Saturday, December 15, 2012

That Was Close

An organic food delivery strike has ended, averting potential disaster and ruin.

I pause here for a moment to wonder whether it was the food that was organic, or the strike. Or, perhaps the food delivery. I know what organic food is but what would constitute an in/organic strike or in/organic food delivery? It's the organic-ness of food delivery that worries me because there's no way we could agree on what makes a strike organic or not. I'm from Chicago where strikes are necessarily both organic and inorganic by definition.

Inorganic food delivery, on the other hand, makes me think of the high school lunch lady. I'm sure she was very nice, but a foodie she never was, and I'm not sure I would want to know all the details of what went on in her kitchen. Remember, kids, that was back in the day when teachers and other school staff could smoke. Indoors.

I shake my head now to clear my thoughts and concentrate on the issue at hand - the delivery of organic food because I imagine this is what the reindeer eat.

Not Santa. He's a little on the heavy side. I wonder what nationality he claims.... Again, I'm distracted. No matter, if he was American then we could say "heavy" but anywhere else he might be considered morbidly obese. You don't think he got that way on organic food, do you? Cheetos, more like it.

Mmm, Cheetos. Can't say as I truly blame him.

On the Big Night he's probably a holy terror in every drive-through across the globe. Can you imagine? "Could I get a  Big Mac and a sack of carrots, to go?"

But the reindeer are trim and fit, and raring to go. Muscular, agile. They don't eat Cheetos or Big Macs. And don't tell me organic food is the exactly the same as regular food. I don't believe it.

Besides, those reindeer are old. Vitamins, you think? Maybe, but I'll bet you the Reindeer Games have something to do with it.

Anyway, I'm just glad the strike is over so the reindeer can get what they need even if Santa has to eat his feelings. What's with that, by the way? The guy must get pretty depressed up there at the North Pole. Maybe he could take a lesson or two from the reindeer and get his jolly fat ass in gear.

But later. That's something he can do in January.


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