All At Once

Good gravy! I actually have a moment to myself. A time to relax and just not think - about anything. Paradoxically, I worry that I can't think of anything to think about and so I think again. (What a friend of mine calls my Thinking Problem.)

Here's what I'm thinking about:
Invisibility Cloaks
Taxes
Taxation of Invisibility Cloaks
Starbucks
Crack

Man, you can't believe how good it feels to dump that out of my brain! I keep a notebook handy just so I can dump stuff there - little notes so I don't have to keep that kind of stuff in my head but I never have my notebook with me when I want to recall them so who knows? It's probably like blogging - words floating through the atmosphere with no place to call home.

I digress, but that happens pretty frequently this time of year.

You know what else happens frequently this time of year? I lose total and utter control of the English language. Oh, sure, I'm old so that happens but when I get a bunch of numbers in my head, the words are crowded right out of my skull (haha - autocorrect wrote "soul" which is just as close to the truth) and . . . where was I?

Right after drones become a household item, invisibility cloaks will become a must have. With more ways to spy on each other, products such as the Spy Finder Personal Detection Device are finding their way into the market. What happens when you have a north-going Zax and a south-going Zax who meet face to face and stop in their tracks? Everybody finds away around them, that's what. (We find ways around things, is what I'm saying.)

I'm not sure the description for this particular product should inspire confidence:

It detect wireless and wired cameras by looking through the viewing port and scanning any room.

Grammar aside, I could do that looking through an empty toilet paper roll.

My point is, at some point non detection will be like star-bellied Sneetches. Once we all have stars on our bellies, we'll want them off again and Sylvester McMonkey McBean will be there to clean up.

But I won't need to stand in line for an invisibility cloak because I'm already invisible. Seems like it, anyway, when I'm trying to get help from a retail clerk. Joke's on you, though, because after you all get your invisibility cloaks I'll be the only one that anyone can see.

As for taxes (see list, above), there's always something new and voyeuristicly interesting every tax season. Last year, it was cancelled debt and foreclosures. This year, employer-provided health insurance benefits are reported on W2s and I'm amazed at how much people (or their employers) pay for health insurance. If I added up my auto and home insurance plus my life insurance premiums, it wouldn't come close to what I pay for health insurance.

The other tax-related item that only I would find interesting is how many charitable organizations don't know that if they don't include the proper language on their receipts their donors' contributions are non-deductible. Imagine donating a large sum of money and finding, on audit, that the deduction is not allowable because the receipt doesn't contain the words "no goods or services were provided in exchange" for this donation? If you don't get a receipt with that language on it (for donations in excess of $250 and for which no actual goods or services were provided) prior to filing your return then the donation is nondeductible and I don't care if you gave a million dollars and you're a really nice guy. It's no good.

This is not exactly front page news but a lot of people don't know this. People who really should.

I don't really have anything to say about the taxability of invisibility cloaks but maybe I will later, during the tax season when Invisible Tax becomes the next Obamacare. (Lawmakers will write the law in invisible ink and we'll all have a hell of a time trying to non detect it.)

Starbucks and crack go together. I have further evidence that the soy milk is the source of their crack additive: They sell everything else at retail except the milk. Dairy milk, I get. They only have limited space and they're not in the business to sell milk. You can go next door to the grocery store to get that. They're not in the business of selling sandwiches either but they can fit all their food into one refrigerated case. They're not going to expand their stores for dairy. (Although, they are opening new stores that sell only tea and tea-related products. Why not branch out into boutique milk bars?)

You can buy mugs, coffee makers, and coffee. All the items one might presumably think would allow a person to make coffee at home and avoid ever coming back to Starbucks again. But, no. The only ingredient they don't sell (which doesn't need refrigeration, btw) is the soy milk. Because they want you to come back. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over . .. . .

That's my mind-dump for the day. It's this crowded in my head all the time but I can usually string it out over a couple of days which also gives me time to filter out the irrelevant and the unfunny. No such luck today. I don't know when I'll have another minute so this is what you get.

All at once.