helps People With Their 2013 Taxes

This useful 292-page guide . . .

Never mind.

Silver Lining

Hubby is so tired of eating ham that all I have to do is tell him that's for dinner and he takes me out instead.

We might be having ham all year.

White Christmas and Peanut Butter

There's nothing like  White Christmas with Bing Crosby on the big screen in a 1936 movie house. Actually, it was more like a medium screen in the updated Kiggins Theatre. Still, it was thoroughly enjoyable. I wanted to sing along and clap after all the big numbers. No one else did so I behaved myself. But the fifty or so patrons seemed to be having a good time, laughing at all the right places, and bursting into a cheerful applause and the film's conclusion. It was a fun way to watch an old classic - in an old classic.

Beforehand, we ate at Charlies Bistro where they offer Myrtle's Turkey Salad Sandwich. This is no ordinary turkey salad, let me tell you. It has the usual ingredients, of course: turkey, mayo, celery. Pretty standard stuff. It also has black olives. I like black olives. And it has peanut butter. I also like peanut butter but wait, what?

We'd been to Charlies a few times before and we had seen Myrtle's sandwich on the menu. But we never had the, ahem, guts to try it. (Who is this Myrtle anyway?) But last night, we tried it and you know what? We liked it. It sounds like a mess, I know, but it was really good. I don't know if it's destined to become a classic but you never know. 

Cincinnati Chili did and I bet you never saw that coming, did you?

Favorite Things

A red coffee mug emblazoned with "Now & Then"

A cranberry red mohair purse from Fossil

And, Siri. (which is white, not red)

Who needs whiskers on kittens?

When I pass by the full-length mirror, that's when I'm prompted to do my sit ups.

When I do my sit ups, that's when I'm prompted to vacuum up the hair on the floor. (How could I still have hair, when so much of it  falls out?)

When I go to get the vacuum cleaner, I pass the light switch and I am prompted to turn out the lights.

Maybe it will all go away by tomorrow, I think, and, I'm prompted to go back to bed. What's  so special about today anyway?

Yesterday, we saw Portland's Christmas Ship Parade. I haven't seen many but this is the best I've seen. I would encourage my Seattle friends to check this out if they're ever in the area so they can step up their game!

So Goes December

Clearly, I'm not keeping this as up to date as I had planned. It just got to be too much. Sorry, Holidailies. Maybe next year.

Green Eggs?

They say eternity is two people and a ham, says my Joy of Cooking. And so, I find myself in eternity.

Ham was on sale last week so I got one. The smallest one I could find was about ten pounds. Hubby sliced it all up and we packaged it into a dozen packages and boiled the bone down to make split pea soup. With ham, of course. That alone lasted a month but it was delicious with toasted cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread.

I made one tossed salad with ham but a dozen packages still remain. I will make ham pot pie, ham casseroles, and ham and eggs. Maybe a ham hash would be good. I’ll be sure to let you know.

But be sure to look up the recipe for split-pea soup in Joy. It’s a winner - easy, cheap, and delicious. The recipe calls for two cups dried split peas but the smallest package I could find was 3.25 cups. I just tossed the whole thing in there (because what am I going to do with 1.25 cups of leftover peas?) and it turned out fine. I suppose I could have added a little more water but since the goal is for the soup to thicken I didn't bother. It did turn out a little thick and I had to add water when reheating the leftovers but it was still good. All three times.

But I’m thinking we’ll have something else for Christmas dinner. Maybe pizza.

Sweating the Small Stuff

It's easy to be grumpy this time of year. It's cold outside, for starters. And there's a lot to fret over if you give into that kind of thing - the details of managing one's life, crushed by the details of managing just the month of December. On top of it, someone hacked my email account and I've spent countless hours updating my cyber security.

What a pain.

The account that got hacked didn't hold much in the way of useful information. It generated some spam email but most of the address book was out of date so I don't think it was far reaching. Most of my computers (there are seven, if you count Hubby's, if you can believe that!) don't have anything on them. We do most of our work and playing in cyberspace and don't store much on our local hardware. There is one that might have information on it, but it's limited to photos mostly. Any "sensitive" information is likely out of date.

So I've been trying to button up the online security and it's gotten complicated. This one syncs with that one and all the apps, not to mention Windows 8, want to share information with other apps and before you know it, it's spun out of control. My information is everywhere - on my phone and on computers spread all over Western Washington, linked with Facebook, Twitter, and who knows what else.

I've un-synced everything, changed all my passwords, put a fraud alert on my credit report, changed how I store passwords, and added two-step verification to the accounts that hold more sensitive information. Even then, I've translated any and all sensitive information into a code that only Hubby and I know so even if someone gets in, none of it will make any sense.

Besides all that, I'm busier than I want to be and not goofing off as much as I'd like to which is why I'm killing time here. I just wanted to take a little time for myself.

BTW, I'm reading I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. It's a beautiful book, a must read if you haven't read it already. And, if you have, read it again. It's worth it.

All My Fault, Again

The Seahawks have been having such an incredible year so far. Good enough that I'm invited to watch the game. Last year, I was an unlucky talisman. If I so much as glanced at a Seahawks game, the other team would score.

It wasn't just me. Other people noticed. I was invited - as politely as possible - to get the fuck out! Even at social gatherings with friends and family, I was asked to sit by myself in a room outside of view or hearing of the game.

This year is different. I can wear my jersey - or not, or my lucky socks - or not, and they keep on winning.

Until. . . .

We have flagpole in our front yard with an American flag, and a Seahawks flag beneath. We came home one night and noticed the Seahawks flag was upside down. We thought someone had pulled a prank. Certainly, it couldn't have been upside down all season.

Or, could it?, someone asked me. You didn't put it right side up, did you?

We did.

And then, they lost.

So either it's our fault for righting the flag (It's only weird if it doesn't work) or the guy who turned it upside down screwed things up.

If the latter, beware. If the former, I'll be out of town for a while.

Happy Camper

NaNoFail was the original title of this post. I don't know what it'll be in the end, even as I write this. Because, in the end, I didn't fail.

I didn't write a single word in November this year. Okay, literalists, I hear you. What I mean is I didn't participate in NaNoWriMo this year. 2010 was the first year I participated in NaNoWriMo. I wrote a fun romp called, "Plain Vanilla." It was my first attempt at writing anything more than 500 words (outside of school) and I managed to produce at least 50,000.

I called myself an author.

In 2011, I wrote for pleasure, not volume. It was "Book One" in my Now & Then "series" which I published here. (And, yes, the quotation marks are intentional.) It's not good but it's good fun and it was fun to write.

In 2012, I wrote the second in the Now & Then series. This was a more serious undertaking. I had a goal of 100,000 words (50,000 of which were written in November). I did research, character outlines, and plot diagrams. I planned this story for a year.

I hit my goal for 2012 but I didn't like how the story turned out. It started out well enough but by the time I was finished with it, I was finished with it.

This year, my goal was to go back and polish last year's story.

November is traditionally a slow month for me at work so what better time than to write? Or edit? Except, edit is a four-letter word so I opted to work instead. Except, work is a four-letter word as well. I would have called editing a good exercise but "work out" is a synonym for "exercise," which is too close to "work" for comfort so I went to Hawaii and did nothing. (NaNoFail.)

Today, a friend of mine gave me the best present ever. She read my 2011 online story. Better still, she got it. (She gets me so that explains a lot.) Even though I wrote it in 2011, she only got around to reading it this year. When she did, she knew she had to get me this*:

(I know, crappy photo. New phone is still on order.)

The first Now & Then was about designer genes. The second was about water. The third (when I get around to it) will be all about an evil Condiment Conglomerate. But the next one will definitely have to be about coffee. (World domination through caffeine, anyone??)

I have a new fan.

Happy Camper.



*It has as much to do with the fact that it's a red coffee mug as anything. (You're just going to have to read the story.)

Brown Stuff

Nothing will sour your taste for whiskey more than a whiskey tasting. I've met many, in fact, whose last taste of whisky was in their youth when it was unceremoniously tasted twice and never again. I have not had such an experience but I can tell you that after tasting six, I had no reason to drink any more.

I'm a devout Jack Daniel's fan* but am aware of the opinion that charcoal filtering is cheating, meaning Jack doesn't have to be aged as long and the charcoal filtering influences the flavor of the whiskey more than true craft. In the interest of science and increasing the high brow-ness of my whiskey choices, I hosted a whiskey tasting.

Rather than buying several bottles of whiskey, I purchased an assortment of miniatures. Admittedly, this excluded most of the truly top shelf whiskeys but it gave me several choices. After all, I wasn't going to drink them all. I just wanted a taste.

We tried:

• Jack Daniel's
• Mischief Whiskey
• Early Times (whiskey)
• John Jacob Rye Whiskey
• Woodford Reserve (bourbon)
• Gentleman Jack

Only Hubby and I were present for the tasting but we each served the other in a blind tasting. After comparing notes, we found that we were both able to pick out the Jack and the Gentleman Jack from the rest. Based on preconceived notions we would have picked Early Times as our least favorite before the tasting however we found it to be reasonably drinkable. Turns out Early Times and Jack Daniels are both owned by The Brown-Forman Company so that may have something to do with it.

Mischief Whiskey and John Jacob Rye Whiskey are both made by Fremont Mischief in Seattle which I didn't know until I looked it up after our taste test. We liked the rye whiskey but neither of us cared for the Mischief, even as we are mischievous.

So there you have it. We are destined to be low brow drinkers of the brown stuff, although it might be a while before we have any more of it. A whiskey tasting will anesthetize your nostrils and burn your tongue. But there's always tomorrow. And, the next day. 

I'm sure we'll recover.

*I have a Jack Daneil's Field Tester cap signed in 2005 by Jimmy Bedford, the sixth of seven Master Distillers in the history of the distillery. 

Services Begin Saturday

Massage on Saturday, facial, and hair color on Monday. And maybe a burial service for my laptop.

My new phone might be at the office, shiny and new. I'd go there but the cloud server is down. I know, that's not supposed to happen but it did so my choices are: 1) work from home, or 2) goof off.

In either case, more coffee was required.

I decided to copy my photos off my old phone in anticipation of getting a new one but my desktop computer wasn't interested in talking to my phone. Wouldn't even say hello. So I plugged the phone into my laptop - which was really marketed as a netbook - an Acer Aspire One. Not only would it talk to my phone, it also networks with my desktop. Through the science of magic, I transferred my photos from my phone to my desktop via my lowly little netbook. Believe me when I say, I have no idea how this all works.

But then Windows 8.1 totally screwed me over. My netbook froze after transferring eleven of the 876 items off my phone. Just stopped in its tracks - screen frozen, keyboard frozen. Nothing worked except OFF.

I get it. The Acer is a cheap computer. I used to think cheap as in inexpensive but now I'm thinking cheap as in slutty. It used to freeze up with such an annoying frequency that it nearly met its demise before Windows 8 came along. I took it to computer doctors and nothing worked. But after I upgraded to Windows 8, it worked perfectly. It was a little slow maybe - streaming video was a little jerky and working in multiple windows could be a drag - but it never froze again.

Until I "upgraded" to Windows 8.1. (My netbook gets around.) And the now it freezes up randomly again. If only I could turn back the hands of time but Microsoft has no sympathy for my situation. I'm stuck with it - just when I was resigned to live with it at least another year.

And so, I'm back to considering what shiny new thing would solve all the world's problems. For the money, I could get an MacBook Air and have a reasonable expectation that it would work exactly as advertised or I could get another netbook and have enough money left over for a bitchin' coffee maker and a year's supply of coffee.

Maybe I should have a steam bath and just think about it.

Shiny and New

I am always tempted this time of year by all the pretty, shiny things blinking Buy Me! Buy Me! Buy Me! And I so want to. Every year I agonize over which of these shiny new things I should buy - nay, need - but here's the thing. I don't really want to buy them. I would feel guilty buying such an expensive toy - since that is all it really is - when I could, I don't know, save my money. Pinch it just a little longer in my pocket full of coins. Besides, I already have lots of shiny things. More than most, truth be known, so I have no idea what the hangup is.

But, if it showed up under the tree, that would be okay.

I am getting an iPhone but I weaseled it into a business expense so I really don't have to pay for it. I live and work in MicrosoftLand but play in the world of Android/Google. Still, I've lusted for an iPhone for - I would say years but in the world of technology that would translate to centuries so I'll say I've been lusting for days and let you figure it out. It had to be ordered so all I can do is wait - lusting while terrified at meeting this strange new appliance that will be as different to me as a foreign language.

Which brings me to laptops, in a roundabout way. Sexy and thin, they beckon. The MacBook Air is beautiful and tempting. It's the best and knows it - an aloof siren. After a recent computer crash at work, I spent considerable time contemplating how to turn this into a business expense as well. I need it for work!

But the fact is, I don't need it for work. And, it pains me to say I don't need it at all. I have drunk of the Google Kool-Aid (the official soft drink of Nebraska, btw - the Kool-Aid part, not the Google part.) I would love a new laptop as long as it was pretty and lightweight (so shallow!) and fast but I don't need it to do anything. I don't need email or a calendar, or a word processor or something that does math in rows and columns. I don't want to pay for software that I will never use.

I just need the internet. And, so I looked at Google's answer, the Chromebook. They're pretty and totally devoid of intelligence. (Sounds like my last date.) I don't wish to degrade all the developers that contributed to this empty box. On the contrary, I think it's (ironically) brilliant. Everything I do is in the cloud, ones and zeros floating around somewhere above my head. What else, truly, do I need?

iTunes.

Alas, it cannot be downloaded to the Chromebook. Thus, my laptop and phone would be destined to separate worlds, untethered and alone.

And so, I am resolved to live with what I have.

And be grateful for it.

Until next year.

Brought To You By The Color Red

I put up the tree yesterday and already there are two bottles of Gentleman Jack beneath it. If I had known that was going to happen I would have done it sooner. Like, in January.

But, 'neath the tree isn't exactly accurate seeing as the Gentlemen tower over the tree:

Jacks aside the tree.

Meanwhile, I recommend you watch the movie Red2. It has kissing but it also has Spam so I figure it's a wash. Plus, it has Helen Mirrin which puts it in Must See category - a really fun movie.

If you're looking for a great holiday film that doesn't have anything to do with the holidays, see the 1956 film The Red Balloon. You can watch it here or on Hulu. It's worth the 30 minutes it takes to watch it. (No kissing, no Spam, no Helen Mirrin - but Paris! Oui!)

 

Goal for December: unsubscribe to all my junk email. Of course, when I do that the first thing I get is an email telling me I've unsubscribed. . . .

Do I have to wait until Christmas to open my presents?

Coloring Outside the Lines

I don't wear much makeup which is a good thing since I'm usually applying it in semi-darkness, only one coffee into my day.

I wear a powder foundation and a bronzer. Today, I reversed the two and applied the bronzer to my entire face. I didn't even notice until I got out the foundation powder. Cheese and rice!

I applied the foundation over the bronzer everywhere except my cheeks, poured another cup of coffee, and hoped that if anyone noticed they thought I was either blushing or got an exceptional sunburn in Hawaii.

No one noticed. Then again, I generally work in solitude so it mostly didn't matter anyway.

When I got home, I poured a cup of cheer and set up the tree which was an anxious five minute endeavor. Some of the Lite-Brite plastic pieces had fallen out of the 18-inch ceramic tree and the light bulb in the center was all wobbly. I balanced the light bulb by pulling the electric cord taut and swiveled the tree so any open holes were in the back.

I set it on a side table, plugged it in, and as I gazed upon it my heart grew two sizes.

Okay, maybe not, but it's nice. Kind of makes my face glow, you know?

Cheeses, Janice!

Cheese and rice! I don't remember where I picked this up but I adopted it and there it is.

And then there was Janice, the Crazy Hat Lady. I won't tell you why we called her that. I'll save that for a different day. What I will tell you is her husband would say Jesus, Janice! so many times, it became her freaking nickname.

So, one day, Cheese and rice! became Cheeses, Janice! so I went to Etsy and got a customized cheese board from Timber Green Woods and here it is:

I figure that should score accommodations at their AZ home sometime this winter, don't you?

Low Expectations

I think I'm just going to skid into 2014 and call it good.

Last year's Christmas came together as one of those magical, unexpected moments. The entire family was there, even family members we haven't seen in a while. There was no drama, no one got wasted. Just people I cared about, acting like people I'd like to care about.

Everyone helped with the tree, the meal, and the dishes. I had ten (or was it eleven?) stockings over the fireplace and everyone got along. The kids were darling, and the adults had meaningful conversations.

It was weird.

I have no such expectations for this year. I haven't dug out the decorations and I don't have any plans to. Maybe I'll get jolly later but what's the rush? Last year, I saved time by not decorating the outside of the house. Instead, I swapped all the flood lights with colored lights - red, green, and blue. Flipped a switch, and called it good. And, since these were flood lights I generally didn't use, I left them up all year. This year, presto. Done.

My only goal for December is to try to keep this site updated.

Glad to be back, Holidailies.

Tax Exemption for Flat Grannies!

When Mom And Dad Move In: The 'Granny-Flat Tax Exemption' For The Sandwich Generation

Might be a little hyphenation problem here.

Napsack

BOOOOOOOM

Napsack from Poler

Who wouldn't want one of these? A sleeping bag and a coat, all in one. You would never - absolutely never - have to get out of bed. And if you're camping, you wouldn't have to get out of your sleeping bag when you have to go to the bathroom! Where was this product 40 years ago?

All this for the incredible price of $130 from Poler - the world's highest standard of stuff.

Attractive, no?



I first saw this product in the Alaska Airlines in-flight magazine Holiday 2013 Gift Guide (November issue, page 103). And I said to myself, I must have it.

Move over, Snuggy! I've got a sack that I can nap in!

As soon as I got on the ground, I searched for "sleeping bag coat" and I got quite a range of results. On one end, I got this:

What this has to do with The Strand Hotel NYC, I have no idea.

I also got this, which was far more interesting:

Dornob - Design Ideas Daily

The self-heated, waterproof and multi-functional Elements Survival Coat is designed around over 18,000 homeless people living in Detroit. It converts readily into a sleeping bag at night, while providing portable warmth during the day. . . .

Donations are being accepted to help buy velcro, plastic tubing, scissors and hot glue that go into the construction process. Of course, clothing alone is not the solution – this coat comes with a minimum-wage job, food to eat and other assistance for getting back on one’s feat. It might not be a long-term solution, but any home is better than none … and the materials+assembly price is difficult to beat.

Read more: Sleeping Bag Coats: Makeshift Wearable Homeless Shelters

(Also, here: ABC News.)

Instead of buying a Napsack from Poler, I'll make a donation to The Empowerment Plan instead. Their mission:

We're a Detroit-based nonprofit organization dedicated to serving the homeless community. We hire homeless women from local shelters to become full time seamstresses. These women manufacture a coat that transforms into a sleeping bag, which is then given out to homeless individuals living on the streets at no cost to them. ​ 

We believe in giving second chances to those who want it, and providing warmth to those who need it.

Or, you could get the Norma Kamali Narrow Sleeping Bag Car Coat from Saks Fifth Avenue for a cool $600. Does it come with a car? Because, if it does, I'll donate to that.

In the End

DIY Death: Natural, At-Home Funerals And Their Boomer Appeal - WBUR

“Once people’s fears are relieved about body care, body mechanics, smells and fluids, a light goes off and they say, ‘Why would I not want to do this?”

Something to think about anyway.

Antique Doorknob Collectors of American Can't Handle It

In September, Vancouver council adopted new amendments to its building code, effective next March, that, among other things, will require lever handles on all doors and lever faucets in all new housing construction.

Vancouver’s ban on the humble doorknob likely to be a trendsetter - The Vancouver Sun

(Photos, too.)

Middle, Revised

If I add Los Angeles to the mix, that puts us in Cheyenne, Wyoming. (Or the Denver area, if you prefer.)

Rodeo, anyone?

Who Wants to Meet In The Middle?

GeoMidpoint.com

Sioux Falls, South Dakota, is roughly in the middle for persons traveling from Seattle, Boise, Cincinnati, and Boston. If I toss in Phoenix, then the middle is really a cornfield on the South Dakota-Nebraska border, approximately midway between Denver and Minneapolis. Kansas City, Kansas, appears to be as close to the middle of the United States as it gets, so maybe that would be a good meeting spot.

Or we could try something completely random. How about Greece?

Random.org

Adventures in Travel

There’s a loud talker on the flight. I’m in row 3 and this guy is across the aisle in row 4. He talks a lot - although he’s quiet now because he’s watching his digiplayer. But, he’s a talker. A loud one. I’ve been listening to my iPod because this guy is so distracting I can’t read, or even do a puzzle. If looks could kill, I swear the woman ahead of me, in row 2, wishes this guy serious harm. Okay, probably not. Just quiet. She keeps peering through the gap between her seat and her husband’s, staring arrows just over my left shoulder to the guy across the aisle in row 4. Just by looking at her face, I can just read her thoughts: “Shut the fuck up, already!”

I can’t hear anyone else around me. I don’t think it’s that they’re not talking, although the rest of first class is fairly subdued, playing solitaire on their iPads or working a Sudoku puzzle. I thought for a while that maybe this new 737 was just more quiet than other airplanes - like riding Amtrak. If you ride the train, you can hear everyone’s conversation. Even the lady discussing private medical issues with her doctor on her phone. Stuff I really don’t want to be made aware of, you know?

It’s a good thing I had something to listen to and I still had some battery life left on my iPod. I hope my new phone* has enough battery power for a 5-6 hour flight. Then, all my entertainment will be with me wherever I go - books, podcasts, and puzzles. What more could a girl need? Lotions, but I guess you can’t put that in a phone, can you?

We were gone for ten days and, as usual, I over packed. The last time we went to Hawaii, I made notes for myself so I wouldn't over pack which I didn't read again until we were already in Hawaii. I must have remembered some of it anyway because I packed in the little suitcase this time, not the big one. Still, it weighed a ton. I knew it wasn't my bathing suit. It wasn't my shoes either. (I only brought the pink flip flops Aunt J. gave me.) It probably wasn't my pillow either. And if I packed my pillow in my little suitcase, that didn't leave a whole lot of room for clothes so what made my suitcase so heavy?

Stuff I don’t need, that’s what: lotions and electronics. Okay, geerheads, before you get all excited, I didn't say all electronics but there were some I definitely could have lived without for ten days. Similarly, there were some lotions that I could have left at home. And, I’m the Lotion Queen.

This is what I brought:

• Cleansers
• One just for my face
• One for my hair
• Is shave cream a cleanser?
• Toothpaste
• (In case you’re wondering ,the body soap was provided by the hotel/condo so don’t get all lathered up about it)
• Lotions
• Hair conditioner
• Morning face lotion
• Evening face lotion
• Eye cream
• Hand/body lotion
• Body lotion with shimmer
• Other
• Self tanner
• Sunscreen (why would someone bring self tanner and sunscreen?)
• Deodorant
• Makeup
• Almond exfoliating face scrub (To be fair, this was just a sample size)
• Anti-aging seaweed facial mask to be applied twice per week (Hey, I was gone for ten days.)

Guess how much all that weighs? A freaking ton, that’s how much. So this is what I did. When I left Hawaii I left behind the sunscreen, the shampoo, conditioner, and the hand/body lotion (which gives you sense of my priorities, I suppose). You know what? My suitcase still weighed a ton. That’s because I also had:

• An electric toothbrush and charger
• A battery operated, freaking, face-cleaning device with rotating brush head
• Laptop
• Kindle
• A bigger than necessary paperback (for when I had to turn the Kindle off in flight, although I didn't need to do that this time)
• HDMI cable, for hooking up everything to everything else
• Cables for charging everything
• Camera with which I took not a single picture

Good to get away from it all, right?

Next time, I might just consider going old school and brush my teeth with a manual toothbrush and wash my face with a washcloth. And while my face probably doesn't know whether it’s day or night, my crows feet will know if I don’t bring the eye cream. And since I didn't wear any makeup or take any pictures, I can probably leave those items at home. The rest of it I can buy for a couple bucks in travel sizes at my destination and forget transporting it, especially the half gallon of sunscreen of which we used approximately one tablespoon.

Unless I forget to read this before the next time I go to Hawaii.

Oh, yeah. I also need to remember to bring a set of earplugs.

*You know, it was the apple that got Adam and Eve in all that trouble, right? And so, it is with some trepidation that I’m switching to the dark side in my choice of phones (soon). But, at least I didn't have to do it with AT&T. That would have really been sinful.

Drip

Coffee Maker Cooking: Brew Up Your Next Dinner - NPR

A few months ago, we introduced you to the wild world of dishwasher cooking. Poach salmon while cleaning dirty plates? No problem.

But some of you expressed concerns about having your sockeye sit so close to soapy water and the high energy cost of running a dishwasher.

Well, we've stumbled upon another wacky cooking method that may overcome these issues: using your coffee maker. From steamed broccoli and couscous to scrambled eggs and poached salmon, the possibilities appear endless.

There you go, road warriors. Now you can have a home cooked meal right in your hotel room.

I was wondering what to do with that drip coffee maker.

HI

Speaking of Slogans

It burns when it goes down, it burns when it comes out!

Frito Lay

. . . is probably not what Frito Lay had in mind when it made Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

“We have a population who loves to eat the hot, spicy, not-real foods, and they come in [to the emergency room] with these real complaints,” Dr. Martha Rivera of White Memorial Medical Center in Los Angeles told KABC-TV. “[The kids are being] set up for ulcerations, erosions and… peptic ulcer disease.”

Andrew Medina, 12, told KABC-TV that he eats up to 20 or 30 bags of spicy snacks each month. After he started experiencing stomach pain, he visited a doctor, who told him that the snacks were causing gastritis – a condition associated with bloating, burning and vomiting.

Spicy snack foods sending children to the emergency room, experts claim | Fox News

An apple a day will keep the doctor away, but a bag of these everyday will send you to the emergency room. Maybe you should cut down on the chips, Andrew.

Dr. Martha Rivera, a pediatrician at White Memorial Medical Center in Los Angeles, said she sees between five and six cases of children with gastritis daily.

Super Spicy Snacks Send Kids to Emergency Room | ABC News

Five or six cases per day? We should consider feeding our kids real foods.

Frito Lay, which makes and sells Cheetos, says it is “committed to responsible and ethical practices, which includes not marketing our products to children ages 12 and under.”

Schools Take Aim at Popular Flamin’ Hot Cheetos |ABC News

The Logo Board Game

Maybe they are, maybe they're aren't but then how did we end up with this?

Put your consumer knowledge to the test with the Logo Board Game, a fun and simple question game that anyone aged 12 and up can enjoy. Requiring two to six players, the objective of Logo is to answer questions correctly about popular brands and logos, which then advances game pieces along the spiral game board. With its diverse categories and challenging questions, the Logo Board Game entertains the entire family with fun facts about your favorite companies. . . .

And since almost everyone is exposed to consumer advertising, the entire family, young and old, can participate in the fun. . . .

Manufacturer recommended age: 12 - 15 years

Amazon.com

My brother and I used to amuse ourselves on long car rides by quizzing each other on our commercial knowledge. This is 40 years ago if you can believe it. We even came up with a catchy name for the game, like Commercial Quiz or something like that. (Help me out, brother, if you're reading.) One of us would hum or sing a jingle and while the other guy tried to guess the product as quickly as possible.

Ah, well. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Except we weren't farting hot spicy, non-real foods.

More Better

Saw a print ad in The Maui News that used the words "Increasingly Preferred." Just like that, too, with the quotation marks. It was in a large, loopy, italics font that took up the center of the ad which was maybe 3 x 5 inches.

Increasingly preferred, what does that mean? More people liked us today than yesterday?

Did I mention? The ad was for a mortuary.

"Increasingly Preferred"?

Gone With The Wind?

High Tornado Danger for Chicago During Bears Game | Accuweather

At risk will be those in attendance at Soldier Field watching the Chicago Bears host the Baltimore Ravens.

Aloha

I'm sitting here, just behind the flag on the railing. I would be on the other side of the railing, in the sand, except it's too hot out there. Actually, it's getting pretty hot in here as the sun is encroaching on my once-shady spot. It's not bad right down at the water's edge, though, so I might wander down there to get my feet wet.

We've been on the island for six days and I've been too busy being lazy to do much goofing off. That will only sound logical to those of you who take their goofing off seriously.

Not much to add. Just checking in.

I'll probably be sitting in the same spot tomorrow. For the next few days, even.

Latitude :: 20.9288337
Longitude:: -156.69265199999995

Date With Numbers

11 / 12 / 13

Just sayin'.

There's an app for that

TSA now has an app cleverly named My TSA App. Now you can get groped simply by putting your phone in your pocket.

A Letter

My love,

Remember when we said we wanted to grow old together? Well, now that it's here, I'd like to renegotiate. I guess there's nothing to be done about the growing old part and I suppose it's better to grow old with someone than by one's self but it's not turning out they way I thought it would.

I thought it would be like a Cialis commercial. It would be all hazy lighting, walking hand in hand, smiling and looking younger than our years, with that sexy background music. (I swear to god, I hear that music in the grocery store and I get horny.)

But getting older isn't as pretty as it is in the brochure. Hair grows in places it didn't before. Like on my chin. That just shouldn't happen. And I shouldn't get acne anymore either. What's that all about? If there should be any benefit to getting older, I shouldn't get acne.

And it hurts, getting older. In more ways than one, I suppose. I look at younger people and think they have it coming. But I get cramps in my calves and feet which makes shoe shopping a particular chore (although, that alone has probably saved you hundreds of dollars). My stamina and flexibility aren't what they used to be. (I'm sorry about that but I had no idea we'd still be having sex at this age. Twenty years ago, the idea of old people having sex was gross. I guess it still is, come to think of it. So, moving on. . . .)

My elbows hurt now. Who's ever heard of that? Even as I write this I have ice packs strapped to both arms and I don't even play sports. I'm right handed so it makes sense that some sort of activity caused the problem. (Personally, I think it was vacuuming.) But the left? I have no idea what caused that. The only thing I do with the left arm is lug my purse around. (I wonder how much that thing weighs anyway.) The result is I'm now, literally, a two-fisted drinker because I can't lift even a glass a water to my lips without using two hands. (Note to self, get straws.)

And now my doctor wants me to send her a stool sample. In the mail. When I said I wanted to grow old with you, I wasn't signing up for that. (Neither was my mailman.)

In the end, though, you're still my best friend even if you're more annoying to be around. (I know you're getting older too but no one wants to hear about it.) And, I'm not really sure what can be done about this. We could pretend it isn't happening but that could be . . . shit, I hate it when I can't think of a word . . . perilous, if not lethal.

Damn, my alarm just went off. I need to go take a pill or something. Just wanted to let you know I still love you. Even if it means getting older with you.

xoxo

Friends With Words

I cannot believe how much time I can waste in a day. Truly, it's after noon and I haven't done a thing.* Actually, I've done a lot of things but nothing that amounts to anything.

Let's see:
- I made coffee, showered, and got dressed for work. (Check!)
- Promptly goofed off. (Wait, what?)

I'm sure I did something, right? I sent some e-mails that contained highly valuable, well researched reviews, in my opinion, of restaurant and entertainment options in Maui. (Because someone asked.) I gathered information regarding what's to do this weekend. I researched real estate in various retirement meccas.

I had all afternoon to work.

And, then, I discovered Words With Friends which is whole new level of time waster. It should be called Friends With Words, by the way. Words With Friends suggesst a disagreement where Friends With Words suggests you keep company with people who have good vocabularies.

Yesterday, I play four Words games simultaneously (I'm coming for you, ChefRandom) while playing Mathdoku all on my phone. Good gravy, I get distracted from my distractions!

I set out to write something every day and before you know it, I'm surfing the internet for something infinitely more important. Like reviews for cell phones (Apple or HTC?) and espresso makers, or whatever.

I had a plan for today. I really did. But at this pace, I should just go back to bed and start over.

But, I'll bring my phone with me in case you want play Words.

*Easily distracted, I started this post and didn't finish until Saturday. Well after noon, too, btw.

Two dead candidates get majority of votes in WA

In the Seattle suburb of Des Moines, John Rosentangle won 71 percent of the vote over write-in candidates in the King County Water District 54. The 63-year-old died in August of an illness.

On the Washington coast in Aberdeen, John Erak is leading Alan Richrod with 53 percent of the vote in a city council race. The 81-year-old Erak was a former state representative who died in June shortly after announcing he was running to retain his seat on the city council. His current lead is only 12 votes, and the results aren't final.

MSN News

Coffee News

For the next two days you can get a Starbucks gift card worth $10 for only $5 at Groupon. It makes a great gift! (But don't hold your breath, I got it for myself.)

The Math of The Simpsons: Pi, Algorithms and Counting on 8 Fingers

Voted today. Did you?

I wrote in two names. One was mine for the position of Director of District No. 2, Renton School District No. 403 after I read the unopposed incumbent's statement:

We establishes a structure which local circumstances creates an environment designed to ensure all students the opportunity to attain their maximum potential through a sound organizational framework.

This guy doesn't need to be anywhere near a school district.

The other was my friend, Tim, for County Sheriff. Actually, I first thought to write in his wife, Kris, because I think she would do a better job. But the idea of Kris with a gun scared the crap out of me so I put in Tim's name because Tim's more likely to hurt himself than someone else and he'd  probably do a better job than the guy who's doing it now.

A wise sage once said, "If you trade in yours, I'll trade in mine." He wasn't referring to these local elections but was thinking ahead two years. Let's just replace them all, he said.

I'm in.

We don't have to agree on politics. We don't even have to agree on who should take their places. All we have to agree on is that the ones who are there need to go.

So, I'm in. I'll fire mine if you fire yours. In fact, I'm up for firing mine even if you don't. I don't care who the incumbent is or how well he writes his statement. S/he's behaving badly and s/he needs to be put in Time Out.

Who's with us? I say we do this thing.

One More . . . I couldn't help myself.

Curtain

Road Trip

Hotel Oregon, McMinnville OR which is near Stoller Family Estate.

After

Some time ago - a long time ago, actually - I sent off a pair of jeans to be transformed into a skirt. I don't think a jean skirt is all that hard to make but I don't sew. I don't sew because I don't have a sewing machine. (Or I don't have a sewing machine because I don't sew - I can't remember which.)

But I do have a search engine that located an outfit in Missouri that would take my old, worn out jeans and turn them into a skirt. I took before pictures:

Inside

Outside

As you can see, these were well worn jeans but they were truly on their last legs. It was time to throw them away or do something different.

I did something different. (Have you met me?)

I shipped the jeans to Love My Jean Skirt and asked them to patch the holes - if that could be done - and to make a skirt, re-using as much denim from the pants as could be recycled.

I finally got the skirt back. It took months, far longer than I expected. I came to believe I had been ripped off and that I would never see my jeans again. But then, one day, a miracle happened. My long lost jeans came home.

Can't wait to wear it!

I missed my old jeans!

Wait until you see the inside:

Fully reinforced.

I just couldn't let them go.