Cut Offs and Longs

Somehow I associate cutoffs with the Midwest. Not really sure why. My dad always cut his jeans off just below the knee and called them Longs. (Called himself a trendsetter.)

The smell of freshly cut grass reminds me of the Midwest, too. As does the smell of rain but not all rain. The smell of thunderstorms is different. We don't get much of those so when I smell one, I think of home.

Not that I associate thunderstorm with home, mind you.

Sacrifice!

Be warned, the gods are angry and show their fury by raising a great fireball in the sky .....

Zhoopah Zhoophah Zhoopah (Bing)

Friday is a long way off. For me, it's a little over two weeks away.

This helps.

City of Two Tales

... or Two Tails

Either way, seems like a good title.

Brought To You By

My primary purpose was not to purchase poetic paper products. Principally, I prefer plain.

Friends are flowers in a life's garden,

professed my paper towel. Pray, what happens to people whose praise is not professed?

My paper towel proffered this proposal,

You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt.

Perfect.

Spiders

Not my favorite. I especially don't like finding them in my shower. Especially after I'm already in it. ESPECIALLY at eye level.

Joy

Picking him up so he can see the mixer mix.

Letting him lick the spoon afterward.

Motion Activated

That's what is says on the paper towel dispenser in the Ladies Room. I wonder what could happen if there was an "e" in front of that. What kind of scenes does that evoke? Would the scene in the Ladies Room be different than the Mens Room?

While I was pondering this very question, I decided one possible scenario was about to play out. I had invited people to dinner and had, instead of preparing for my company, spent the day driving about and eating ice cream. With only an couple of hours left before they were to arrive, I thought I might get Emotion Activated.

Then the phone rang. It was my guests wondering if they could come a little early. (An hour early.)

Emotion Activated.

Field Report

(Posted from a computer at the library.)

Top down and ice cream. Not at the same time, of course. (Tricky with manual transmission.)

So really, top down then ice cream. More specifically, top down, jazz on the radio, then.... You get the idea.

Clearly, the sun is out. But the sun is not out clearly. It's not one of those brilliant, blue sky days. More of a hazy, sunny day. Just enough sun to cast a shadow and make you hopeful that such brilliant, sunny days are around the corner. Just enough sun to remind you that you should get outside and take a walk. Just enough sun to eat ice cream, but not enough for it to be guilt free.

Chocolate chip mint, of course. And I paid cash this time.

Sunshine On My Shoulder ...

... or Sunglasses In The Shower (It's either that, or you have to close your eyes.)

There's a certain time of the day - today it was close to noon when I noticed - when the sun gets high enough in the sky as to shine in through the skylight and land right in my shower. At times like these, I like to stand there a little too long, with the water a little to hot.

Okay, I always like that. The sunshine's a bonus.

(Must be time to drop the top.)

I Care!

It does not get better than this. Or, maybe it does.

Nutshell Library is a 4-book set of tiny children's books the titles of which are: Alligators All Around, Chicken Soup with Rice, One Was Johnny, and Pierre. Books that, while tiny (each 3.8 x 2.8 inches), were books that were read to me over and over until the dust jackets fell apart. Enough so that to this day we still quote parts of the stories to each other like they're inside jokes, memories that we share with each other that are exclusive of the outside world, capsules of childhood that we can carry in our pockets.

They were written by Maurice Sendak who also wrote Where The Wild Things Are (now a movie).

My mom saved these books until I had children of my own and then I read them again, over and over, to them.

But now those books are lost. Given to someone who is hopefully reading them to their kids and enjoying them as much as I did.

I want them back! I found a new set online and can't wait for them to be delivered. They won't be the same, not having been loved over the years. Not yet. Hopefully they'll become as much loved by my children's children as they were by me and my family and will be passed along to those they love.

But wait, there's more! While I was searching for these books online I discovered a children's album recorded by Carole King called Really Rosie. And just right now, as I was looking for a link to Really Rosie, I discovered it's not only an album, it's a children's musical!

It really does not get better than this. Listen to Pierre at lala.com. You'll care, too.

Pavlov And The Clock

No, mine is not gasoline-powered. I have a Bose that runs on silly old electricity and is too old to have an iPod connection.

I have a CD in it now that I use for my waking up music as well as my going to sleep music which is a little confusing, although not too much. Now, every time I hear Blossom Dearie all I can think of is snuggling under the covers regardless of the time.

I'm listening to her self-titled CD recorded in 1956. (On 9/11 in NYC, as it turns out.) Good stuff. Got it here: King County Public Library.

Short Week

Can't wait for Friday? Here's an idea: Have it on Thursday. Makes the next day a bit of a drag but then, guess what? It's Friday again.

Movie News

(link: The Dewey Divas and The Dudes : Stempanie Plum Movie News!)

Women Will Do Anything In The Name Of Beauty

...so says my husband whilst I was applying avocado to my face.

Before that, I had applied an oatmeal scrub (which included honey and egg white) but I managed to apply and remove it without his seeing which is the real key to the beauty thing. The men aren't supposed to know. They're supposed to think it's all natural.

I also prepared a lip scrub/mask of sugar and honey which not only made my lips soft but very sweet. It was hard not to lick it off while it was doing it's thing, whatever that was.

It's recycling (or composting) at a whole new level.

But I didn't just wear my food, I ate a little as well. Last night's dinner was Corned Beef Hash. I found the recipe in my copy of Joy of Cooking. I couldn't find the recipe online but I found the one for Turkey Hash which I made from the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving. (I made this last December, in case you were wondering.) Hash is the best thing to happen to leftover meat.

The corned beef was leftover from an Ale-Braised Corned Beef recipe from Real Simple. Maybe not the tastiest preparations ever, but certainly one of the simplest.

So, I'm well fed, soft, and tasty. Not bad for a Monday, eh?

Triple Threat

Top Down. Spa. Boat.

In that order.

Hello Sunshine

Ah ... there's nothing like the feel of fresh exhaust and road grit on one's face.... I love top down days!

Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Opens at the Egyptian, Friday, March 19. I can't vouch for the movie but I can for the book. I highly recommend it.

Here's Seattle Weekly's preview of the movie.

(Image from Netflix.)

Funny Business

So, I'm sitting here trying to think of something funny but I'm doing tax returns and what's so funny about that?

I thought this was funny but it's probably too small to read. It's the instruction for a goverment form 1098-T.

See if this is better:

Nothing to worry about. It probably wasn't someone running the country who wrote this. Just someone trying to educate your kids.

I thought this was funny, too. This is an e-mail exchange:

From: JJ
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 3:33 PM
To: Chochimi
Subject: RE: donations

I know - best charity name ever

From: Chochimi
Sent: 03/05/2010 3:33 PM
To: JJ
Subject: RE: donations

When you go to their website you are greeted with “Join the Heifer community!”

I think not.

From: JJ
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 3:31 PM
To: Chochimi
Subject: donations

Actual name of charity a client donated to

heifer international

It's true. You can check it out here.

That's as funny as it gets, folks.

Easy For You To Say

Simple for Mac. Not so simple for PC.

(link: Real Simple's Clock Screen Saver)

Go Away

It's raining buckets out there. Do you think that will stop me from spending an hour trying to curl my hair?

It should.

New Math

What happens to the *old* math?

Mattress Allocation

28x2*

(*Hormone alert: boys, turn back now.)

My body has decided that if one menstrual cycle is a good thing (and I don't know why it decided that, btw), then two must be better.

It's like the old formula wasn't good enough, my body needed another Menstrual Plus. But when nobody noticed the improvements (were there any?), someone (who was that?) demanded the old one back. But never to go backward in strategy, my body couldn't simply go back to the old formula and so had to invent Menstrual Lite.

It's a clever campaign, I admit. But I'm not going for it.

So until I can fire whoever is responsible for this mess, I have two very regular 28-day cycles that occur two weeks apart from each other.

Fabulous.

Yo, Joe

I wanted to clean my cutting board which was white, but is now stained. I haven't been able to get it white again. So I looked it up on the internet and found I could clean it by rubbing a paste of salt and water onto it and letting it sit overnight.

After I rubbed the salt all over the cutting board, I had a bunch of it left over on my hands so I channeled Martha Stewart and got out the olive oil. I poured that on my hands with the salt and had myself a little impromptu salt scrub. Nice.

This morning, I had a similar Martha Stewart moment when I decided to use my leftover coffee grounds as a hand scrub. Again, nice. However, my hands got the jitters and everyone around me was craving a cup of joe.


And that's when I thought, Starbucks is missing a big opportunity. Instead of competing with 7-11's Big Gulp with the introduction of their new trenta, I think they should stay away from competing with McDonald's or 7-11, lest they become just like them.

No, I think they should differentiate by expanding into beauty products. Appeal to our vanity. Use the same addictive ingredients that make us come back over and over for a cup of overpriced coffee to make us want more of whatever beauty product they're hawking. Like baking chocolate chip cookies on the day of your Open House, they should be making hand creams that smell like mochas and whipped cream.

While I draw the line at $4 for a cup of coffee, there is apparently no limit when it comes to lotions and potions. I spend a ridiculous amount of money on such items and, for now, Starbuck's is missing out.

Pay attention.

'Night

If I put on my night cream first thing in the morning, does that mean I can go back to bed?

First Aid

You know why they put cotton in the aspirin bottles, don't ya? It's so you can apply first aid after you've used a knife to open the child-proof packaging. They might as well put a band aid in there, too.

The 7 Dwarfs Were Pimps

Hi, 'ho
Hi, 'ho

Toast

This is a beauty, isn't it? A classic worth about $8 last time I checked. This toaster is fifty years old, I think. The way I remember it, it was a wedding gift to my parents and when I was growing up it was the coolest toaster on the block. (You've got to remember video games hadn't been invented yet so watching toast had an amusement value.)

The feature wasn't that it made good toast - I'm not sure it ever did that. The feature was (and still is) that is has no buttons or levers for making the toast go up and down. It does that on its own. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's magic. Put the toast in and it lowers itself. When it's either toasted on one side or burnt to a crisp (I haven't found the middle setting yet) it comes back up.

Sometimes, it even makes good toast. Sometimes, it sets my smoke alarms into a frenzy. (I used to have to take the batteries out of the smoke alarms to make toast.)

But I can't get rid of it. I love it. It used to have a cloth covered electrical wire which I had replaced when it started to fray. I probably could have purchased a new toaster for less money. One that toasted bagels or hot dog buns. One that had knobs, buttons, settings. But I couldn't do it.

I don't know what will happen to this toaster when I'm gone. Who will want it? Maybe the Toast Marketing Board will want it for an edition of Vintage Toaster Monthly.

Maybe not. Maybe my toaster's future is just - toast.

Prom

Had a great time last night. Tried to restrain myself - from dancing, that is. No dancing on the tables but it's hard for me to sit still if there's any kind of music playing.

One of the other attendees, worried about the health of my recovering spine, suggested I restrict my activity to lap dancing.

I think he meant chair dancing.

Watching Paint Dry

Who has time for this, right?

I wanted to paint my nails for the prom tonight but then what am I supposed to do while they're drying?

Drive around with the top down, that's what.

Worked great if you don't mind a little bug splatter.

Little People

What did one midget say to the other midget?

Let's go see Jeff Foxworthy!

Ya think? Well, somebody said something because they were there. And they were not part of the act, if you were wondering. In, fact they might not have been there at all but they were standing on the curb looking for a taxi with the rest of us after the show.

How do they hail a taxi? I didn't stick around to find out.

I didn't stick around to say

What's up?

High five!

either.

Probably a good thing.

Mirror Mirror

On the subject of magnifying make-up mirrors, let's just start with Why? Why am I looking that closely for imperfections that can only be seen with magnification?

Secondly, Do I really think that someone else is going to be looking that closely?

And yet....

From The Orlando Sentinel's Mike Bianchi

... as picked up by the Seattle Times.

"Q: What do you get when you cross a NASCAR race with a Winter Olympics event?

"A: Billybobsledding."

Cracks me up.

This is where I read it.

Big To Do

Going to the prom on Saturday. Not an actual prom but it looks pretty much the same. The women get their hair done, get dressed up, and feel like princesses. The men wear tuxes, buy flowers, pay for dinner, and hope to get laid. Formal, posed photos available for purchase. Pretty much like High School.

And, just for the event, I'm growing a big red zit in the middle of my face. Pretty much like High School.

Some things never change.

I Wasn't Really Interested

You ever ask someone how their day is going but then find out you really didn't want to know?

That happens to me whenever I ask my sweetheart about poker. As in, How was your poker game today?

I'm usually expecting Great. I won. - or - Not so good. I could have done better.

Instead, I always get a very long and detailed narrative of what cards he got, what the other players got, how they bet, what cards showed up on the flop, turn, and river. All the subsequent betting, and if you're still reading this I'm impressed. I actually hear what he's saying but it was more information that I was looking for.

This morning I just flashed him (not my smile) and he forgot what he was talking about. Good trick except now I think I'll hear more about poker than ever....

Some People Have No Sense of Humor

I used to donate blood every six or eight weeks - however often one could go. Every time, they have to ask you a series of questions designed to weed out people with behaviors that could lead to tainted blood.

One of the questions was Have you ever had sex in exchange for money?

Once, I said, Of course. I'm married.

Business

Have you ever gone into an empty restroom where it's obvious someone has recently done their business?

I always want to say to the next person

It wasn't me!

Thinking Out Loud In My Head

I do this pretty much constantly. I have a running narration in my head that I sometimes pause, rewind, edit, and replay to get the words right. It's as if I need this narration to be ready at any moment to be published, or spoken.

It's not like a conversation. I don't have multiple persona's at work here. It's just the way I think. Speaking of which, I spoke to a reader who commented that some of my posts must have been drug-induced, as they were "out there." Sorry to say, that's how I think pretty much all the time. Maybe not "out there" but not entirely "in there" either.

It's funny that I don't listen to books considering that's how I read them. Out loud, inside my head. The Curmudgeon-in-Chief at 76003.1414 writes:

Audio books take longer because listening is slower, but for book books, the kind you read with your eyes, two, maybe three days suffices for a good one so seven is plenty of time.

76003.1414: Fantastic

I have to work at reading a book in a month. I know exactly how many pages I have to read each day in order to finish before my book is due. I like how the words sound, in my head, so these things can't be rushed. But that definitely made War and Peace and very, very long read for me.

I've always thought the definition of blogging should be "the outlet for the running conversation in my head." But narration is a better word since mine is the only voice in there. If it weren't for blogging, some of this might leak out loud. And If you thought reading this blog was "out there," consider the audio version.

Grandparenting

We had the little one over last night and PaPa taught him a new word.

Clock.

Over and over he said it, his new word.

Problem is, he can't pronounce the L.

Ted's Birthday

(Title links to site.)