Can I Buy A Vowel?

City News - October 14, 2023

Old Town La Quinta will finally be changing its name to OTLQ in keeping with the NVWL Ordinance of 2020 after the city of La Quinta threatened the village with fines and a potential lawsuit.

"They are a full year past the due date for dropping their vowels," said a City Council member who asked not to be identified as she was not authorized to comment. "The vowel shortage is real."

Concerns over vowel shortage began in 1999 concurrent with the supposed Y2K catastrophe that was expected at the end of the millennium. Vowels started disappearing with little notice in the early 2000s but as new restaurants and businesses began to move into Old Town La Quinta at a higher rate than in recent years, the loss of vowels became more widespread prompting the City of La Quinta to take action with the No Vowel Ordinance (officially, NVWLO).

"First there was RD RNNR," recounted our source. "Everyone thought it was weird but for the most part, no one took any particular notice. They - tourists, that is - they would ask 'How do you even say that?'"

Shortly after RD RNNER opened their doors, TQLAS followed with a name change from Taquillas Agave Bar and Grille. "Residents were okay with it but visitors started to complain which is when the Council took action with NVWLO."

DSRT CLUB, which opened earlier this year, was subject to the Ordinance when applying for its business license which was granted without issue. (Vowels are allowed but must be purchased from the City.)

Demonstrators outside La Quinta City Hall is calling for the city itself to change its name. While the Council will be considering the issue after the next election cycle, they have in the meantime put pressure on Old Town to make the change now. Some demonstrators have said this is not enough and have promised to campaign against candidates who refuse uphold the NVWLO.

While a date has not been officially announced, the name change from Old Town La Quinta to OTLQ is expected to happen before the end of the year.