13% Faster, My Ass

I think it's time to buy a another new computer.

By the way, how many computers should one have and how often do they need to be replaced? (It depends on who you ask, I suppose.) I have two work locations so that's two computers right there (although, technically, my employer owns one of those). I have a desktop computer at home (although if you count the skeletons that are in the garage, I probably have two more that could be pressed into service in a pinch). I have my old Acer laptop, which I should probably clean up and donate to the YWCA or something. Hubby has an old laptop which he doesn't use anymore but it has a DVD drive and a remote control which are cool - but, still, we aren't using (but could). Then, there's my MacBook Air (which makes me a convert, I think). Does the iPad count? What about the Kindle Fire? And the other two Kindles? Christ, I think my socks are computerized now. Do they count?

(Does the use of parentheses indicate that I'm talking to myself?)

The computer in my satellite office is a drag (and I think I'm being literal here). I usually work at that location for a few days, power everything off, then work in my regular office for a couple a days. When I come back and power the computer back on in my satellite office, my computer regards me as a cat would who's been left alone for more than five minutes. It comes to life, but slowly, and won't do anything without endless coaxing until my patience runs out and I reboot it all over again.

Here's what really pisses me off about that routine. It kills close to a half an hour - the powering up, passwords, various things loading, logging in, waiting for connections, whatever - which is what I've come to expect, sadly. No, the problem is the next day it wants to run updates. Why the fuck it doesn't want to do that when I'm fucking around with it on Day One is absolutely beyond me.

But, wait. The kicker is that about half an hour after the updates on the second day, the reboot, the passwords, logins, etc., some happy piece of software pops up and says, "Did you feel that? Your computer booted up 13% faster."

Awesome! You mean I could have been doing this all freaking week?!

(Okay, tell me how you really feel.)

I've had enough so here's the deal: the lines are now open for technical advice. (Snarky remarks are also clearly welcome.) I work in the "cloud" (can we call it "Fog?") so the new computer doesn't have to do much other than support a second monitor and work with some dependable reliability. I would love to have an Apple but I've noticed there are a few translation issues (with the keyboard) when I log in to my Microsoft-based work environment from my Apple laptop. (Maybe there's a work-around for that.) It doesn't need to be portable because I already have portable (in spades). It also has to be compatible with my Fog interface which means Chromebook is out (because it doesn't have an OS, is what they tell me).

Okay, I'm done now. This little rant is over.

I'm taking tomorrow off.