Sunday, February 10, 2013

Two Amazing Discoveries

Anti-slamming cabinets and 3D TV.

I have to say that of the two, I can do without 3D TV. It never occurred to me that this could be a useful invention. Ever. But, quite by chance, I think I saw one. Not saw, watched. I've seen them displayed at Costco, for example, but never thought to take the time to actually watch one.

To be honest, I don't know if what I was watching was 3D TV or not. What I do know is: it was a Samsung, I didn't have to wear glasses, and the images were startlingly clear.

And I mean startlingly.

Imagine if a Bruce Willis movie was shot to look like a soap opera: harsh lighting, hollow sound, corny background music, actors that look their ages. For me, it was far too much information. The magic of TV was gone and every show became more real in the worst way. Good television, if there is such a thing, was ruined and bad television was finally in good company.

Far better an invention are un-slammable kitchen cabinets. This has immense practicality in small living spaces in densely populated areas such as apartment buildings with thin walls in which all the tenants are in bad marriages. The hinges look like regular cabinet hinges but they brake the momentum of a fast-closing door and then finish closing at a whisper. I tried them all in the condo where I'm currently staying and I couldn't slam any of them. Not that I'm a cabinet slammer by habit but I thought this was at least as entertaining as 3D TV.

I don't know how the drawers work but you can't slam them either. They close like the power trunk lid of a Lincoln Continental. Easily ammused? Perhaps.

I have a friend who travels a lot and wishes someone could invent anti-slamming hotel doors as it appears by some force of nature a neighbor's hotel room door cannot be closed without slamming and generally while you are in the dead of sleep. Here you go, my friend, I have found the answer. Sell it to Marriott and you shall be a rich man.

But forego the 3D TV.

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